sillywoman

I think there's still a shedload of teenagers here if sillygirls social life, & the oversubscribed state secondary schools, are anything to go by. It's likely that they just don't really hang out in the same places/ timezone as people with younger kids do so maybe that's why you don't see them so much? My lot have had one or two friends move out, usually around year 2-4 in primary (to give them a chance to settle & find friends in new primaries before the big school shift to secondary), but I'd wager a good 90-95% of their friends from nursery/infants are still here.

Oh bugger, just clicked on the abba link, and dripped tears from the opening bars - right into my baked beans too! Sillygirl is nearly 15 and I can hardly bear it. Sniff, sniff. Have sent her the link to gwod's first post saying 'from me to you'. I used to sing her Mamas & Papa's 'dream a little dream' when she was tiny so that's sort of 'our song'. My friends boy had a very tough few years during his early teens and this song always used to remind me of how strongly she felt about him and also a bit how I feel about my own monosyllabic teenage sillyboy. Is it right that 'Angel' was the song Annie Lennox wrote to her second daughter after her first was stillborn?

I'm happy to order say 50 or 100 cheap badges to start with, just to get the ball rolling. We can continue the debate on the merits of badges & ribbons and change to ribbons if that's the way it falls. I can get them in orange if that works or just get a bag of mixed colours. What do you/we want on them; "Do you like biscuits". "I like biscuits", or something else entirely? Once I've got them if you just PM me I can drop/post it to you or arrange collection, or maybe have some available at places like bumps&babes if the hosts are willing? Does this sound like a plan?

I don't think anyone's suggesting ignoring anyone who isn't wearing a badge, that way madness lies. Rather that if you see someone wearing a badge you know they will be happy to be approached for a chat. I don't really see it's full circle and it's certainly not cliquey - just trying to make it easier for Mums to find a friend in the scary world of 'other Mums'. SUrely better than doing nothing in case some non-specific future person might feel left out?

am still liking "do you like biscuits?". How about this place? http://www.promobadges.co.uk/our-prices-for-custom-badges.html. SW P.S. if anyone could ever spare time to show me how to hyperlink on my mac I can pay in biscuits & gratitude!

Ooh, do like the "do you like biscuits" badge idea. Where can we get some made?

Is there still a Monday morning drop-in playgroup in the church behind ED Library (Lordship Lane)? That used to be a lovely one. SW

Oh you lovely, lovely women. I just want to gather you all into a big warm room and feed you chocolate cake & tell you how fab you are and how it will all be worth it because you're all doing such a great job. Self esteem is a complete bummer if you've had kids and you're doing a good job with them. Partly because what constitutes a 'good job' of being a Mum actually mostly requires quite a lot of self denial along with the sheer drudgery that we all know and recognise (how many times a day do you wipe something?), plus the juggling and 'never feeling able to do anything properly' that Molly mentioned. Not qualities which are recognised and/or valued by our wider society at all. Hence Motherhood is something of a sub-culture in our society as a whole. How many of us had any idea there was this whole busy vibrant life of baby/toddler groups, parks, cafe's & soft play area's out there when we were working girls. It all happens in working hours and is done & dusted & packed away by the time the 'workers' (hmm - like we're not?) get off the train in the evening. The parenting world that is sold to us as young women growing up is that of the glossy magazine or TV ad; beautiful clean children or kids are only ever messy in a cute, someone else will clean it up, way, who always sleep through the night; a a handsome husband who is never tired/ grumpy/ distracted; friendly, unchallenging grandparents who will be on hand to take your children so you can "invest in your marriage"*, and never any money/ health/ education worries. Real life Mothering - nothing like we imagined or were told about, well maybe in occasional flashes is so much more disheartening and tiring. I think most women with small children have experienced the loneliness and loss of self that sets in soon after the birth of baby number 1, and as you say Molly we are all looking at each other thinking everyone else is so together and wondering why we're not. Maybe we should have an ED codeword so that if you're at a toddler group and feeling nervous and alone (Gussy, my heart broke for you when I read your post) you can say something innocuous like "do you like biscuits" or something and any Mum reading this forum will recognise it as code for, " help, talk to me before I go bonkers". It does get better, you are doing a brilliant job of it & you will 'come back', but be warned it will be a different, stronger and wiser you. Motherhood is hard work but it sure trains you to cut through the crap. YOu lovely women are fab - maybe we should have badges so we can recognise each other in the street & give a nod, or smile of support/ sistehood. Yay the EDMummies. *A post from littelEDfamily (I think?) on the Grandparents thread.

