North /south

[womanofdulwich]

I have been accused of adopting southern ways. I say how I feel quite often. I openly praise my children ( 18 and 22 now) IF they have done well. My father on the other hand has never said to my face "you have done well "etc etc. I am "over " this by now, but is it just my family? He says things like " yes, he's done well , but don't tell him or he'll get big headed". I am not asking for therapy ,just trying to see if it's a family thing??

[Robert Poste's Child]

This isn't meant in a critical way, but given that you've just posted it as a new topic on a public forum, I wonder if you really are 'over it'? That would have been a wounding experience for many children.

[womanofdulwich]

Well Robert,I had "an open conversation " with said parent and although I know this was his parenting approach, it had never been vocalised. He just said "that's one of the basic differences between north and south" , and I thought no,( its just you) and then ( being a bit open minded) I thought well may be it is? I left the north 27 years ago so have no other reference point. Any way no sleep being lost, just curious. :)

[Salsaboy]

He's a man. We don't show our feelings unless we're completely pissed.

[womanofdulwich]

;)

[numbers]

I think its more a generational thing rather than a north/south thing womanofdulwich. I know families from opposite ends of the country who are like this, as well as ones who aren't.

Sometimes it depends how it is said (eg. don't tell him he'll get big headed), it can be an affectionate way of acknowledging you have done well really.

[LadyDeliah]

My mum is Liverpudlian from Catholic Irish stock and my dad is from Bermondsey going back generations. To my mum, praise is to be discouraged at all costs to prevent the deadly sin of pride and spending more than half a minute in the mirror means you've become a vain harlot (and she'd actually been an athiest since she was a kid)!

I was stunned some years ago, to find out my mum had been bragging about something or other I'd done because she could never actually say it to me.

My dad on the other hand, although not effusive, would let me know if he thought I'd done something good or not.

I personally think there is a big difference between the Northern and Southern mentalities in relation to praise and being tough on your kids to prevent 'spoiling' them.

My dissertation at Uni was on the nature of oppression and I found it interesting that countries that had experienced slavery and brutal colonisation often had a lasting legacy of violence, including in their child rearing. The North was also brutally oppressed during the time of the weavers and other organisations' uprisings, during the industrial revolution, ditto Ireland for centuries.

Massive generalisations and clearly with movement of populations nationally and globally, any lasting effects from our different histories will be less apparent, but I do think it's still evident.