The Circus Room

[Moos]

Ra-da-dadadada dada daada Ra-da-dadadada dada daada Ra-dada daaada Ra-dada daada Ra-dadadadadadadadaDA DA (repeat)

Spotlights swing and drums roll as Moos enters in clown costume including (natural) enormous feet, and performs series of handsprings around the ring.

Roll Up! Roll Up! to the EDF Lounge's very own Circus Room! Here you can tame lions, swing from trapezes, fire yourself from cannons, throw buckets of glitter, squirt water, drive silly cars, dare devils and make the crowd sigh.

This room is for people in the mood for foolish fun - enjoy!

[Keef]

*Runs up behind moos and delivers huge custard pie to the face*

Heh heh heh

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Saunters in wearing spangly leotard. Anyone want to be my catcher?

[Moos]

*honk honk*

Moos driving car painted like a huge tomato chases Keef driving car decorated like a daisy around the ring. Moos is shaking fist and threatening to hurl bucket of glitter all over Keef's ridiculously enormous trousers.

[jumpinjackflash]

*contortionist JJF walks in and after some serious bending and flexing climbs into a Davina's Boutique shoebox*

*oops, think I'm stuck - can anyone help me out?*:(

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Will somebody please let me out of this very small metal box?*

*The chains have got caught around my leg and I cant feel my foot*

*Sod escapology, its the ticket booth for me*

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Sincerely hopes noone punched Michael in the stomach this morning.

[Moos]

Surely MP must be the ringmaster! Let him out of the box and hand him a tailcoat, someone.

[Keef]

*gracefully walks to the middle of the tight rope... suddenly remembers crippling fear of height, and regrets not changing out of enormous trousers*

[jumpinjackflash]

*Is helped out of box by hunky acrobat. Hmm who was that?!*

*Spots one of the other forumites ? can?t see who it is from here - preparing for his knife throwing act with his assistant Louisa?*

[muffintop]

Damn Mockney! missed again, ouch!! thats the third time this week! I told Louisa to keep him away from the booze! (hurrys off to the first aid room where handsome first aid gent attends to my punctured hand!) hike sequinned miniscule thong leotard out of butt! and turn down Mockney's attempts to assist me in relation to the same!

Sorry not very good at this hence all the edits! :-S

Groan.....i'm dying, somebody have mercy and help me out, not good at all at this kind of thing (wishes had just chuckled along reading other people's posts!)

[KoolBananas]

*brings in the elephants*

Here Muffin come lay just here *points next to nelly's tootsies*

[Moos]

*evil grin*

Muffintop, come over here and smell this pretty flower I've got on my unfeasibly large lapel!

[muffintop]

*muffintop smiles coyly and gets up from her rest by Nellies tootsies, and wanders over to Moos who cannot see the concealed contents of a full bucket of Nellies latest offerings being hidden behind her back, she now has an *evil grin* (ok I'm not that mean, make it water hehe!)

[Moos]

Arrgh!

*tries to run away, but trips over mega shoes and falls splat on face*

*sits up and rubs nose*

It ain't the first time I've fallen on my face in the Forum.

[KalamityKel]

*comes by wiv a bucket and shovel to clean up nelly's bits*

"ah the life of the circus!"

[bignumber5]

*Bows into the ring wearing sparkly boiler suit, cape, heavily wrapped white scarf and flying cap with goggles, twidling oversized moustache*

*awaits clowns to wheel out suspiciously large cannon*

[Michael Palaeologus]

*Grudgingly stomps in wearing too tight red tailcoat and a ridiculous and bent top hat, steps over PeckhamGateCrasher*

"OK sort yourselves out, we've got actual customers coming in this weekend. Can somebody please get the quivering clown off the tight-rope, I think he has suffered an embarrassment, clean the elephant poo of Moos and Kel PLEASE stop scrubbing Nelly's bits, its not good for her and the audience over the weekend will be mostly good Irish Catholics and they wont have come to see THAT sort of show"

"Why is the BigNumber5 wrapped in Bakofoil? I have told you before we are NOT doing the human cannon ball thing again, not after the last miss-calculation; "Huguenot the Howitzer" ended up in Singapore, a pity as he was fired in Plumstead. Clearly BigNumber5 is made for the dwarf-tossing, volunteers to be the tosser?"

"Please take the knives out of Louisa, you know only the silver ones have any sort of effect, AnnaJ can do the knife throwing she is good with blades, qualified and everything - also useful if things go... a bit pear-shaped. Piers will have to be given light duties, he is still gibbering - in Spanish"

"Moos can do the savage untamed beast, chair and whip act. Who wants the chair and the whip?"

"Andrew D Black, we need you, there is an opening in the Bearded Lady Department"

"Oh yes, why didnt anybody catch PeckhamGateCrasher?"

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Ouch, always suspected catcher in the Rye was overrated.

[Moos]

Take more'n a chair and a whip to tame ME.

[bignumber5]

Right then, this calls for a drastic comeback effort: our houses are mostly Victorian, so on that theme...

*waxes hair and 'tash, dons leopard-print unitard and brushes teeth in preparation for bending iron bars between them*

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Please fetch the rubber "iron" bar for Balin, BigNumber5Dwarf - he has decided to multiskill"

[bignumber5]

Hey, I'd have fitted nicely into that cannon if you hadn't veto'd it - just improvising now.

At my size the career options are usually limited to human cannon-ball, being thrown about or cleaning the underside of the elephant using a hat with a brush on it, which smells and I'm not doing it again.

[KoolBananas]

I'm sorry Nelly is experiencing a bit of a dodgy tum at the mo. Ive told her soooo many times that the popcorn with roasted turnip will only bring on grumbles and... well you know already!

*goes off to see if Harold is ready for a bit of taming*

[HonaloochieB]

And on come The Flying Honaloochies.

HonaloochieB, his younger brother Honaloochieb, his older smarter brother HonaloochieB+, their Greek cousin Honaloochiebeta and their Irish uncle Honaloochie BeJaysus.

In the ring is a see-saw and some balancing poles.

At first glance the troupe has a certain ?raggedness? about their movements.

On closer inspection it becomes apparent that these are men who have lunched recently and well.

An almost tangible thrill of anticipation runs through the audience.

(More to follow)