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Eurovision nightmare...


dulwichmum

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What in the name of God himself and all of his lovely Saints and Angels is going on? This evening I sat, open mouthed with horror, as an obvious threat from our clearly disturbed and traumatised Euro neighbours has unfolded before my eyes. Tonight's Eurovision song contest has proved to be a scandal of epic proportions.


Sweden were represented by a Donatella Versace meets Van Helsing lady boy. We expected them to provide us with the usual circus side show of entertainment, but Latvia showed a disturbed streak with their Pirates of the Caribbean and singing aged page 3 model. That woman is fortunate not to have impaled herself on her underwiring.


Bosnia had a collection of girating traumatised brides and a scary groom. The woman who sang for Poland should serve as a warning to all of those who consider a trip to Poland for cheap cosmetic dentistry an option. So many of the old Eastern block countries were represented by traumatised singing sex workers and evil chick boys showing clear evidence of the terrible things that have gone on in this planet. These people should be re-repressed immediately. They were behind a wall for a reason.


It is time to redraw the iron curtain. These people were segregated from us for a reason.

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I didn?t watch much of it but did switch over to serendipitously catch the Bosnia Herzegovina number. I have to say it was one of the most entertaining things I have seen on the idiot box* in a long time. It was even quite a good song.


*Now that most of them aren?t boxes anymore but rather tray like things do we have to think up new slang?

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Darling friends,


I am convinced that these entertainers from Balkan lands and old USSR countries should be excluded from the Eurovision Song Contest and indeed from civilised society itself. Let us return to the good old days of ditties like Puppet on a String and Waterloo. Norway has provided us with many a laugh over the years and wasn't Spain a hoot?


But for the love of God, what were the people of Azerbaijan thinking? Can we allow the people of Bosnia Herzogovena to wander freely about in Europe unsanctioned after this? Now that we have observed what they consider in terms of family entertainment (OHMYGOD!!!). They are clearly traumatised from a history of conflict. Do they even have flushing toilets in the Ukraine?


I have seen enough. I think that it is time to reconsider our EC membership, perhaps we could instead host a smaller more select song competition next year. We could invite entries from comedy nations such as the French, and perhaps even the Welsh, but we must draw a line under this outragous fiasco, for once and for all.


I believe that poor King Terry of all Wogan has been admitted to The Priory this morning, the man has been damaged by his observations, at least we could look away. He was forced to watch all of it!

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Not sure if you watched until the bitter end (I unfortunately had to due to my 2 visiting brothers who look forward to the annual spectacle that is Eurovision and treat changing channels as sacrilege... and yes - they ARE both heterosexual in case you were wondering, just love to make 'witty' comments to add to King Terry's/check out the backing dancers...).


If you did, the absolutely highlight (for me anyway) was Bjorn - well he couldn't have been called anything else now could he?? - giving Sweden's vote results... please please tell me some clever IT literate person has put it on YouTube?? Pure TV gold.

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