Help - I need a poem

[Narnia]

I need a poem and thought of no better place to get help than here. Background is I'm from a family of 7 boys and 1 girl. Grew up with additional Dwarf names. Parents passed away as did Snow White and Doc (we are mature Dwarfs now, in age anyway). We have an annual reunion and compete for what we call the Dwarf Cup playing all sorts of games and drinking a lot. It's in it's 12th year and next week will be held in Mougins near Cannes in France. Mrs Happy the Host's wife this year has asked each of us to write a poem including the names of the remaining Dwarfs which are: Bashful, Dopey, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy and Sneezy. My efforts have been pathetic so I need help. Be as insulting as you want and I've no qualms about cheating at all! Thanks in anticipation of assistance (even if it's only one line) from the poets out there!

In case it helps here's a brief description of the Dwarfs as I know them:

Bashful tends towards Grumpyness when rules are altered/changed at the host's drunken whim. Two DC wins

Dopey If ever a name suited. Drinks a lot more than anyone and attempts words of wisdom.Ginger. One DC win to his surprise

Grumpy Tries to hide his character and be nice but doesn't take much to explode. Cheats by avoiding too much drink so as to give him a better chance of winning.Smallest Dwarf. Three DC wins.

Happy Youngest Dwarf and this years Host and appears to live up to his name. Weaknesses yet to be exposed. Four DC wins

Sleepy A lost cause! Physically incapable of doing anything except lift a glass. Been know to collapse and require a nurse. No DC wins and never likely to.

Sneezy Oldest Dwarf and achieved nirvana last year with his first win. Permanently tanned and sometimes parentage questioned. Has been called VJ after Indian tennis player. Author of the History of Irish Tennis. Three volumes would you believe.A gent of a Dwarf.

[Asset]

Aaah, that sounds a fun family. Sorry about Snow White and Doc and I'm not very poetic so can't help really but I bet there will be people sharpening their wit right now.

[Ted Max]

Can you rip off an existing poem - changing the words for relevant dwarf/ family related ones as need be?

Burns' "To A Dwarf", or Kipling's "If", say - but all about your family in-jokes.

[wee quinnie]

Dare we ask...which one of the dwarves are you, Declan? Hmmm?

[KoolBananas]

Declan, looks like you're doing a good job already wiv the poem by your description of each dwarf

[Narnia]

KoolBananas Wrote:

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> Declan, looks like you're doing a good job already

> wiv the poem by your description of each dwarf

Well maybe..........but it doesn't rhyme!

[Narnia]

Ted Max Wrote:

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> Can you rip off an existing poem - changing the

> words for relevant dwarf/ family related ones as

> need be?

>

> Burns' "To A Dwarf", or Kipling's "If", say - but

> all about your family in-jokes.

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll have a go!

[Narnia]

wee quinnie Wrote:

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> Dare we ask...which one of the dwarves are you,

> Declan? Hmmm?

Ask me, oh I don't know. Ask the others. I'm shy.

[KalamityKel]

Poems dont have to rhyme ya know :| or u really after a limerick?

[Narnia]

KalamityKel Wrote:

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> Poems dont have to rhyme ya know :| or u really

> after a limerick?

Probably a limerick would give more scope for humour............and Mrs.Sneezy is from Limerick too!

[LostThePlot]

Declan,

When do you need this by, and can you PM me with some other info about the people, including their real names. I MIGHT be able to come up with something for you. No promises, I have a busy week ahead, but can try for you.

PM me the info if you're interested.

Eric

[Narnia]

Thanks LostThePlot. I finally managed to put something in writing that will do! I was on a train journey and found some inspiration of a sort. It may be crap but then I'm not competing against poets, more like artists (piss one's)!

[KalamityKel]

Can we have a peek? :)

[Narnia]

Mougins 2008

Mougins, Mougins, what will you bring?

Six crazy Dwarfs, all kith and kin

One hopes to run the best of its kind

The rest wait expectantly, to see what they find.

Will Bashful be Happy, with some of the rules?

Will he conquer them all, when playing the boules?

