Recently single....

[Elliekp]

and its crap.....any tips?

[RosieH]

It's shit, (the being recently single, not being single bit). I'm sorry to hear that. But then, seeing someone isn't always a bed of roses either...

Keep busy. Keep very busy. Have fun - as much as you can cram in. Forum drinks on Friday if nothing else beforehand.

And put your mobile in the other room when you go to bed and feel like texting

[monica]

I know what you are going through, Im going through the same after a 12 year marriage. I have just been out with friends for dinner,had a great time. circle yourself with Friends and think about yourself, its your time now. And if you want to ever meet up let me know x

[Debstar7]

Monica is so right. I split with my ex after 15 years. It hurts like hell but 18 months later I'm actually enjoying being single & putting myself (& 3 kids)first.

Time is a great healer ;-)

D x

[Elliekp]

Gosh I was only with him for 2 years.... cant imagine what its like after 12 or 15!! Its difficult cause he didnt really do anything wrong we just weren't right for each other so i still love him and want to be with him but I know i shouldnt so it makes it extra hard!! Monica - I might take you up on the offer one day!! x

[daizie]

Blimey monica, that must be hard. You will get used to it though :)

[monica]

Well anytime Ellie, Debstar7 I dont have children and in that way Im thankful. I am hurting but I have done the right thing for myself, and hopefully in the long run my former hubby. I am going to be at the drinks on Friday Ellie, meet you there, or we will be in the Palmerston beforehand from around 6pm. Or anytime you are feeling slightly wobbly, pm me.

[katie1997]

agree its very difficult to adjust to being recently single esp after a long-term relationship.

Throw yourself into work/go out with friends/try new things...anything to divert attention from your ex will help! Elliekp, it WILL get better.

(Looking back a long time ago) my ex left me after a 10 year relationship at 26 and I felt my world had ended, it really hurt at the time but I realise afterwards he had ultimately done me a favour; I plucked up the courage to go back to uni for evening study (something I couldn't do whilst in the relationship).

It probably won't feel like it yet but in my experience the end of a relationship can open new (better) doors elsewhere. Hope to meet you at one of the forum drinks if I ever make it too, not forgetting the walks round the park :)) xxxx

[monica]

Katie Im at Uni just about to start my disseration proposal on my MSc and its keeping me distracted, thank god. Daizie although it only happened 3 weeks ago, I do feel better, because I know I will be happier in the long run.

[katie1997]

Monica - thats fab you are doing your MSc....don't look back (easier said than done at times I know). You will have such a sense of achievement and I am sure it will bring you happiness and open new doors!!! For sure!! Studying is a great distraction it really is but a worthwhile one at that!! Best of luck to you xxxxx

[monica]

Thanks Katie, good luck with all your future plans too xxx

[giggirl]

Monica - I'm terribly sorry - that's a really hard place to be in after all that time together.

Ellie - very sorry that you're suffering too.

Ladies I really hope that neither of you are single for too long - I'm sure there's someone special out there for each and every one of us (I'm a romantic at heart).

[monica]

Thank you Gigirl, really appreciated. xx

[KidKruger]

One of the up-sides is that you have learned things which you can take them into the next relationship (though don't rush), you will be a more complete and richer human for it.

[PeckhamRose]

Well I hate to say this but I have a few friends who are in their sixties and seventies and they are single and have been for years and they are the happiest people I know. Being female they're self reliant and can get things done themselves rather than having to wait for someone else!

Having said all that, it is NOW that matters and you're hurting and that's crap and I am so sorry. May I offer one piece of unsolicited advice? Get to know your strengths. Get to pamper yourself. Get to treat yourself. Realise you are worth the effort. Christ I sound like I should write a self help book. After I chucked my boyfriend before MrPR, I was on my own for 2 years. I really really learned to trust myself and learned my weaknesses and my good points, and I did sulk and I did have times where I couldn't be bothered to go out for weeks, but slowly it started happening. The girlfriends did not let me go, and then I met MrPR through a Time Out ad. Go out and get what you want. Life's generally shit for many people, so get all the enjoyment you can and spoil yourseld rotten. You deserve it. Then when the time is right and you're feeling strong and fabulous again, go out and get him. He may be reading this thread and he'll be at a monthly EDF meet, or he may be on a bus. But avoid the dating agencies. But that's for the future anyway. Give YOURFABULOUSSELF some time.

[SeanMacGabhann]

This times ten

Whilst it's been a while since I was single (touch wood) I remember this phase like it was yesterday. And a number of friends (one in particular - non-ED person) has so little faith in herself that she bounces straight into another unsuitable relationship. I keep echoing PeckhamRose's comments to her and yet I had to listen to the same "why's" when it went wrong again..

[Keef]

I also have a friend (female) who seems to constantly jump out of the frying pan of one relationship, in to the fire of another. I wish she wouldn't, but there you go.

Enjoy yourself for a bit, there is always time for relationships later.

[????]

Keef's hinted at it but can I just say that the very male response of getting absoultely trolleyed and behaving badly does have its merits..

[Mick Mac]

Nobody to stop you watching sport full time either.

[Roll Deep]

My tip for enduring a sexless existence is to go and buy yourself a remote controlled helicopter. After you've worked out how to get the bloody thing off the ground you'll have endless fun strafing cyclists and skateboarders alike.

The affair will be so distracting you'll soon forget about piffling matters such as love and affection. I know I did.

Oh, and stock up on tissues.

[giggirl]

Roll Deep Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My tip for enduring a sexless existence is to go

> and buy yourself a remote controlled helicopter.

If you're thinking of going down the "remote controlled" route then you may find a rabbit more rewarding.

[Keef]

Keef's hinted at it but can I just say that the very male response of getting absoultely trolleyed and behaving badly does have its merits..

Word!

I always like to offer a shoulder to recently split up friends, so I can help them with this.

[*Bob*]

Start-off on a self-destructive path of trying to cop-off with all the people you wish you 'could have' whilst you were still in a relationship - but end-up copping off with the ones you never gave a thought to because they're the only ones who offer.

Shamelessly contact ex-girlfriends on Facebook / Friends Reunited.

Then, have a short-lived relationship (3-4 months, tops) with someone you're not that bothered about, knowing you can get out of it relatively easily by looking all vulnerable and saying it's 'too soon' to get into anything heavy.

Briefly consider - then quickly reject - Guardian Soulmates.

Pencil-in a couple of bunk-ups with the Ex too, for good measure.

[legalbeagle]

Bob - I think the equasion is "comedy=tragedy+time".

I'm wondering whether you've given the "time" bit enough thought - or am I being a wee bit oversensitive here?!

[monica]

Lol Well im sure we will all take that on board, thanks. Funnily enough my ex has been emailing me, but I have said no to a meet up. Although you physically detach from someone, you cannot emotionally detach as quick. Although on my part the love has gone, It will be a few months before I even think about relationships, let alone looking for a bunk up.B)