Lochie

Hi srisky, we did eventually move to Beckenham and really like living here. I've heard that Fennies in Kent House is good(anecdotally). My daughter goes to St James preschool which seems to be a bit of a feeder nursery for Balgowan where my son is in Reception (not literally a feeder but as its the most local pre-school lots of kids go on to Balgowan). We have wrap-around care for preschool from our amazing childminder who lives near the school/pre-schooler. Childminders seem much easier to find around here than I ever found living in the Dulwich area. In terms of things to do, our main weekend activities in Beckenham seem to revolve around the social activities created by our kids being at nursery and school here - families have been very sociable. Neighbours too. Kelsey Park remains our fave park, Croydon Rec great in summer for the outdoor shallow pool, Odeon has a kids club every Sat and Sun (?2.50 per child). Gambados or soft play at the spa if you can bear it (!). Looking forward to driving out into countryside when weather gets warmer, it seems a bit more accessible from here - have heard a few of the parents talk about Coolings but have never been there: http://www.coolings.co.uk/green-and-pleasant/nature-trail. We also find it easy to get up to town e.g. Southbank from Clock House station (under half an hour door to door). I'm sure there's more, i'll let you know when I remember!

We moved into a new house a few weeks ago and the old owner had put parquet flooring in the hallway and kitchen/dining room. It looks amazing and everyone who has visited us has commented on the floor! In terms of actually living with it, I would say that it never feels cold underfoot and we've had no problems with staining so far (I have two young children who treat the floor like a bin). It does feel less of a threat to small people who may fall over which also is a bit of a relief. The old owner said she just kept it clean with a mop and bucket so don't think its that difficult to maintain either.

...just that really! Am thinking of getting some for both kids' bedrooms (2 and 5 years old) but don't want them to get up early because light is coming in during the summer months. Are they as effective as blinds/curtains with a blackout lining?

My nearly 2 year old demolished all the tree chocolates whilst I was out the room for five mins last year....so definitely worth putting any edible decorations up high!

Thanks for those thoughts. Given me the impetus to at least speak to the teacher about it. A few of the other Mums have mentioned that they think there are not enough playground helpers since the bulge class, and that is my main concern, that with 30 more kids at playground they haven't increased the number of adults appropriately. I walk past the playground and have a little spy on an occasional basis and it does seem chaotic, kids charging about all over the place (when do they not?), so my concern is less that my son is being picked on specifically and more that its all become a bit unruly, that 'play fighting' steps over the line and some children become a bit too rough. I asked my son again after he had had a rest on the sofa and he said that he wasn't tripped up on purpose that it was an accident, and that backs up the sick bay manager's explanation which was 'he tripped over someone's foot' - I guess my main concern is how parents ever know, when there are so many kids, what really is going on. Defo a good point on asking what adult/child ratio is and whether it has been appropriately increased to accommodate the extra children...

Not sure if anyone can normalise what seems to me to be overly rough play in the school playground, maybe I am being a bit sensitive... My son is 5 and started Reception in September. He regularly comes home having had some sort of scrape from play/chasing with the other children. Yesterday he said that a year 1 child hit him in the stomach. Today i.e. right now he is sitting on our sofa with a massive blue bump on his head (the school called from sick bay asking me to come in and get him). He said a year 2 child tripped him up 'on purpose,' (but then he has a colourful imagination). He doesn't seem unhappy at school and doesn't resist going. He has friends and his teacher said he is doing fine at our recent parents evening. But then I don't want to ignore any of this if it isn't 'in the norm'. His year bulged so there are 120 Reception children, along with 90 year 1s and 2s in the playground (which is a relatively small playground) during break time. Is this just part and parcel of being in a very crowded school?!!