I happen to know that Goodrich' is a local primary school & 'Arethusa' is an outward bound centre that caters to school trips. I know this because I've got school age kids who've been there. However there's no way you should be assuming everyone knows this. This is a massive forum for all people in or interested in ED. Surely your post is relevant to only a max of 90-120 people (those with kids in yr3 at Goodrich). Whilst that in itself isn't a problem (many more esoteric posts are on here)it's poor form to start your post with " As we all are aware" when clearly the vast majority of your readers won't have a clue what you're talking about - it put's people's backs up even before they get to the main point of your post. So, your main point is - I think - that you don't feel Goodrich has given you enough time to pay for your trip? As others have said, go to the school office & complain/ ask for some leeway. At my kids school the Arethusa trip is in year 5. All parents are aware, from general playground chit-chat, from about the middle of year 3 that it will be happening so those for whom money is an issue can, if they're inclined, save in advance. Did you not know that your school had a trip before now?

Another vote for DMC, or Forest Hill Rd.

Congratulations. You're certainly in the right place for having a baby as a walk down Lordship Lane any day of the week will testify! The NHS classes can be great. If you're booked with Kings they run them at ED hospital, I think that you get 3 x 2 hour (or is it 3 hour?) sessions and the Midwives that run them (who are lovely) try and cover straightforward labour and birth in the first one, 'what if things don't go to plan' in the second & babycare in the third - however it's been a couple of years since I did them so things may have changed. If they have I'm sure someone will come along soon & correct me. You can book onto the NHS classes through your midwife, but as the midwives who run them also do the admin you may not hear back from them until you're about 28-30 weeks. I think you do the classes at about 34 weeks, but again I'm not certain & my memory is a bit hazy on this. Some sort of class is definitely worth doing, but then I would say that cos I'm the local NCT teacher:))! But I'm under no illusion that my classes can be pricey and not everyone can manage the extra cost, especially in these straightened times. I would add that there are reductions available so if you're considering NCT but the cost seems too steep it's always worth asking. You can PM me if you want to know anything more specific. The other classes that seem to be both popular & effective are pregnancy Yoga, which you can do from now, & hypnobirthing - again probably something to do a bit nearer the third trimester. I can't recommend specific practitioners for either but I'm sure someone'll be along soon who can. There seems to be quite a bit of choice round here. Once again, Congratulations on your lovely news. Oh - and try and book in with The Lanes midwives, (Dulwich Medical Centre), The Oakwood midwives(Forest Hill Rd Practice), or The Brierly midwives (East Dulwich Hosp - your midwife can refer you) as they offer the best of the NHS maternity care system in the way of care during labour & birth. It may not make much difference antenatally, but it may make a lot as your due date approaches. SW.

Tying the tree to the wall is definitely the way to go - another sucker for Christmas here - never ever considered not having one, it's part of the magic for kids.

Thank goodness for your IM Fuschia!

here you are MAK, hopefully a list of SE LOndon doula's is attached?

Thanks for the sympathy GinaG3. Mum is old school & actually a bit crap. Was warning me of the perils of breastfeeding - the words 'rod' & 'back' were mentioned - when sillygirl was 36 hours old. Hmmm :-S Not a case of 'mother knows best' I think! Sorry Molly, didn't see your post that said you'd finished. It's bittersweet when it happens though isn't it?

Fuschia, I don't mean to scaremonger but like Buggie said I really would take her back to Paeds ED to be checked over, make sure they check for rare & unusual things too such as pneumonia & rheumatic fever/ inflammation. I'm not a big worrier at all (contrary to what this post would suggest) & it is my proud boast to have only visited ED once in 15 years with any of my 4, but with the symptoms you record, over the period of time you say, I would be getting that babe checked out. I'd probably go to my GP, but he's great & I trust him, You don't so I'd say straight to the ED with you. Poor, poor you. You'll be glad to see the back of 2010 I'd think?

Ok, I know this is a silly question and I'm going to sound like an absolute babe-in-the-woods, but go gently on me. I have always wondered; should I cover my pin with my hand in shops when using the pin machine? It seems a little excessive, but is it generally good practice - or too extreme?

