sillywoman

I wonder which year your child/ children are in tivat? I only ask because we certainly found that the change from primary to secondary was marked for us by (amongst other things) less contact with the school for us as parents. So by the middle of year 7 I was feeling a little as you do now. At secondary level the school tends to rely more on the children to communicate with us about school issues. This is good and bad i.e. the children quickly learn that they need to up their game or they miss out on stuff because their parents didn't know about it, but yes - sometimes stuff falls through the net. I have found that I also take more responsibility for finding out what's going on in the school by regularly checking their website and keeping my ear to the ground. Certainly in primary I was much more dependent on the regular letters home in the bookbag for communication, the lack of these combined with no-longer actually being present in the playground (it's probably not even called that at secondary school) meant that I/we had to get used to a different way of operating with regard to school communications. From asking around though I think that this is common at Secondary level.

Bawdy-nan, can I just say a massive 'Thankyou' for taking the time to post such detailed reflections on your gleanings from both the meeting & proff google? I have been staying clear of the issue despite having a child at DHJS and hoping for a place for another in September. Part of the reason for my awful 'ostrich' approach to this issue is a feeling of hopelessness, i.e - whatever I think it won't alter the outcome of any decision making process, and the rest of it is - I confess - just an unwillingness to expend the energy necessary to gain a full picture of the issue from which I can settle on a view. Your post has clarified some of the many issues surrounding DHJS's conversion and given me much food for thought. I'll be talking this over with sensibleman tonight - I think it's time we took a view and became involved in this. Thankyou again for spending the time to post about the meeting and the issues facing DHJS on here - you've certainly made a difference to my perspective.

All the children I know of in Beauval Rd have been to, or currently attend DVI & DVJS. HTH.

very well put Belle & lEDF, may I suggest that new mother and Forgetful consider starting a 'reasons why you should never consider VBAC or homebirth' thread so that those who want to scare themselves witless with other people's anecdotal horror stories can do so in the appropriate place. "It is crazy to consider increasing the risks associated with giving birth" - I agree wholeheartedly with this comment (was it NM or Forgetful?) and that's why I strongly support well, healthy women with straightforward pregnancies and no adverse indications to consider homebirth. The statistics speak for themselves. VBAC is slightly different. I'm inclined to agree with NM that if your last birth was CS & you're wanting to try for a VBAC then a hospital consultant led unit is the safest place to do it. If however you've already had a successful VBAC and are hoping for another then with the right support you might be able to consider a midwife led unit or even doing it at home. It completely depends on your individual circumstances. Finally, "Birth is not coughing and having a newborn next to you for most women" - Why on earth would you say this new mother - do you really think that anyone, anyone at all is stupid enough to think this? What an insult to the intelligence of the people reading this. That comment along with your ill informed & alarmist reflections really did make my blood boil.

Emily, You clearly had a very bad experience with the midwives at Kings, and I for one am sorry that you've been left with such a strong antipathy and bitterness toward them. However many, many new parents pass through their doors each year. Many of them will be reading this forum, they will be putting the lives of themselves, their loved ones and their babies in the hands of these professionals now or soon, and as many are first time Mums and Dads I think perhaps you might take a moment to reflect on exactly how constructive your comments re the Kings midwives are to those in your wider community. I think you've made it clear that because of your experience you now hate all Midwives with a fervor. As Moos post shows, many other people have had the opposite experience to you and feel just as strongly that most Kings midwives are caring, compassionate, intelligent & professional. As an aside, in my job I hear many, many birth stories each year - over the last 700 or more I don't recall anyone having quite the antipathy toward the Kings Midwives that you seem to have. In fact in general most couples speak extremely highly of the care they received on the labour ward. So please, if anyone out there is about to have a baby at Kings, rest assured that Emily's experience of care there - whatever it was - is the exception rather than the norm.

Doh, (hits forhead with palm of hand) Ebay - of course!

Avon lady, Virgin Vie lady (do they still do that?).

Just bumping this cos it looks like it could be very beneficial for a family with daughters the right age. Am sure someone out there will be interested.

Love that title - I might adopt it as my catch phrase. Do you think I could use it effectively on Sensibleman? Hmm, might try . . .

You know, with the 'S' shaped catch at the front? Does anyone know anywhere, real shop or online?

NCT teacher? Breastfeeding counsellor? Postnatal leader?

