Peckhamgatecrasher

Last Irish man who went up the bell tower didn't fare too well.

That's definitely by Pele, published by Methuen.

Cheers, maxxi. That's a wrap.

Well bugger me, I'm precariat. Didn't take into account I'm a huge snob, can finish the Telegraph crossword, socialise with physicians and surgeons and horribly high-up civil servants and listen to TMS. *passes hat round*

Please ask whoever owns the house to shift the alarm over to the right a few inches - it's really irritating me, like wonky picture frames.

I reckon plumber chappie was shooting albatross from boat accompanied by two lads. He then turns to showing off his William Tell qualities, balancing a mobile phone on their heads and rocking motion means he accidentally kills boy one and mobile is lost. He frightens boy two into silence. Whole thing witnessed by Pauline while out walking dog on cliffs. She is now blackmailing plumber. Boat set on fire to hide evidence. Vicar will catch a large fish which has swallowed said phone - photos on phone will incriminate plumber in albatross-shooting incident which is probably illegal and he will crack under questioning and confess to manslaughter. [Can't have too many miracles where large fish are concerned] Blood in beach hut actually from earlier boyish blood brothers scene as a result of watching too many westerns. The pain caused by this made boy one run away leaving his skateboard behind which Pauline, after a bout of energetic dusting, rides home to the caravan which is downhill. She is too embarrassed to confess. Can't work the postman into this scenario so will have to have a rethink.

If your chap works in an office, perhaps he could request this set up: http://mortgagefreeinthree.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/standing-desk-specs.jpg

Imagine the man was watering two little trees.

As I live opposite a school, forgive me if I don't sign up. However, show me where the online petition for the IOW Kibbutz is and I'll happily put my name to it.

" but standing against your brother, the heir apparent is just wrong. " eh? Says who? When? Why? I always thought that Jacob was a shifty bugger.

Pauline Quirk's dog. Third tombstone from the left as you look at the church door. The plumber's hunk of beef. (Has anyone worked out why he has a crossbow in his van yet?) All guilty, I tell you.

nannyjuice, you should be able to apply to the Council for a disabled parking space outside your home. It will not be exclusively for your use, but in practice you should be able to park there most of the time

Oh, I thought this was the existentialists' thread.

Did Count Robert get married with 20,000 other couples?

@ Quids, Maxxi, El Pibe and any other big girl's blouse who thinks claret and blue is a tasteful colour scheme: "We 'ate Westham, we 'ate Westham."* *ad finitum

Where are you Moos, you old cow? I feel a fight coming on.

I like the new butcher's shop; I've bought clothes in Threads; I have been known to munch on the odd kebab from Sam's; BUT I miss The Wishing Well. Where am I going to watch Millwall's FA Cup run this time? PS: the bollards are downright lewd* *this means they are too near the kerb and my car has kissed them.

The son. The postman. The shopkeeper.

Would that be a certain South African who rarely pops up now, Otta?

You could be right, Quids. Argentina play in blue and white strip, no?

I heart everyone and all things fluffy.

I don't get Harry Hill. Norman Wisdom's stand up worked for me.

Great. Now I have the BeeGees in my head.

I've never been one for classical music.

"...whereas I'd actually miss the pikeys at the New Den if their crap club dissapeared." Who else would correct your spelling for you?