Etiquette question

[Salsaboy]

Unfortunately I have to attend a funeral in the next week or so and since it has been a fair time since I last went to one, I'm wondering what the etiquette is with regards to dress. Do I wear a dark suit with a dark tie? Something more relaxed with no tie? Where would I sit in the church? Do I go the crematorium with the close family members?

The person concerned is my ex mother in law and whilst I get on well with my ex wife, I never really got on with her mother. We tolerated each other when she was alive. However I did know her for nearly 30 years. I want to go to the funeral to support my ex-wife and my 2 daughters and also to pay my respects to the rest of her family.

[computedshorty]

To attend a funeral you can ask how others will dress.

These days it is less formal, dress as you would think your exmother in law would like.

At the crematorium try talking to family then sit with close family members?

Perhaps you could ask your daughters.

By your being there will show you care.

.

[Seabag]

Personally, i'd play safe and wear the Clown outfit

But don't honk the horn as she goes down/in

[Salsaboy]

Seabag, you read my mind!

[Louisa]

Depends on your religious/cultural traditions, or hers/her family. Traditionally a suit and black tie for a man and a dress or trouser suit for a woman and optional black hat and vale.

Louisa.

[alice]

You are going to support your daughters - their grandmother is dead. so you sit with them - which will, no doubt be at the front, next to their mother. and you swallow that small bit of sick because you are a good dad.

[aquarius moon]

It's always best to wear dark suit & tie to a funeral unless told otherwise (I'd personally prefer blue & white at mine)

As for seating arrangements/where to go after etc., I'm sure you will find all that out when you arrive.

Just being there is more important than etiquette.

[DulwichFox]

aquarius moon Wrote:

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> It's always best to wear dark suit & tie to a

> funeral unless told otherwise (I'd personally

> prefer blue & white at mine)

>

Forever Millwall hey. ? ;-)

Foxy

[steveo]

Think Viking

[ruffers]

alice Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> You are going to support your daughters - their

> grandmother is dead. so you sit with them - which

> will, no doubt be at the front, next to their

> mother. and you swallow that small bit of sick

> because you are a good dad.

I went to a funeral a while back for a man I barely knew, but his daughter is my best friend. It felt a bit awkward initially being at the front but I was there to support her and did so, and on reflection being anywhere else would have been wrong.

Re what to wear - go conservative unless explicitly told different. Dark suit, white shirt, black tie.

[Siduhe]

Agree with the above. Dark suit and tie - black, blue, grey all fine I personally think. One of those occasions where overly formal is better than underdressed. Unless the family have asked for something different.

[aquarius moon]

DulwichFox Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

Forever Millwall hey. ? ;-)

>

> Foxy

Definitely. With white horses wearing blue ribbons!

[Salsaboy]

Thanks all. To the shops for a dark suit it is.

[Jeremy]

Personally, I wouldn't buy a suit if I didn't already have one. If the weather's not cold, surely black trousers/tie with white shirt should be OK.

Also, maybe worth nothing that Moss Bros rent out normal suits (not just morning/evening suits) if you really want to wear a suit but not buy one.

[red devil]

Go for a dark grey suit as opposed to black, you'll get more wear out of it in the future, and it will take coloured shirts better. I don't see why you couldn't have, say, a very pale blue shirt with a darkish tie and avoid black all together...

[Pugwash]

The last funeral I went to was a mixture of dark clothing and some very bright ones -immediate family wearing dark colours including brown and green. Rest of the attendees wearing a mixture of colours.

Nobody wore a hat. The children were in casual trousers and shirts, the girls in leggings or dresses.

One funeral I went to we were asked to wear bright colours as the deceased hated people looking drab!

[Salsaboy]

Was gonna go for a very nice navy, single breasted with pale blue shirt and black tie, black shoes.

[Sue]

Pugwash Wrote:

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> The last funeral I went to was a mixture of dark

> clothing and some very bright ones .

xxxxxxxxx

Same here. But I do think better to play safe with unless you've asked the family.

[JohnL]

My mother actually requested in her will that some people wear brighter clothing

I then realised that most people (us Welsh anyway) will still stick to black anyway.

She also replaced the priest with a spiritual friend (at least he knew her really well)..