giving up the dummy

[mumum]

our 2 year old has always had a dummy for sleeping mainly, but also for comfort in the car and sometimes buggy. I'd like her to quit, but find it so hard. I thought maybe she could give santa the dummy and be distracted by all her presents, but she just went completely hysterical and screamed for hours when she didn't get her dummy at night, so I gave in (santa had forgotten to take one dummy, luckily). Should I just bin the dummy and leave her to scream, is this normal? Will she become a heroin addict or chain smoker? Anyone have any tips?

[helena handbasket]

From the "Big Book of Bad Mommy Advice".......

We have been trying to get our son to kick the habit forever. We now have it confined to the bed only, which at least eliminates the daytime habit. How? Well...... we now pay him to leave it in his bed. Just a coin, any coin (he doesn't know the difference). We make a huge deal about the coin and putting it in his little bank, and then every few days when at the shops we let him "buy" himself a little treat with his earnings. We have tried absolutely everything else but this is working so although I'm sure many people will think it a horrible solution, it's well beyond that so we're just thrilled to have any progress. Not sure how to get rid of the night time dummy but baby steps I say.

It is also working for potty training. ;-)

[Pickle]

There's nothing bad about that advice! Great way to teach him about saving, spending, value of money etc. while slowly eliminating the dummy.

Better than my "chocolate is the solution for every problem" approach :-$

Mumum, personally I would try a slightly gentler approach, try to drop the dummy during the day and once that's been successful start working on the night time. My little boy has a smelly soft toy dog which he sucks (horrible), but is old enough now to understand that it's only for bedtime, and it never moves from his room (thank goodness, I'd be quite embarrassed to take it out in public!). I'm quietly hopeful that one day he'll decide that he can just cuddle it rather than suck it!

[ludoscotts]

we are trying the same method as pickle suggested we had got our 2 yr old to only have her dummy in bed. was working really well until a few weeks ago when she got a very nasty cold where she didnt move off my knee for 3 days, wouldnt eat and only wanted teddy and dummy! didnt see the point in fighting with the fact that we had gone back a step as we were going away for christmas and knew with missed naps etc all routine would be out of the window. We plan on starting again this week with the only dummy in bed thing again then try to deal with getting rid of it at night. I had a dummy when I was little and my mum got rid of it by saying that I had to give it to the baby when my sister was born and apparently I was very happy to give it up when she was born-plan on thinking about baby no 2 next year so maybe will try that when the time comes.

[Sanne Panne]

What's your main reason for wanting her to quit? Do you just dislike the idea of a habit that may be harder to beat with time (and which will lead to heroin addiction by age 4 :)))? Are you worried about her teeth or her speech development? Do you dislike the look/idea of a toddler with a dummy in her mouth when out and about?

I would guess it's easiest to deal with daytime usage first like the other posters said. Does she sleep well? Does she have the dummy in her mouth almost all night (if not, you don't even need to worry about her teeth that much)? Since she only has it in the buggy and car seat during the day it's not such a bad addiction anyway and it might therefore not even be so very difficult to beat the daytime habit! Good luck (my 17 month old has the dummy in the exact same situations as your daughter does and I'm also planning on getting rid of buggy and car seat usage first... hopefully before baby 2 is born in June as I believe that new sibling arrival isn't the right time to change any habits)

[alethea]

I had exactly the same thing as you, built up for ages saying that he had to give it to santa etc and it went really well, he went to sleep with a bit of whinging but did go to sleep okay. The problem was when he woke during the night and didn't understand why his dummy was not there.

I have also had two massive tantrums today where he wanted it and I have to say that I have just ridden the storm with it and eventually he just stopped the tantrum. A bit of distraction worked as well taking his mind off the dummy.

Still at a bit of a loss how to deal with the night situation, am expecting my 2nd in april so keep saying that the dummy is for babies etc, even when the adverts are on telly with little babies I say that the dummy is for babies. I don't know if this is going to sink in or not. But I guess the main consolation is that eventually he will just grow out of it.

Good luck

Ax

[mumum]

thanks, these are very useful ideas, will try restricting dummy to bed only, and start the coins and the repetition of that dummies are for babies. I found for potty training, repeating myself constantly about it worked really well. I don?t really think dummies lead to heroin addiction, but the dummy does seem to me like an addiction, judging from my daughters "withdrawal" symptoms. I am worried mostly about my daughters teeth though, as she has the dummy in her mouth pretty much all night and she wakes up with really bad breath! I brush her teeth and boil the dummy, but still it?s disgusting.

[Susie1791]

Slight deviation but mumum's comment re brushing teeth prompted me...my little boy is 17 months old and has 16 of his teeth, brushing his teeth is sometimes no more than him sucking the toothpaste off the brush but I feel like at least it's in his mouth and it's part of his bed time routine so hopefully the bristles are doing some work whilst in his mouth but it's not brushing exactly! Should I be more strict at this stage? But I find it very difficult to explain/reason with a 17 month old on how to brush properly, just curious as to what other mum's do. I'm also having the same issue with dummy's and what's even more disgusting is he will only sleep with one type of dummy which Tommy Tippee no longer do so it's been the same dummy since he was tiny, I boil it too but I dread to think what germs lurk but to try him with any others always results in major tears.

