Fi from West Dulwich

Kari Me was good and v discrete - I walked from Pimlico to Vauxhall one day with O merrily attached and no one batted an eye. Later on Ergo gets my vote every time, not so much for feeding (although it is possible) but for simply making the heaviest baby seem light and easy to carry.

Good advice all. I would also say don't read any books, especially not The BAby Whisperer - I dearly wish i had never set eyes on the ruddy thing, the book had me desperately trying to disassociate sleep from feeds for my poor little newborn who, it transpires, it a suckler through and through. Some babies are, some aren't, and if you have one, no amount of 'discipline' will change their inclination at the early stage, unless you make them go cold turkey and do the dreaded controlled crying (please please please don't listen to any wellmeaning friends who offer that solution either, studies show raised cortisol levels from prolonged stress are, unsurprisingly, damaging). Find out what your baby wants, and then try to accommodate it as much as possible - eg sleeping in sling, or, dare I say it, in your bed. we swore we wouldn't and guess what, we did and LOVE it! even, in fact especially, my husband. So i suppose to conclude my rambling post is not to write yourself rules before your baby even arrives, but learn with them, and be gentle on them and on you, to give you both the best possible start. I wish i had not spent so long trying to put O down when actually all he wanted was to suckle himself to oblivion. He won every time of course, and quite right too, but i could have saved a lot of heart ache had i just stopped and listened to my instincts. good luck!

And good luck to your brother - it is mortifying having a 'biter'!

i completely agree - feel terrible when i hear of studies forcasting doom for O given that he has watched baby einstein and, dare i say it, desperate housewives (oh those early days breastfeeding on the sofa), but then I remember why I plonked baby einstein on and it was because it was normally 5am and he was raring to go whilst I was shattered after a night of feeding and could barely open my eyes. I do make much more of an effort now to avoid TV as I am sure when he is older it will be much harder, but sometimes you just have to do what you can do make it through the day.

Oooh, that makes me feel MUCH better, thank you.

Reren, I don't know how you 'use' the Steiner dolls as such, but they were recommended to me by my sister, who saw a friend's sons playing beautifully with them, being really gentle and tender. Steiner dolls tend to be plainer and have less 'personality' than ordinary dolls, which helps the child to identify themself with the doll (put perhaps more simply it is easier for my little boy to identify with the plain features of his Steiner doll than with a rag doll with pig tails, freckles, a cheerful smile, a striped dress and absolutely no similarity to himself). There isn't a set way to play with the dolls but the Steiner philosophy is, in my novice experience, all to do with letting the child learn about the world and himself through role play and exploration, and encourages creativity and imagination (and empathy) through limiting exposure to things like TV and modern day toys of the battery operated variety, which don't require any visualisation from the child. I don't think you could buy the doll as a solution to biting, but I do like the idea that my gung ho son is engaging with toys that require imagination and that encourage empathy, as we do things together like pretend to feed and cuddle the doll. Who knows whether it will work or not, but it is certainly nice to see him cuddling the doll rather than looking for new victims!

My 17 month old son is fascinated by the mini micro scooters and dragged one out of JoJo MB the other day in a bid to steal it. Is he a bit too young still though? He is enormous, v v strong and has excellent balance so would probably cope sooner than many children. Thank you in advance for any thoughts.

How adorable - and heart warming. I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of a Steiner doll specifically for toddlers to encourage empathy, and I am ashamed to admit how much it cost (organic etc etc, and gender neutral, and they got me during a fit of maternal guilt which Early Learning Centre just couldn't assuage). But then perhaps we'll save on plastic surgery bills for his cousins?!

Quite agree Susyp, have also noticed the boredom factor, and that praise is more of an incentive than discipline. It is so hard - they are still very little, and yet you don't want their behaviour to result in them becoming the child that everyone else avoids, or, as my mother helpfully contributed, the one that has to be expelled from nursery!

Well the fact that I am in good company does at least make me feel better! And in fact after posting on here I woke up the next day with new resolve to be understanding and have given him more attention than usual and seen far fewer 'attacks'. I think he suffers more from insecurities over my attention when other children are around that he shows and that I have given him credit for, and have resolved to spend more one to one time with him from now on. Hopefully this detente will continue...

Thank you so much Cuppa Tea, you've replied to another of my posts before if I recall, and sound lovely! So reassuring to hear from other mothers and particularly from mothers of challenging boys. Thank you again, Fi

My loving, happy, confident 16.5 month old little boy, who used to be known as the 'gentle giant', has been displaying what I can only describe as violent behaviour in recent weeks. This is quite a shock to me, as he is happy and extremely affectionate and it really isn't born of anger or frustration, but he will, if unsupervised, bite, pull hair and swipe at other children (even, rarely, at adults). It seems that it is simply hugely satisfying for him to flex his muscles - he is very large and strong for his age, and always his been, and he just seems to delight in his physical power. What makes it harder is that he is utterly unfazed by my displeasure afterwards, and just roars with laughter if I am as fierce as can be, or merrily finds something else to play with if I remove him from the room. Ultimately he hates, hates, hates to be ignored or denied my attention/affection, so after a while this does upset him, but because of the time lag in incident and his upset I don't think he associates the latter as a consequence. To give a bit of background on how he is been brought up so far, he is still breast fed, co-sleeps, has me at home with him every day and generally has never had trauma or separation from us, and we are not about to start undermining this firm attachment and confidence, but nor can this behaviour become a habit as it is simply not safe or socially acceptable. We are also quite firm with him when he is into mischief. His language isn't brilliant - he is perfectly bright but doesn't have more than a handful of words and is so intent on charging about that he doesn't give much time or attention to verbal communication. I am going to get him a doll and tea set (don't laugh, I'm told this helps foster gentler, nurturing behaviour in boys and he is certainly rather taken with his girl cousins' tea sets!). Phew, quite exhausted after yet another day of lurking behind his every step trying to protect his poor cousins whilst we all stay at Granny and Grandpa's house, and would be most grateful for your advice if you have had similar experiences. I feel terrible posting this; he really is a delightful child and couldn't be more loving, but he has to learn to control his strength and not to give into every physical impulse, no matter how satisfying it is to pull girl's hair or bite their nose.