Have taken your advice (well, some of it - not the straw up the bum bit. Euwww) and released him back into a dark corner of the garden, well away from cats and foxes - for now. Wish I'd thought of Marsden Rd though, it would've been perfect. Next time.

I would reconsider on the two way phone - nothing worse than just getting baby to sleep only have him/her woken by a phone ringing in their room - Aaaarrgh. Also, have you considered really heavy curtains - some like to get blackout blinds even? Bin for manky nappies? Storage for clean nappies/wipes/muslins/ cream near (within hands reach) changing table? Storage for toys.

Thanks Chener B, this is fascinating - I love this stuff.

Nah, been conned by that story before ;-)

. . or possibly a frog. Just found it in our far-from-water garden being harried by our cat and making very cross squeaky sounds. Have no idea how it got here. Does anyone in Glengarry Rd, Tarbert or Trossachs Rd have a pond - if so are you missing a toad or frog? Failing that, should I just take him to the lake at Dulwich Park & let him go?

If you're applying to secondary schools local to ED it might be worth waiting for her to make some friends at her new school & find out what they do at weekends/ evenings. BTW - you never did say - what sort of extra curricular things is she interested in - e.g. sport, music, drama, art? There's quite a lot of stuff happening round here. Can you narrow it down a bit?

Either way, I believe the issue to be much more complex than your solution would appear to suggest Keef. It's very easy to spout 'informed choice' stuff, and whilst - yes - it is important I think that it's just the tip of a very big iceberg regarding decision making in labour.

by 'local' I meant does she live here/ have a life here. Having a 15year old daughter myself I just couldn't picture someone that age living here without managing to have local friends and contacts around to inform them of what goes on. But, you say you send your daughter to school out of the area so her social life is not in ED, and as you've only been here 3 years I would guess she doesn't have friends from primary school here either, so now your post makes a bit more sense. Am very impressed that she has a 'careers advisor' at 15 though. Wow.

Yes, I agree. I might not like or agree with all that James says, but there's no doubt that he makes much effort to get involved in local issues via the forum. Well done James.

Keef Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > my opinion is that every woman should be > given the available options, and make an informed > decision on what she wants, I'm paraphrasing your above post Keef.

Ok, finally caught up on OBEM last night so feel equipped to enter the debate. So, it appeared to me from the snippets shown that poor old want-an-epidural lady wasn't in established labour with regular contractions at the point where she was initially asking for it - hence the initial refusal. She was clearly given pethidine though to help her cope, so she wasn't left to labour cold. One of the known side effects for women who are fearful of labour and stressed (both of which she appeared to be) is to speed up the process of dilation. Pethidine, as a narcotic, sedates the woman which allows her body to physically relax allowing her body to get on with the job of dilating the cervix. At 10cms dilated an epidural will be of no benefit to a woman whatsoever as she is entering a different stage of labour, in fact it will usually be detrimental at this point that's why women who are fully dilated or are rapidly approaching it are 'refused' epidurals (possibly what happened to all your friends New Mother), and that was certainly the case here. However, I do agree that curly haired MW could have been more compassionate, our lady was scared and frightened and said so several times. Not once did that midwife reassure her either with words or with touch - I thought she was crap actually. How much would it have cost her to hold the lady's hand and say "don't be frightened, there's no need. You are well and strong, your baby is well and strong and we are here to help you through this"? Why didn't she offer to put a mat on the floor, encourage her off the bed, get a ball out for her to use, show her some other positions that might be more comfortable, show her how to use her breathing to help her through a contraction? And, whilst I recognise that midwives need a break of course, I admit to being shocked at the sight of her having a chat & a cup of tea whilst leaving her scared and frightened woman to labour alone with her (probably equally scared and frightened) partner - she was so unwilling to help her that she was reluctant to leave the table to attend to the call when the buzzer went off, the image of her slow amble down the corridor is seared in my mind - that's not what I would expect from someone caring for me at such a vulnerable time of my life. Crap. Like others I thought the 2nd - older - midwife was much, much better. The rights and wrongs of interventions such as pethidine and epidurals have been done so many times. Essentially I think Buggie, Ann & BB have the right of it. labour is individual to each woman and so each needs to be judged by it's own circumstances and patterns. there are definitely times when epi's, pethidine or Caesars are the most appropriate way for a woman in labour to go, but person best placed to judge that is the good professional midwife in conjunction with the woman herself. A good midwife will be 'with woman' will have a sense of how the labour is feeling for the woman and whether it really is moving beyond what that woman can deal with or whether, with the right support, other things can be done to help her through the difficult first stage. I'm afraid I don't quite agree with Keef. To say 'let every woman have what she wants when she wants it' Is just too simplistic- women in labour are befuddled with pain of contractions and have a different consciousness, many just want anything that will stop it all. We don't necessarily have logical 'informed decision' making skills available to us at the point where we are begging for an epidural or Caesarean, or to be hit over the head with a hammer. Sometimes the professional caregiver does know best. It's interesting to note that as soon as the 'want-an-epidural' lady knew she was fully dilated and ready to start pushing her belief in her need for an epidural or caesarean went and she just got on with the job. Sometimes if you can just get a woman to the end of that first stage then she is better equipped to push that baby out more efficiently and with less risk of tearing. Consequently she has a better likelihood of a speedier recovery time and a more straightforward postbirth period. Consequently from that a better likelihood of being equipped for the rigors of breastfeeding a baby, coping with the complexity & demands of caring for a newborn, and less likelihood of postnatal depression and/or PTSD. Our 'want-an-epidural' Mum will probably have been able to go straight home from the labour ward. Because she didn't have an epidural she didn't have to have a catheter, she didn't have to have a drip, the baby didn't have to be born with forceps or a ventouse, Mum is less likely to have had stitches, and so less likely to have debilitating infections afterwards. They may have been able to choose for the cord to finish pulsating before it was cut leading to the baby having less risk of neonatal jaundice (though that depends on when she had pethidine). There are many, many considerations to having an epidural and you can be pretty sure that none of them were going through her mind at he point that she was asking for one, but many of them will have been going through the midwives mind. It's never about a 'badge of honor' it's always about what's best for the health of Mum and baby over the long term. Nothing is simple, every action and decision in labour is interlinked and has longer term consequences. In my opinion it's not right, or fair to women & babies to reduce the complexities of the issues surrounding pain relief in labour to 'give every woman whatever she wants, whenever she wants it'. It deserves more thought than that.

