East Dulwich Angst

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. Albert Einstein

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

I walked past a cemetery earlier. I saw 4 men carrying a coffin. 3 Hours later I saw the same 4 men with the same coffin. I thought to myself. . . they've lost the f*cking plot!

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with . . . . . . the other is used to carry groceries.

Just a thought... How about (if not too difficult) if we could add a POLL option to our forum. It would work on the same basis as starting a thread ie. instead of Subject you would put your poll question and underneath would have your poll option where you could add more options. So if your poll was to ask the question "Do you smoke" you could add the options of : yes, no, use to etc. You could have an option for how many days your poll would run for!

The room sounds ok for most plants (including the ones you've mentioned). May I suggest a watering every now & then ;-)

:))

Unless It was a very busy day today, I came home & found.... Threads_____________ ___ Posts 1409 (800 new)........... 28897 (18706 new)

A young blonde Portsmouth girl, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters off Gunwharf Quay. As she stood on the edge, pondering the infinite, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are you babes?" he asked. "Yes, I am." replied the sobbing girl. Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge. "Look, nothing's worth that. I'll tell you what; I'm sailing off for America tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night and I'll look after you if you look after me - if you know what I mean. You just have to keep very quiet so that you won't be found". The girl, having no better prospects, agreed, and the sailor sneaked her on board that very night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor came to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water, and making love to her until dawn. Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship and its lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled blonde, and demanded an explanation. The girl came clean, "I've stowed away to get to America. One of the sailors is helping me out. He set me up in here and brings me food and water every night and he's screwing me." The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a grin cracked his face and he replied, "He certainly is love. This is the Isle of Wight Ferry!"

Three Little Pigs 'too offensive' ::o:-S(6)

A store that sells new husbands has opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: ! Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

You would think that if he was going to talk it would be on a Sunday. Or is that his busiest day ;-)

After seeing Ringo on Jonathan Ross's show Ob La Di Ob La Da - The Beatles bigger hit for Marmalade.

Tonight May Have To Last Me All My Life - The Avalanches

87 hours.... (that is untill I go back to work) >:D

Blinded By The Light - A big Manfred Mann hit originally by Springbean

Respect - original by Otis Redding but a much bigger hit for Aretha Franklin

Together In Electric Dreams - Phil Oakey & Giorgio Moroder

lets go together - Change

I Fought The Law - Sonny Curtis and The Crickets / The Clash [also covered by the Bobby Fuller Four] but I like the Clash's version

Hurt - A big hit for Johnny Cash original by Nine Inch Nails

Playing the ever popular "song game" & seeing all those tunes got me thinking. How about an album of original songs [side A] along with a covered version that was a bigger hit than the original!! [side B] (That'll get the brain tickin') Something like: Tainted Love ? Gloria Jones covered by Soft Cell What pair of songs would you include in your album? My choice would be: It must be love - Labi Siffre covered by Madness

Beyond The Sea - Bobby Darrin

dream - Moses McClean

White Christmas - Bing Crosby Last Christmas - Wham!