3 year old not bonding with au pair

[alimc]

Help! Any tips from those of you used to having an au pair?

Au pair seems very nice if a little shy with my girl. My girl clearly sees her as a threat to her time with Mummy and Daddy and is basically completely disobedient and doesn't want to do anything for her or be with her. I completely understand that she doesn't want to lose any time with us but I just wish they would get on!

It's only been a week and a half and it is our first au pair but it's proving to be quite stressful.

I think none of it is helped by the fact that the au pair is a little unsure of our daughter and needs to be a bit more outgoing and 'fun' but we can't change her personality.

[Dulwich Born And Bred]

Sometimes children do not connect with an adult , it's personalities clashes .

As someone who has worked in childcare I had an instant rapport with all my children from the off as we just took to each other , it's the reason why I think it's important when interviewing that the childcarer and child interacts with each other at the interview face to face to see if there is a rapport but obviously with au pairs being interviewed via Skype etc it works differently so I cannot really offer advice on that count except to try and get them to go to fun places and do fun things together and see if that helps in bonding .

[landsberger]

Bear in mind also that the child may be being wilful wishing to bend you to her will. She may be hoping you dispense with the aupair and return to the previous state of affairs. I agree wholeheartedly with DulwichBorn&Bred that getting them to go to fun places and do fun things together and will help in bonding.

[Peachpie]

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[WorkingMummy]

Oh poor you.

Totally with Peachpie on this one. As you say, both your child and your au pair are behaving totally understandably and as Peachpie says the onus is on you to bring them together in fun ways. And give lots of encouragment and reassurance to both.

Having an au pair, straight from her parents' house to you as host, in a foreign country, is a bit like having a new child. Potentially a great big sister to your LO and a really useful help to you but hardly an adult herself - and probably with no experience playing with strangers' children.

Hang in there. I find that a lot of effort in the first few weeks, including your au pair in all you do as a family, just basic routine stuff like meals and walks, really pays off. And as Peachpie says, talk to your au pair. Ask her if there is anything she thinks would help and let her know your plans to make things easier. And ask for her input as you go along.

It will pass.

[minder]

Maybe the aupair is just taking in all what she is expected to do? i.e looking after your 3 year old?

As you say it's only been a week or so to get used to things so let the au pair get on with it in her own way?

[alimc]

thanks so much, everyone. Taking your advice on board and things are slowly improving.

[WorkingMummy]

Great to hear.Really feel for you. I've had the same issue once or twice. It's stressful but normal and will pass.

Xx