Childcare issue with boss

[avablue]

Hi Everyone,

I work as a nanny whilst also finishing up my BA degree. My boss has become increasingly demanding and extremely self-consumed. I have attempted to do my best for this family. I get along very well with little girl I look after and always go above and beyond what they ask of me. However, recently she has put me in situations which I feel very uncomfortable with. I was wondering if I could receive some opinions on if I am over - reacting to things or if I am validated in feeling this way.

1). my boss has mondays and tuesday off, although I still work full days on those days. Recently their dog has been ill but my boss refused to take him to vet and demands that I do so instead. I was fine with taking the dog to the vet the first two times because I couldn't stand for the poor thing to be in pain. However, it became clear to me that she was purposely leaving the dog to be ill on the weekends and mondays and tuesdays and then forcing me to take the dog to the vet on Wednesday. For instance, I would arrive for work on Wednesday morning for her to inform me that the dog had been vomiting all weekend and during the early week and not eating food and insist that I take him to the vet. This meant that I was having to run all over town with a sick dog in order to take it to the vet and then have to make medical choices for her pet at the vet which I felt uncomfortable with. I expressed that I felt uncomfortable with this as it was their pet and my responsibility was to care for their child. I was told that I needed to 'suck it up' and that I didnt have a choice in what I was made to do at work. What annoyed me the most was that it was clear she could't be bothered to care for the dog and was just leaving it to me to do. She would also tell the little girl that the dog could die if I refused to take it to the vet which was very manipulative and made the little girl very distraught.

2) I was recently very ill with lower respiratory infection and was hospitalised for one night and then told to be on bed rest for at least one week. On the 2nd day of bed rest, my boss called to say there was an emergency with her child and that she didnt have anyone to watch her for four hours and asked if I could please watch her. I should have said no, but I ended up going into work only to find out that the two of my bosses friends had volunteered to watch the little girl so I didnt have to go in but my boss felt it would be less on an inconvenience to HER if I came to work instead.

3) I found a diary that my boss keeps on me which details everything I do that annoys her. This was left sitting on the kitchen table and I glanced at it because I saw my name and I saw that she had marked down the dates and times that I had done things to annoy her.

4) my boss lost her job for four months and during this time she would randomly give me days off (without notice) that she wanted to be home with her child without me being there - I was still paid for these days and was really appreciative of them. However, now she constantly tells me that I 'owe' her 'big time' for those days off and need to make them up with babysitting. I don't mind babysitting once a week or so but do not appreciate to be made to work for days that I did not request off. It makes me very uncomfortable with being told that I owe her for things I did not have control over.

anyways, there are loads of other things that have happened but these are the main things that are on my mind now. What do you all think? Am I overreacting to things?

I am going to be looking for a 'grown up job' now that I have completed my BA but in the meantime I need to keep this job as I can't afford to be without it.

sorry for the long post! Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[Chunksmum]

Hi avablue, I don't have any advice to help you deal with that terrible situation but just wanted to say that your boss sounds awful, what a mean and horrible woman! I can't believe she has made personal notes about you, that's crazy! She should most definitely be taking her dog to the vet herself, especially as it's not a one off. I feel sorry for her dog too! It sounds as though she is taking advantage of you, leave and find a new employer who will appreciate all you do for their family. Best of luck.

[avablue]

Thank you Chunksmum. I think I just need confirmation that she was out of line and that I wasn't just being silly. I am looking for a new job now!

[CocoC]

Avablue definitely resign. She sounds horrendous. Good luck with your job search.

[avablue]

Thank you!

[midivydale]

She sounds nuts!

[LondonMix]

You definitely don't owe her for days off and her insisting you care for her dog if you have expressed that you are uncomfortable is out if order. Her calling you in while you were sick is outrageous especially as she had an alternative and suggests she's deeply narcissistic.

Find a new employer!

[ryedalema]

Hi avablue

Just wanted to reiterate..she is nuts and a terrible employer.Great nannies are really difficult to find, you'd easily get another employ if you wanted one, before starting your new career.

Perhaps if you signed on with an agency (I assume you are not with one right now) they'll give you a bit of employment support for this type of thing.

And one last thing - I'd keep a diary on her!If things get awkward, you might need this.

Poor dog, poor child...poor you!

[avablue]

Thank you everyone! That is a great idea about keeping a diary of everything that has happened. I may have to leave before the notice period is up if things continue on like this and the diary is a good way to back up why I am leaving.

[Pugwash]

I think you have been brilliant - so many others would not have taken pity on the poor dog and taken to vets.

An old friend had an au pair for a while to help out with her 4 children and if the au pair was asked to do an hour more than her contracted hours, refused even when my friend (a teacher) was stuck at school waiting for a parent to collect a child.

[minder]

I read this thread last night and then again tonight as very confusing!

Were you taking the dog to the vet and the child you were meant to be looking after? Or just the dog and leaving child with Mum?

Hope you get it sorted soon.

[Mazza6]

Dear Avablue,

As a mum and dog owner I was astonished by your post. The mother sounds like she has some serious issues. She sounds so manipulating and obviously doesn't give two hoots about the dog. Is there a father on the scene?

She sounds a very sad individual and hopefully your next employer or family will appreciate you.

Keep notes and stand your ground, don't let this horrible woman bully you. Feel so sorry for the little girl (and the dog)!

Makes you wonder why she lost her job?

All the best.

[ad2000]

Second everything said. I thought about this post last night and as Ryedelma says, you would be snapped up by a other family. Good nannies are hard to come by. Don't make yourself I'll by staying there. It might jeopardise your degree if you become sick through all of this. Look after yourself and take care. I think you were very brave to post this. Good on ya. X

[standswithfist]

if you haven't already then start advertising for a new position! She is out of order! One of my babysitters is an au pair and her host mother is also horrid. i'm helping her look for a new position. Its a pity they don't realise what a valuable important role you do.