Thank you so much for comments. Hugely reassuring. Hard to see wood for trees sometimes when you are in the thick of it. Was worried about having to do cold turkey approach! I'll sit it out (and secretly make the most of it) :-)

I'm in a bit of a pickle and hoping someone can kindly share some words of wisdom! My daughter is 2 years 9 months old (second child). She has always been very clingy, however, she now will not do anything without me (mummy!). I've always been open to bed sharing whenever she has had problems settling on her own, however, I now fear she will not be independent from me. She won't let her Dad do anything for her now (not even brush her teeth) and will only let me do it. I can't even take a bath without her needing to stand right next to me whilst I am doing it (I shut her out last night and she spent 10 mins banging on the door in tears wanting to be let in). My son was not like this so I don't have any experience to go on. I have no issue with her wanting to be by my side all the time (find it heart melting really), but I really want her to be able to be able to cope on her own without me for her sake. I don't mind carrying on like this if its something that kids grow out of eventually i.e. within the next year, but I'm also mindful that I haven't shared a bed with my husband for nearly 6 months which feels a bit wrong too. Anyone any experience of how to gently promote a lower dependence on mummy?

I've had a mirena coil for about 18 months. I would really recommend it. Like you used to suffer v heavy periods however they are now pretty much non-existent. Was nervous about having it as didn't want anything hormonal (worried about mood swings and other side effects) but my GP explained the hormones only work locally in area of coil. Have had no side effects at all. It lasts for 5 years so no need for me to worry for a long time. I don't even know I have it. In short it is a great invention!!

Hi UKdealguide - my friend gave birth at Kings a few years ago. As she had a pre-existing medical condition her private health insurance paid for a private room on the post natal ward. I visited her and a private room does exist at Kings. When I arrived to visit her some of the midwives on Reception didn't even know there was a private room when I explained that was where my friend was. It is defo more than just a side room (which I was given after my birth a few years ago). It was a room with a sofa (i think even a tv) and was of a 'private' healthcare standard - my friend was told that if there was mother with a greater need then she would have to give up the room (am assuming in instances of still birth or very poorly mums) which of course she would have done if required. I've no idea how you would find out about this room but might be worth calling the ward to ask. If it makes any difference, I had a horrible first birth experience, used the Brierly midwives for my second child who knew about my first experience and they managed to find me a side room (which was quiet and where I could sleep) when I gave birth at Kings a few years ago. So perhaps you should speak to your midwife if it is really really worrying you.

Thank you for your advice and experience, it is so useful. I am going to approach with caution. We are staying with extended family over Xmas for a few days and they have a cat, so it will be a good opportunity to see what happens. I may well tell them to purposefully not hoover up any cat hair before we visit so I can really tell if it exacerbates the cough. I hope it doesn't but we'll have to see!

Just googled 'hypo-allergenic dogs', never realised there was such a thing! Think i've opened Pandora's Box now oh dear!

Hmmm, thank you for the thoughts. I think the doctor I saw said a persistent cough in children could be for many reasons including allergies or asthma, so I may well seek an allergy test out. I can't remember why he said it was harder to diagnose at a younger age - something to do with them needing to be old enough to puff into the spirometer (?) or something? The doctor at our previous surgery (we've recently changed) said he thought that asthma is over-diagnosed in children. I don't know why but with both doctors there seemed a reluctance to concretely diagnose asthma. I am pretty sure it is though as it comes and goes, is worse at night and also is bad when he gets upset (I had read that emotional distress can exacerbate asthma). Yes I do know a few people with terrible pet hair allergies, to the point they literally start streaming as soon as they enter a house with pets, so that is something I definitely don't want to happen if we got a pet. Thank you for the hairless cat suggestion @Mands but they give me the heebie jeebies!

Anyone have any experience or advice? Would be much appreciated! My son is newly 5, over the summer he has had a persistent cough, which usually peaks during the night time or when he is very upset. The doctor has said it could well be asthma but cannot assess properly as he is too young. He has been prescribed an inhaler and a spacer, which does seem to help (not immediately but within 10 mins lets say). He has never been in a situation where I have been concerned that he cannot breath. Neither my husband or myself or our daughter have asthma. Previous to this we have been promising our kids that they can have a cat when we move into our own home (we have been renting but will be moving into our own home within the next month or two). Both kids are really excited about the prospect of a cat (and secretly so am I!). However, I am now hesitant due to this situation with my son?s possible asthma. I?m just wondering if anyone who has kids with asthma has had pets too, and if so, have they exacerbated the condition? I don?t want to make things worse for my son and then have to re-home the cat! I'm happy to watch and wait but the seed has been planted in my children's minds so need to let them know whether a cat is a possibility in the near future (or not!)

