made a cock up with my daughter - advice needed!

[susyp]

Hi all

My 5 year old has been getting very upset this week because she can't swing her legs high and backwards and forwards on some bars they have in the school playground - they're kind of like those monkey bars you swing across. Shes been upset every night about it - it's obviously a current craze with her friends in the playground.

So I said today that we would go and practice when she came out of school - we did and there was another girl in her year doing it who was swinging all over thep lace and was completely brilliant at it. So my daughter got really upset - i had to half carry her home she was so distraught!

this other girl was about half her size - my daughter is in age 7 clothes and so very tall for her age. So i very stupidly said, to try and calm her down - look that girl is tiny, you are just much taller and heavier so it's harder for you.

She told my husband at bedime just now that she is too heavy and that's why she can't do it - so she'll never be able to do it!

so stupid of me to say that - i;m really worried now i've given her a complex. Any ideas on how i can rescue this tomorrow?

susypx

[Fuschia]

I am not sure returning to the topic is a good idea

But how about watching some gymnasts on you tube and emphasising the strength involved?

Replace the heavy adjective with 'strong' 'powerful'

Even show her how some aspects of gymnastics feature small gymnasts while other equipment is best mastered by tall or strong ones?

[Mens]

Oh gosh.... I did the same thing this morning, telling my 5 year old that her waist was too chubby to fit into her 6 year old sister's jeans!!! (I was fed up of the "do my button up tantrum"

I quickly said "gosh, all that milk you drink has made you super tall".

I have one thin, short child and one podgy tall-ish child. I try to emphasize the positives of their size. Difficult as the eldest is the petite one.

I would stick to tall being about being graceful and gazelle-like and how much further her legs will reach once she becomes flexible.

when one of my girls is having an "I wish I was blonde day" I constantly point out children and adults on tv or in the street who look nice but are totally different from the last person we saw who looked nice. I think we are in the best position to emphasize positive body images in children and if you hadn't said it maybe another child would have and you might not have heard about it or had the chance to address it.

[Mrs TP]

This is one of these threads for all the mums of boys to sit back relax and think thank goodness I have boys. I have 3 girls and it is an emotional roller coaster. No 2 telling no 1 she is fat. No 1 telling no 2 she smells and no 3 congratulating me on not being fat any more as I have lost half a stone ...

Don't beat yourself up. If your worst crime is the very occasional choice of words that hasn't gone down too well then you are doing ok.

[verds]

Aw, may I say that just the fact that you're worrying about it makes you a very nice mum indeed.

[jonbateson]

Sometimes whatever you say is wrong so even if you had chosen a different word, you could still be in this position. Find something that she can do well and give her lots of praise. Come back to the monkey bars again and keep practicing, show her that by sticking at it and trying she will get there. Maybe take her climbing, her height will be her advantage.

[susyp]

she's having a few physical set backs recently - she has noticed that some other children her age can swim, ride a bike without stabilisers, now the monkey bars. So I'm going to have a push on getting her confidence in the pool up and probably invest in some private lessons so she can skip some levels and enter with her own age, and a friend's child does tennis after school so we're going to try that as something for her to get into. I remember beng rubbish at all sports and being miserable about it but i think if you are actually taught things well you can learn anything!

oh and we're going to go and practice on the monkey bars at the weekend. !

susypx

[MGolden]

Mrs TP Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> This is one of these threads for all the mums of

> boys to sit back relax and think thank goodness I

> have boys. I have 3 girls and it is an emotional

> roller coaster. No 2 telling no 1 she is fat. No

> 1 telling no 2 she smells and no 3 congratulating

> me on not being fat any more as I have lost half a

> stone ...

>

> Don't beat yourself up. If your worst crime is

> the very occasional choice of words that hasn't

> gone down too well then you are doing ok.

As a Mum of two boys I can assure you they worry constantly about their weight and appearance too! Mine are both very sporty and have huge appetites - my older son is 14 and desperate to get his growth spurt - not helped by people assuming he's about 11 or 12! He is very slightly built and is desperate to fill out and be bigger. My assurances that it will come with time are not helpful at all!

Not meaning to highjack your post susyp - for what it's worth I think you are approaching it the right way - being positive and encouraging.

[Mrs TP]

MGolden - I knew I was being rash and would probably face a backlash from parents of boys. A very mild backlash from you :) The adolescent / teenage world is a whole new world we have recently entered. Scary but a new challenge to embrace.

We are all emotionally vulnerable and can give it out by accident too. It is being aware of non-malice intended mistakes and wanting to do something about it that separates the good from the bad.