I am looking for some ear plugs or an ear band to stop water in ears whilst swimming, for my 16 month old little boy who tends to pull off sunhats and sunglasses. Suspect such items will meet with similar treatment but worth a shot. Does anyone have any recommendations for particular products that fit well and don't get hurled off by toddlers? Thank you in advance for any posts.

Just wanted to report the happy outcome to the stone saga - found in his nappy tonight, hurrah! Phew.

Thanks for this and all replies, since spoken to A and E and NHS Direct and advice is, as clearly not obstructing breathing or causing ill effects, to watch nappies for next 2 weeks, and if no appearance, to go to GP. Just hoping he has the constitution of an ox.

Not me but when I went along to the Dulwich Mums Meet in Dulwich Park (details posted on EDF and they meet up regularly now I think, although I am out of London for the summer), there were 3 mothers in just this position, so you might like to give it a go if you haven't already. They weren't back at work either.

Hmmm, hard to say, maybe 50p piece but a bit more oval shaped, and flattish. Can't believe something that big wouldn't have caused more distress or disturbance though, but can't find the wretched thing on floor so stomach seems the likely location. Don't think in lungs but yes, shall monitor nappy filling and hope for the best! Thank you for the reply, always reassuring.

Why oh why do I ever think I can just leave my toddler for a second and finish doing something, or take a second for myself, when I know that the repercussions more than negate any satisfaction or benefit from said activity? This morning's regret was finishing an email when I knew there was a stone on the door mat, which, it appears, 16 month old O has swallowed. Can't find it anywhere and O appeared looking surprised and a bit sheepish, and drooling. Doesn't appear to have had any ill effects and didn't interfere with breathing, but was a fairly largish irregularly shaped pebble, although thankfully quite flat and not sharp. I know, I know, deeply irresponsible of me to leave him unmonitored with said stone, but he normally just drops them in the dog bowl. Googled advice seems to be to watch out for it in nappies over next week (nice), and if doesn't appear then to go to Dr for x-ray, but can't stop the parental anxiety and would be v grateful for any other advice or tales of similar experiences.

hello brings back horrid memories as had terribly cracked nipples but 16 months later and O is still feeding famously, so if she can grin (or weep) and bear it all will resolve. but, a couple of tips - lansinoh good as per other posts, and also, i would advise her to take the baby to see a cranial osteopath who treats infants, as the baby may have a misaligned jaw after trauma of delivery. O did and all midwives said was latched on fine but I just knew it wasn't right and sure enough had horrible nipple trauma which a chiropractor and cranial osteopath said was in fact due to jaw misalignment, easily remedied and baby much more comfortable too. Good luck!

Am re-allocating first prize to you, Cuppa Tea, for what has to be the best list of all! Your little boy sounds absolutely priceless, although I fear that O may be a contender to his crown in a few years time...

also porridge, oat cakes, rice cakes, corn cakes - you get the idea! variations on the dry toast theme. also grapes - went down a storm with O after rotovirus, and a good source of glucose for energy as well as water to rehydrate, plus the odd vitamin. hope they feel better soon

well don't tell Chee I told you so but when we were out of London for 3 weeks I asked in advance and she said I could just tack them on to the end - in a bid to entice me to re-book another set, which i didn't, but it was very kind of her (not the offical policy, but she can be flexible if you ask nicely!)

Hmmm, contentious issue as this thread shows. Socially, you overstepped the mark; morally, I think you were quite right, and I bet beneath the indignation that woman felt ashamed/guilty. Although I wouldn't have spoken out myself (cowardice, too British?) I think perhaps the only way that people will change their behaviour is through being made to confront it by others. Also, people seem to focus on the rights of the mother but what about the rights of the unborn child, who is the most vulnerable person in all of this? I would far rather some social ripples were caused if it meant that the child's safety were protected. I think you were rather brave to speak out in their defence.

He sounds like he could give O a run for his money. Think O's piece de resistance was probably going to newly-wed friends for Sunday lunch and spending the ENTIRE time hiding their proudly displayed, brand new, wedding list items (got Facebook message afterwards asking if we knew where the rest of their coasters were. Could hardly bring myself to admit over the side of their balcony), helping himself to his father's beer, then, in a final and I think rather inspired move, turning on the TV and selecting firstly Dave, and secondly, the adult channel. I think we pushed back their plans for a family by at least 5 years.

hello, did this with Chee at Honor Oak Rd in a church hall place and O loved them, whilst I made a v nice friend, so happy all round, but think these classes are rather pot luck. definitely try the taster session. wouldn't be one i'd carry on but was a bit different and the under ones class was ideal for pre-crawling, as activities are more mummy's lap based. hope this is helpful and that you at least enjoy a free class!