SB, I know you probably already know this but . . . . if it's not going down overnight you should mention this to your midwife, as occasionally this kind of severe swelling can be a pre-cursor to Pre-eclampsia. It can also be due to just being heavily pregnant though :). If you get any of the other symptoms of Pre-E (headache, blurred/ fragmented vision or flashing lights, blood in the urine or a pain in your chest) you should go straight to MAU to get yourself checked out. And as charlottep says. keep an eye on your BP, hopefully you're seeing your midwife each week now? Re the shoes - as you're 37 weeks so potentially have a couple more weeks to go might it be worth investing in some cheapish, comfy slip on shoes a size or so larger than usual just to get you through?

not little kids, big ones. I've got a 15yr old, a 13yr old & 10yr old who need to learn to cook some basic meals (and a 37-again year old who could do with some instruction too). I'm a rubbish cook & have neither confidence nor patience so it just won't work with them learning from me. Does anyone know of any classes/courses that might be local and appropriate. There seem to be lots of classes for teenies but none that are useful for the biggies who really do need to know.

Conversely I hated the sling (18month gap) because I couldn't bend down comfortably to my eldest, or hold her on my lap for a cuddle if the baby was sleeping. So I very quickly abandoned it. I do however agree with Pickle on the routine front and I also managed to get them both on the same nap schedule very quickly. This did mean my life outside the home was limited for about a year or so though. Our usual routine would be; playgroup in the morning (another big thumbs up to Pickles observations there), home about 11 for sleep, up and lunch, another longer sleep until 3pm ish then maybe out to friends or just playing/ hanging out in the house until tea bath & bed at about 5-7pm. Baby might have had another small nap about 4 or 5pm. Agree also with CandJ about the buggy situation. Please, please, please consider getting one that has hard rubber or pneumatic tyres or a sprung chassis. The very bad back that I have now can be traced in a direct line to the years of pushing two round ED in a McLaren with a buggy board (no Phil&Teds in those days). Finally cottoned on when I had number 3 and took my own advice - it was a great relief but the damage was done. Don't worry clare, all will be well and the bonus is that with babies that close it's a bit like having twins they'll entertain each other and be interested in similar things at a similar stage. And, when they get older, you won't have to agonise over how to chose holidays/days out that will keep different age groups happy :)).