East Dulwich better than West Dulwich and vice versa

[AlleynAlleyn]

Being new to both the EDF and the WDF (why no DVF?) I am fascinated at the many, many threads and postings over the months about how everyone from East / West Dulwich is a chavy ponce or a stuck up toff or whatever.

I suggest we settle all this East vs West stuff the good old-fashioned way. An organised punch up. Think of the fight scene from Gangs of New York. Winners get exclusive access to Dulwich Village. And the losers have to shut their forum down - forever. If East loses, they get renamed South Peckham and wear shell suits until the end of time. Ditto if West loses, renamed as East West Norwood, and a compulsory diet of burger and chips for ever.

Very important to agree in advance the acceptable weapons range. I suggest chariot units use those ginormous baby buggies - the sort that seem not to fold down anymore when taken into crowded cafes. Currently being modified to replace Humvees in Iraq. One person in each, armed with oven-hardened ciabattas, to be pushed by no more than two pushers. (Or one Polish nanny.)

Items for throwing to involve any of the many forms of local listing / chat / glossy ads magazines - SE21 Magazine (and all the other postcodes), Dulwich Life, Female Beauty Products Illustrated, Living South etc., etc. Good to find something useful to do with them all at last. But suggest all articles by Dulwich Mum be removed first - so toxic they will infringe International Law about chemical weapons, war crimes etc.

Equivalent to medieval boiling oil for chucking in eyes to be skinny decaf soya lattes or balsamic vinegar. But not both combined - see above.

If hostilities run over into the following Monday, all Nanny combatants to have the day off, of course.

Finally, WW1-style Western Front truces to be arranged every 30 minutes for parties to get together and discuss house prices, best nurseries, and recommend estate agents.

Additional suggestions welcome.

Finally, time and place - to allow for planning and training, I suggest April 1st at 12.00 outside the Dog and Hat.

See you all there . . .

Meanwhile, drinks party for all those Dulwich residents who do not care about East / West: inside the Dog and Hat at the same time. Seats by the front windows. Bring camcorders for posterity and enjoy the free show.

[Asset]

chortle

[snorky]

wizard wheeze

[dulwichmum]

AlleynAlleyn,

There will only ever be one DVF sweetie.

Check it out in Gill Holland, dans le village!