Fuschia, stay strong Lovely. You know as well as I do that negotiation is possible within the NHS system, it may be that if you can reassure the Obs that you are a sane intelligent woman in full possession of knowledge of the risk factors which would necessitate immediate hospitalisation, and that you would be willing & able to come to hospital the minute any of those risks presented themselves they might be willing to compromise on the 'hospitalisation until birth' protocol. I don't have the full info, so I might be talking out of my bottom here, but if there's no immediate risk and you are willing to take responsibility for going against their advice, then they might be willing to compromise if that's what you feel would be best for you & your family. In any of these scenarios it helps to keep in mind that the advice you're being given is based on medically what is best for you & your unborn baby. As a mother your decisions will need to take other factors into consideration - most crucially the wellbeing of your current children & your partner, balanced with that of your own & the new baby. Also, as you touch on, the longer tern implications on the family unit of the course of action they recommend. Obs can be a bit like computers on these issues. They can tell you what's best for you & baby from a medical perspective but cannot see the holistic whole that is you & that is part of your decision making process. Sometimes it can be hard to make the Obstetricians understand that your perspective is different. It does sound to me as though you need a 'hero', someone to champion for you a bit. Which midwives did you go with in the end - this is the kind of scenario where a Lanes Midwife really comes into her own? Did you stick with them? Sorry, I can't remember. If not can I suggest you contact either Jill Demilew, or - and possibly more helpful to you - Cathy Walton at Kings. You might find that someone with some maternity-medical authority but also the common sense born of life experience will be helpful at negotiating compromise on your behalf. I think if it were me & my baby had returned to transverse or unstable lie again at 38 weeks, then I would be asking for an elective CS if they were adamant that I needed to be hospitalised from that point. You'd have a pretty good case for it taking your family commitments into account, and if they're saying that after hospitalisation that would be the outcome anyway then what point in waiting? Get someone with clout onside & know that all these things will influence your decision, but that you alone will be the one making the decisions that are right for you and all your babes. Good luck.

HI Molly, I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I'm repeating advice already given. I can only yell you what worked for me with my breast milk addict. As he approached his 2nd birthday (& after a year of lying to my Mum about his continued feeding cos she made it clear it was disgusting - but that's another thread entirely!) we, like you, were down to a couple of feeds - morning & evening. Then I began to insist that when he wanted those feeds we went to the same place to do it. For us it was his bed in his room, but anywhere away from the rest of the house - and therefor anything interesting that might be happening - will do. After a week he dropped the morning one, by two weeks the evening one. I did feel a bit sad as he's definitely my last so there was an 'end of an era' feel to it. But it was definitely the right time for us. HTH a bit. SW

Thanks guys, have passed on details to Mum in need! Computer filing systems eh?!

I thought I had a few numbers for these lovely women stored away somewhere. Rather typically I've filed them so successfully that I can no longer find them. I know that some of you have used a Lactation Consultant, if you would recommend her would you please post, or PM me her name & contact details so that I can pass them on? Thanks, SW

berryberry Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- >I'm surprised you still have the cats, > most people lose the cat before having the baby > because cat allergies are very common. Complete rot - of course they don't. Well a few might, but most don't. That's just plain daft. However . . . I'm in agreement that sadly for you, your lovely cats should go. I'm a cat lover myself & can empathise with the heartache this will cause, but as others have rightly pointed out, the baby must come first & the cats must be re-homed.

:)) I think Mellors & ???? might have been 'lightening the tone' after reneet's rather serious post Marie81. ;-)

Have never used shampoo on any of mine so hairwashing never been a problem, they just lie down in the bath & swish their hair round a bit, job done. I've posted about this before so won't bore on, but just to say, maybe don't use shampoo any more - kids don't need it, just some clever marketing ploy over the years to put money in the pockets of big companies has made us all think that they do. Why create more stress in family life - it's stressful enough already? Give it a go. P.S. My kids hair looks and smells just like everyone else's. You'd never know.

Nope, don't geddit. I'm with you Moos on this one. You are not your child, your child is not you. It is your facebook page, for your friends and associates not your child's. Child/cat cat/child, joking aside it all amounts to the same thing - putting a picture of something cute that-is-not-you-but-says-something-about-you as your profile. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong IMO. Still, as Moos points out, plenty of folk do it. So maybe it's just me being a grumpy pedant? We're all judged by our actions aren't we?