Dear Gillian "The unopened letters diary"

[woofmarkthedog]

Ms Gillian Watson

56 Knowhere Street

London

SE22-OMG

2nd March 2009

Dear Gilly

It's been a long time so I thought I'd write to you first before calling round

to see you. They say time flies but that's not really true because those 21 years plus

2 on remand well dragged somewhat , specially the last 3 added for 'Conduct disorders"

I never thought I had a head for heights but getting out onto that roof wasn't as bad as

it looked. Did you see me waving? hope you did. Anyway how are you, I bet you have just sat down

after reading this, I expect you have been a bit busy & that's why you got your solicitor

to write me instead, not surprising really with all that moving you been doing still I like

East Dulwich.I know it a little bit from memory, up near the Maudsley that I do know.

Well will be keen to carry on where we left off last time.

All my love as ever 4 ever. reely missed you.

Tony

xxxx

P.S Got an interview at the skills centre soon so will be a Tradesman soon finngers & toes crossed, is your mum still alive mine isnt ...but you know that so wont go over that again

Pps. Are you still agoraphobic after the cupboard game?

[silverfox]

Made me titter

[bigbadwolf]

Dear Tony

I was thrilled to receive your long awaited letter but to be honest your name rarely pops up in conversation after the 'incident' that happened all those years ago. I'm sorry to say that Alison got married about ten years ago and lives with an accountant in Scunthorpe but she says she's happy so please don't go and start upsetting things for her. I hope things go well for you at the skills centre but I should imagine it's not touch on the prison workshop but on the upside I'm sure it'll be very refreshing to handle sharp objects again.

We now have a chest of draws.

[Moos]

Nice work, Woof and Big.

[woofmarkthedog]

Andrew Starling

(A.k.a andystar)

56 Knowhere Street

London

SE22-OMG

7th June 2009

Dear Andrew

Thank you for taking care of my "missing parcels" however imagine my surprise

when I opened them only to find the contents had been well "tampered" with!

I had ordered the extra large one with super life batteries which last normally

up to 18 hours of continuos use, they are now flat & dead as a dodo, the handle

was sticky and smelt awful. On the plus side a squirt of Detol bathroom cleaner

and a new set of Duracells & it runs like new, did you notice smoke coming

from it when you "inspected" it? possibly not I imagine you cant get your neck

round that far.

Anyway if you find the instructions please hold onto them.

I do quite like the "bronco" setting for now but it can make your arm a bit tired.

By the way the outfit you were wearing under your dressing gown looked okay.

I did however notice the 2 "W"s tatooed on your "downstairs" cheeks,coz when you bent down to pick

something up it spelt WoW or MoM but which ever way ,I quite liked it.

Oh lastly how long had you been horse riding this week-end, you looked a bit sadlesore still.

Yours sincerely & in gratitude.

Gillian Watson

Ps.Is the D.C adaptor working ? I'm having a nasty tingling sensation when plugged direct to the mains*

[bigbadwolf]

Dear Gillian

Yes I confess I did have a peak inside. I consulted Rupert who was equally curious as to what the package contained and with all this jihadi business these days one can't be to careful. At first I was a little puzzled as to what the contraption was but as soon as I saw the tag line 'satisfies all womanly sensitivities' it was perfectly obvious. I was actually rather relieved as Prunella and Ptolemy were coming round for tea and radio 4 and I had neglected to prepare anything to eat. Well my womanly sensitivities were instantly aroused so I put you electric cake mixer to immediate use. I'm glad to say that the whole thing was a splendid success. Pru was simply blushing with pleasure as thick cream dripped from her portion onto her chin and Ptolemy, well, lets just say it took his breath away.

I didn't go horse riding this weekend. Far too busy and I was very puzzled concerning your reference to a racy tattoo.

[Andystar]

woofmarkthedog Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Andrew Starling

>

> (A.k.a andystar)

>

> 56 Knowhere Street

> London

>

> SE22-OMG

>

> 7th June 2009

>

>

> Dear Andrew

>

>

> Thank you for taking care of my "missing parcels"

> however imagine my surprise

> when I opened them only to find the contents had

> been well "tampered" with!

> I had ordered the extra large one with super life

> batteries which last normally

> up to 18 hours of continuos use, they are now flat

> & dead as a dodo, the handle

> was sticky and smelt awful. On the plus side a

> squirt of Detol bathroom cleaner

> and a new set of Duracells & it runs like new, did

> you notice smoke coming

> from it when you "inspected" it? possibly not I

> imagine you cant get your neck

> round that far.

> Anyway if you find the instructions please hold

> onto them.

> I do quite like the "bronco" setting for now but

> it can make your arm a bit tired.

> By the way the outfit you were wearing under your

> dressing gown looked okay.

> I did however notice the 2 "W"s tatooed on your

> "downstairs" cheeks,coz when you bent down to

> pick

> something up it spelt WoW or MoM but which ever

> way ,I quite liked it.

>

> Oh lastly how long had you been horse riding this

> week-end, you looked a bit sadlesore still.

>

> Yours sincerely & in gratitude.

>

>

> Gillian Watson

>

> Ps.Is the D.C adaptor working ? I'm having a nasty

> tingling sensation when plugged direct to the

> mains*

funnily enough, i do have 2 very funny stories about me & vibrators, 1 involved a rather enthusiastic random lady who decided to help me pick one out for a friend in Ann Summers, the other involved 12 vibrators & a girl called Satan.

[woofmarkthedog]

Andystar, i loved the post thread you so innocently started started . I hope you take the Dear Gillian "The unopened letters diary" as a tribute to your good citzenship

W**F

* ps your name isn't Andrew Starling is it ........really?*

*pps. You can PM me your stories, but careful as I'm easily shocked*

[Andystar]

woofmarkthedog Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Andystar, i loved the post thread you so

> innocently started started . I hope you take the

> Dear Gillian "The unopened letters diary" as a

> tribute to your good citzenship

>

>

> W**F

>

>

> * ps your name isn't Andrew Starling is it

> ........really?*

>

> Nope- it's Devenish-Phibbs.

> *pps. You can PM me your stories, but careful as

> I'm easily shocked*

well they are not for people of a nervous disposition & i don't really want to incur the wrath of the EDF for accidently killing a precious forumite. ( i also cant be bothered to type )

[woofmarkthedog]

O K