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I had a female flatmate in Clapham once - the first thing she said to me was "Hi nice to meet you - you own me ?3 a month for insurance". Then she used to complain about me getting hair gel on the mirror.


She gave me so much abuse I thought she'd make the perfect wife so I married her and made her life difficult.

The only person I have ever really shared with was a good friend of mine. As we had been friends since we were kids, gone through school together and even worked together we thought we knew each other pretty well and that sharing a house wouldn?t be a problem.


Well we hadn?t been moved in more than 5 hours and the front room was full of empty beer cans and pizza boxes and there was a game of cricket going on in the passage. I soon realised that things would only get worse especially when getting sky sports connected took precedence over (about 4 month?s precedence) unpacking the boxes in the front room.


After that things went steadily downhill and I watched, powerless as the kitchen never realised its destiny as a place to prepare food but had the role of public house, complete with optics and dart board thrust upon it.


Over the next 4 years I could never be sure of who or what I would be confronted with when I got home from work or a hard night out. I would regularly be forced to drink beer and watch various sporting events way before the Yard Arm of proverb had even awoken let alone decided where it stood in relation to the sun. It was not unheard of to wake up on sleepy weekend mornings to find strange women in the house. Some of them would even make you coffee and insist on engaging in small talk. There was a 5ft long sword hung over the fireplace and a house plant called Humphrey.


It was fucking brilliant.

Sounds great Brendan, and not that unusual either maybe. Its always nice to wake up and see new girls in the house, even if they are not "yours". There is the obvious dissappointment that your flatmate has been more successful on the pulling front the previous evening than yourself, but then on the bright side, you at least get to look at his conquest the next morning.

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