He?s bound to complain, of that there?s no doubt

But just wait till 9, and he won?t be about!

Will Grumpy the Great, have a gripe in a game?

And will he have gripe water, to ease all the pain?

Son of a dentist, the great one in the sky!

His easy demeanour, is a bit of a lie!

What make you of Dopey, when he reaches his prime?

Afraid of no one, but the barman calling time!

He knows how to win, of that we are sure!

But he won?t remember, till he?s had a cure!

Then there is Sleepy, who might need a Doc!

A virgin of wins?.eleven on the trot!

Could this be his year, it?s not too soon

Can anyone see, the colour of the moon?

And finally Sneezy, the Dwarf from the West

He?s had it a year, and completed his quest!

Alas, with his hooter, he?ll sniff another win

And if he succeeds, you won?t stop him grin!

Thanks Happy our host, most grateful we are

You and the Mrs deserve a cigar!

Welcomed us all, we hope you?re not stressed!

But soon we?ll be gone, and then you can rest!

Mougins, Mougins, what will you bring?

Another Dwarf Cup?. it?s a fine thing!

The End

Critical analysis welcomed

[Bellenden Belle]

Absolutely fantastic Declan.... you clearly didn't need our help at alll.

Of course now we want you to bring home the cup ... waiting with fingers crossed and bated breath

[Narnia]

Thank you Belle. Heading to France on Thursday and perhaps an open top bus tour around ED the following Wednesday! I'll let you know.

[wee quinnie]

Well Declan,

Dare I ask? How did you fare in the feis?

[Narnia]

Bloody hell wee quinnie, I thought this thread was lost in time! Regarding the poem my effort was beaten by a Dwarf who had written a book on a 2 week holiday to Corsica prior to the event and another Dwarf who decide to sing his offering. I was cheated out of it!

As for the games themselves I failed miserably. We played boules, table tennis, did a crossword (which I cheated in by using my Mrs's laptop, had penalties into a goal where my son was the keeper and gave me nothing, had a speedtrial on a lie low where my technique of getting off to a good start by diving off the edge of the pool holding on to it let me down,pitched golf balls into a moving hoop in the pool, likewise with tennis balls into a mini floating basketball net. As for the quiz and my specialist subject of Irish rugby Lions, I was stitched up with near impossible questions to answer. All I can say is thank god for Dopey who helped me avoid the dishonour of finishing last.

I will be requesting an EGM of the Dwarf Council. Over the weekend we consumed over 60 bottles of red plus rose, whisky and various other top shelf drinks. Drug testing should be introduced as certain cute hoors avoided the alcohol like the plague which is totally against the spirit of the games. As a result the eldest Dwarf (a mere 60 years old) finished the winner.

Next year we return to the homeland as Grumpy hosts the games in that village called Longford. All I can say about that is I hope they suit those partial to a drop!

[wee quinnie]

Good to hear you had a bit of a workout. Think you're gonna have to come up with a few bells and whistles for next year.

Given that next years bash is in Longford you'll probably be in the local papers for weeks.

[Narnia]

Given what was written before I ask the knowledgeable folk on the EDF to suggest a venue for 2010 as I am the host. Would expect around 12 people to be there in June methinks. Would need to be not too far away from an airport i.e. Stansted or Gatwick.....want it to be out of town. Have done Centre Parcs several times and would like something else for a change.You may know something from previous experience. Otherwise I will have to start researching.

[SteveT]

Blue John mines in Derbyshire Declan, them Dwarves love being

underground.

[Narnia]

One is already Steve. What would you say the attraction is given most will be underground fairly soon anyway?

[mockney piers]

Maescaragyu or somesuch, in Wales would be perfect. Here's one photo, clickaround for a couple more. Pm for details if you like the cut of Its jib. Ain't mine just spent so e tome ther three years ago.

http://m.flickr.com/photos/piers_canadas/253410995/in/set-72157594300809452/

[Narnia]

Any idea if it's near enough to Cardiff? I need an airport for the travellers to land.

[mockney piers]

It's nearer to Swansea than Cardiff about half an hour away. Cottages4u has some great Places all over the uk, worth checking out.