The Old Fogies Thread

[Jah Lush]

Indeed I do and I'm sure you do to EDOldie. Proper cocaine and none that bloody novocaine crap they use now. Trouble was your mouth would be numb for a fortnight and you'd just end up dribbling and spilling your drinks. Most unfortunate and tiresome especially if you were an alcoholic like I was at that tender early age.

[EDOldie]

Are the after effects lasting then?? Or is it just you?

[Jah Lush]

No, no lasting after effects old bean although there has been the odd occasion of a morning when my whole body has shaken like a willow tree and I've had seek; for emergency and medicinal purposes you understand, several very large brandies with my coffee in the morning and then I've been right as ninepence and ready for the rest of the day's deluge.

[EDOldie]

Best way to start the day indeed. You know the French do exactly the same and look at their 'Tiger' economy and high standard standard of living. Makes you wonder who won the war eh?

[mockney piers]

My god, when was the last time the French won a war?! The Hundred Years War?

[Jah Lush]

Aha! Sir Mockney Piers our history correspondent.

[Brendan]

History? Don?t talk to me about history. We had proper history back in my day.

[EDOldie]

Just google 'french military victories' and hit 'I feel lucky'

[mockney piers]

Brilliant EDOldie!!

Of course, in my day we didn't have all this google malarkey, we had a motorola 6809 and a dumb terminal and we were grateful for small mercies.

Keyboards, keyboards? 10 hours a day punching holes in paper tape, and that was a luxury.

[EDOldie]

i miss morse code, now there was a way to chat up a young lady girl guide.

[HonaloochieB]

All this talk of history and such has made me nostalgic.

I remember the days when I could go out with a pound note in my pocket, visit every pub in town, go to a casino, visit an upmarket brothel and order the most expensive whore in the place, have a fish and chip supper and still have enough left over for a taxi home.

I had to take a taxi because of course I had no shoes.

You tell the youngsters today and they don't beleive you.

I don't know.

Bloody kids.

[EDOldie]

Yeah, but nostalgias not what it used to be. (Has someone already done this?)

[Jah Lush]

Yes me! Anyway, the past is a nice place to visit but you wouldn't want to live there.

[lozzyloz]

I find Anusol works wonders on me Nostalgia.

[HonaloochieB]

Anusol! Pah, I've no use for these modern lily-livered preparations.

When my 'farmers' are playing up I apply a mustard poultice and grit my teeth.

Burn the bastards into submission and see how they like it.

[Guest]

How interesting. What do you do for the internal ones?

[HonaloochieB]

Ms B I just grit my teeth and ruddy well carry on. It's my way you see.

[EDOldie]

Reminds me of a friend who suffers terribly with his Chalfont's discussing his liberal application of 'Arse Cream'. One of the guys we were with thought he said 'Ice Cream'!!. Oh well, you probably had to be there, grapes of wrath and all that.

[HonaloochieB]

EDOldie Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Reminds me of a friend who suffers terribly with

> his Chalfont's discussing his liberal application

> of 'Arse Cream'. One of the guys we were with

> thought he said 'Ice Cream'!!. Oh well, you

> probably had to be there, grapes of wrath and all

> that.

I presume the fellow was from South Africa.

[EDOldie]

No, Wandsworth actually.

[HonaloochieB]

Then why the confusion between the pronunciations of 'arse' and 'ice' EdOldie?

Unless a South African was involved somewhere then the whole story doesn't really hang together.

Confusion reigns.

I don't know.

[Guest]

To change the subject (motion of drawing aside of skirts), I noticed the Gowlett was completely smoke-free last night. What kind of a pub's that? In my day, you could smoke an entire packet of Capstan Full Strength passively for the price of a small port and lemon.

[HonaloochieB]

Ms B Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> To change the subject (motion of drawing aside of

> skirts), I noticed the Gowlett was completely

> smoke-free last night. What kind of a pub's that?

> In my day, you could smoke an entire packet of

> Capstan Full Strength passively for the price of a

> small port and lemon.

Or indeed a cloves cordial. In my day pubs didn't have 'decor'. Each one had a bit of flock wallpaper in the saloon and a ceiling the colour of a diseased lung. In the public both the walls and ceilings had the diseased lung motif.

Cheered a chap up after a hard days work at the candle factory I can tell you.

[HonaloochieB]

As luck would have it, I find myself in the position of embarking upon what I can only call a 'dirty weekend' in Brighton with a female companion. I feel obliged to apply the 'dirty weekend' title as that would apperar to be traditional. Rest assured myself and my lady friend will both be packing pyjamas and I will of course be visiting my local barber, prior to the excursion to avail myself of his 'additional supplies'. I think we're all sufficiently 'men of the world' to know to what I refer. Even the women.

There are certain requisites that I will need that I don't have access to, and would like some advice on acquiring;

1 - A false marriage certificate, in the names of say, Richard Whitely and Diana Dors, or others if you think it might work better. Though I think that Mr Richard & Mrs Diana Whitely is a winner.

2 - Two false wedding bands, one suitably male, one suitably female. Both 18 carat gold looking, but costing no more than ten pounds. Together. Not each.

3 - Would anyone recommend having flakes of confetti about our persons as we approached the reception? Or might that be laying it on thick?

4 - If we should encounter a bishop on our excursions, should we admit all and beg forgiveness?

Grateful for any thoughts.

[Guest]

Don't forget your wellies for wading through the vomit on the seafront on Sunday morning.