Hi Emily, it sounds like you have a lot going on. I think during periods like this when things are really hard and there are lots of changes, you should chuck out the 'rule book' when it comes to sleep and routines, and instead do whatever you need to do to get you through the day and night with your sanity in tact. I have a nearly 5 year old and a 2.5 year old and it is only the past 6 months that our sleep has been regular and I've managed to get a 7 hour stretch at night. My youngest in particular was an awful sleeper and in the end I just co-slept - it made life easier for all of us. Is there any chance you could just have your kids in with you (littlest one in your bed, big one on mattress on floor) until everything settles? Your husband could sleep in the kids room so he can get some kip? It might be that it helps everyone to get a good nights sleep?? (if it would make things harder for you then ignore that suggestion!) For us, co-sleeping didn't last for ever. My kids now happily share a bedroom together without me, so it is a habit that is breakable when the time is right for all of you. Also don't give yourself a hard time. It may appear that everyone else is totally on top of 'parenting' but I don't think that is true at all - I think a lot of parents would confess to going through challenging periods like this and having self-doubt. It doesn't sound like you are bad at parenting. It sounds like you are a normal, loving mother who is just having a very tricky time of it at the moment. x

Thank you so much for all of these excellent suggestions. I've found a good deal - 50 Ladybird books on the Book People website - all for ?35. I'm going to put one each in a party bag along with some sweeties - should suffice. Means each bag will be under a quid! Thanks for the suggestions too for home made stuff - would love to have a stab next year, perhaps with a smaller number (am going to invite the whole class based on positive reasons given above)

My son turns 5 at the end of the month. As he is about to start school, I'm going to invite his new class mates. Plus about 10 friends from his pre-school years, will mean a party of about 40 children (eeek!) I've got a party entertainer booked, but wondering if anyone has any tips for CHEAP party bags or ALTERNATIVES to party bags (i.e. cheap gift to give each child at the end). I'd normally spend a fiver on each child at his previous (much smaller) parties but as there are 40 children potentially, this will come to an awful lot of money. So hoping to keep each party bag/end of party gift to under ?2 each. Any ideas appreciated! Actually - on another note - is it stupid to invite the whole class? It seems like an awful lot of children and originally I thought it would be a good idea, but for those who've been through the first year at school, what is the party etiquette? Do you generally invite the whole class to a 5 year old party? My son will only be 3 weeks into school...!!

Thanks both. Defo going to buy that book. Amusingly big brother frequently says how much he loves his sister and they are kind of best friends (bar the 50% waking hours that they are fighting!). They don't really fight in other people's company. Distraction is clearly key. I do think its mainly a boredom thing with my son and am very much looking forward to seeing if school makes a difference!

haha - yes, am familiar with the effect cabin fever can have on likelihood of arguments arising! Good luck!

Yes it is confirmed. It's going to be on the sports ground on Turney Road. My daughter's key worker is going to be managing the new nursery and she is excellent, so I'm sure it'll be just as good as the other Nellys.

Thank you, it is good to know am not alone in this. I had anaemia about 18 months ago and never got retested so I'll probably head back to the GP to get that checked and ask for hair advice too. I'll update if s/he imparts any useful info.

Thanks for the advice and sympathy its good to hear am not alone in the sibling wars! I do think I am the 'shouty' parent and to be honest i'm sick of the sound of my own voice now - I think I need to find better ways to try and end the conflicts, like distraction, as you said snowboarder. That book looks really useful thank you newtoedf and reward charts too. My son is off to school in a few weeks so am hoping that major milestone will distract him from winding up his sister and perhaps even make him appreciate her more (I can dream!)