[Sanne Panne]

Susie, regarding the dummies, you could be me a few months ago! I think I know exactly which dummies you mean, they are the silicon orthodontic rim ones in the transparent packaging and as opposed to other dummies the "teats" aren't flattened and don't have a tip that points upward (and they collect visible dirt under the rim that you can't brush or boil out, yum). You can still buy them on eBay for ?10 a pair (hahaha, crazy but I've done it twice) or... try the MAM 6+ month dummies, the "teats" of the dummy is nearly identical to the old Tommee Tippee one. Worked for my daughter. Check in the box that the dummies do indeed have the right teats (not sure if MAM has more than one type of 6+ month dummies) - the big Sainsbury's has them.

As for teeth brushing, I used to just let my 17 month old chew on the brush (or lick it like a lollypop if I'd just put the paste on) but I recently turned it into a game where she needs to say AAAAAAAH (mouth wide open) and as a reward she gets the brush with yummy toothpaste in her mouth for a bit in the form of me brushing a few of her teeth. If she tries to grab the brush, I take her hands away and remove the brush and say "nooooooo, mummy will do it". Then I say AAAAAH and she'll copy me and on we go until all teeth are done. It took a few days but now it works. At the end she gets to have the brush all to herself with a bit of new toothpaste on it. If all else fails I have another tip that your son will hate but that has no risk of accidents (which forcing a toothbrush into a mouth normally does)... Better to first try creating a positive association though!

[Susie1791]

Yep Sanne, they are exactly the ones! I did try the MAM 6+ ones a couple of months back, but might try them again and double check the teat. I've got quite a collection of different dummies now! Because like you pointed out under the rim looks pretty unhygenic to me! Also, thanks alot for the tips on brushing, I actually done the AAAAH bit tonight and he found it hilarious so it's a good start :-) and I got the brush in for a very quick brush!

[Vangough]

Best tip is slowly restrict the dummy to bedtime only (a 2 yr old will understand this) ours actually liked to be 'grown-up' and only have it at night time. We dreaded the day when we'd get rid of it altogether though. We made a big deal of her getting a 'big girl's bed' instead of her cot when we were switching over sleeping arrangements and that would mean no dummy in the proper bed. She totally bought it. Never asked for it again !

[Sanne Panne]

Vangough Wrote:

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> Best tip is slowly restrict the dummy to bedtime

> only (a 2 yr old will understand this) ours

> actually liked to be 'grown-up' and only have it

> at night time. We dreaded the day when we'd get

> rid of it altogether though. We made a big deal of

> her getting a 'big girl's bed' instead of her cot

> when we were switching over sleeping arrangements

> and that would mean no dummy in the proper bed.

> She totally bought it. Never asked for it again !

How old was she when you switched her to the big girl's bed?

[LizzieG]

A Change...

My daughter had a dummy till she was 2.2 and we desperately wanted to get rid of it, we restricted it to in the bed, then she would be found in the bed during the day!! She had started waking in the night if it fell out and screaming until she found it again. Her speech was not benefitting from having it and it was driving us all mad.

Anyway i read that a change of scene was a great time to forget it! so we went to stay with my parents and didn't take it with us! my mother nearly had a sense of humour faliure!! but my daughter was fine - we told her that we had forgotten it and if she could go to sleep with out it we would take her to the toy shop in the morning to buy a new toy to have in bed with her! And we really did not have one to give her.

It worked, the next day she bought Winnie the Pooh who still sleeps in her bed and she is nearly 3 now. she has never put a dummy back in her mouth.

I hope this helps

[Sanne Panne]

What a great idea Lizzie. We're at the "bed only" stage with our 17 month old and that's working out fine. We make sure the dummy is out of reach whenever she's not in bed (she used to walk up to her cot and stick her arms through the bars trying to reach it) but the change of scene idea is great for getting rid of it at night. At the same time I'm thinking that they may want/need it more when they're not sleeping at home but once they're old enough to reason with them it may actually work!

[helena handbasket]

"Once they're old enough to reason"...... when exactly is THAT? :))

[Sanne Panne]

helena handbasket Wrote:

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> "Once they're old enough to reason"...... when

> exactly is THAT? :))

Yeah maybe I'm being optimistic here

[sb]

.

[Sanne Panne]

Very interesting, sb. I didn't know about fluoride being recommended (again). My daughter loves my toothpaste so she would be ok switching. I do wonder why it is that all those "all natural" and baby toothpastes don't have fluoride. Is there some controversy over it being swallowed? Will do a bit of research and will switch if favourable. I remember being given tiny fluoride chewing tablets as a child. Delicious they were.

As for the dried fruit... I knew it but I'm still guilty! My daughter loves dried apricots (Sains organic has them partially rehydrated, so very easy to eat) and I often give them as a snack.

Am going to try to be good from now on, "one day she'll be grateful" (ahahah).

[Pickle]

Thanks for posting SB, that's good information. The fluoride thing is interesting - the water where I grew up (NZ) had fluoride added and I never had any problems with my teeth. In the 9 years since I moved to the UK I've had all sorts of problems with the enamel wearing etc., so I'm sure it makes a big difference. I've been using the milk teeth toothpaste for my kids, but wasn't aware the fluoride content was lower (I just assumed it was a taste difference), so will try to get them onto adult stuff.

[helena handbasket]

We came from a place with fluoridated water as well, so baby toothpaste there doesn't have any fluoride. When we moved here I was so worried about training toothpaste with fluoride that I had my parents send me loads of Canadian toothpaste. Felt a bit foolish when someone told me that there is no fluoride in the water and I had essentially cut all sources of it completely out of his day! Needless to say he's back on the wagon.......

The dummy on the other hand..........

[sb]

G.