Another one from me!! Just wondering if anyone post-children has any experience of changes to hair in a bad way (in my case it is hair thinning actual loss around the hair line). I feel its too vain for a trip to the doctors (though I am thinking about it), but I do feel it is quite marked?I frequently wear my hair in a ponytail and have the last 6 months started to be quite shocked at the thinning patches I can see in any photos. If this has happened to you have you found any supplements have helped or dietary changes? Any experiences appreciated.

Hoping someone has some words of wisdom or experience of dealing with pretty severe sibling fighting in under 5s? I?m running out of solutions! I have one son, 5 in September, easily bored, quite highly strung (immediate tears/whining if he even suspects he is not going to get something he wants). His sister is 2.5 years old, very laid back, very easy, not tantrummy, just wants to play with older brother but prone to over-reaction if brother even says something she doesn?t like. The main problem is that my son makes it his main mission each day to tease and cajole his sister and I am at my wits end. It can be something as minor as calling her a boy (on purpose) over and over again, or taking her teddy away and dangling it too high from her so she can?t get it back, to actual physical teasing (pushing, punching, scratching.) A lot of the fighting goes on where I can?t see it, but I can hear it (e.g. if I?m in the kitchen, I can hear screaming and fighting from living room where they may be playing). Most of the time my immediate reaction is to reprimand my son as I know that he goads my daughter and he is the older one, but I also know she can be stubborn and not share. They both go to nursery together (2 days a week) and are in the same room when there. Nursery say that my son is very protective and mainly looks after his sister. It is home that is the issue. It sounds ridiculous and quite a minor problem but it is making me hate my days off work with the kids and I actually feel at the moment it is ruining our family life. My main reactions to the fighting are shouting (not ideal), putting my son on the bottom of the stairs or in his room when I know he is in the wrong or taking a toy away. None of this seems to work or have any effect. I would say at least 50% of the day involves them fighting. Anyone have any experience of this or solutions that actually work? Or is this just the way it is? (i'm posting here mainly because my friends with two siblings under 5 don't seem to have this issue though mainly they are same sex siblings so perhaps it is a boy/girl thing?)

Hi Jenny, I have a nearly 5 year old son and a 2.5 year old daughter. My son has been especially hard to handle since my youngest turned 6 months old (so my son would have been about 3 years old). I remember it specifically because when pregnant with my second a lot of people told me to expect my son to be a bit jealous and act up when she was born. This didn?t happen at first, but it did eventually when she was over half a year old and slept less during the day and generally started merging from a new born to a little person i.e. a rival! I do think there is a lot to be said for the older sister reacting to the arrival of a younger sibling ? the whole focus of a household?s attention shifts from being just on the one child to two. My son is still very difficult to this day and takes great joy in winding up his sister ? I would say he spends about 90% of his day doing this (he is off to school in September so am hoping that will make being at home less intense). I like you find it really hard to ?be the adult? when my son acts but I do just find it so frustrating, like there is no solution, and when I shout it is often out of exasperation more than anything. There have been times when I have run out of consequences for bad behaviour and I realise that is because he doesn?t take the ones I set particularly seriously because I rarely see them through e.g. sometimes I might say ?if you do that again you won?t go to X?s party?, then of course I give in because I am too tired. So I would say its important to be taken seriously when setting consequences, make sure you stick to them. A couple of things have helped: - Spending time away from the younger sibling. My son can be really lovely when I have 1:1 time with him and last year we started up ?Mummy Day? where one day a month just me and him would go on a day trip together (e.g. Tower of London) - Working ? I work more than half the week and that is a god send to me from the point of view of becoming a nicer mum when I get home, having been away for the day and desperately looking forward to seeing my kids at 5.30. I do think you need to cut yourself some slack, like someone else said. The fact that you are even worrying about this shows how much you care. When things are at their hardest I also try to remind myself that all stages pass eventually (I HOPE!!)