Saffron

supergolden88 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Eventually he followed me to the next room and I > picked him up and talked to him about not hitting > etc. I do that every time he hits. But whole > incident took a good 20 mins. That's brilliant. Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job, you just need it all to go more quickly. How long did it take for him to come to you? If this is where you're losing time, try going to him sooner? Sometimes I go to Little Saff and give her a kiss/cuddle even when she's still upset. If she tries to act up or push me away, I just give her the cuddle very briefly and tell her that's it ok to be grumpy. Never make explanations more than a few words. You don't have time, and it'll be lost on your little one at this age any way. I do remember my daughter going through a phase around this age, where she just wouldn't sit with us for dinner sometimes. I've seen friends' children do this too. It possibly has to do with children learning about independence. If tantrums happen at meal times, is it always the same meal (always breakfast? always dinner?)? What can you change about the meal time to break the association between meal and tantrum? With Little Saff, I would give her leftovers from lunch etc for her dinner in the late, late afternoon. Then when Husband and I had dinner at 6ish, she would spend about 2 min in her high chair and eat just a couple mouthfuls. After that she spent the rest of the meal running around the room. Husband found this phase very irritating, but it got her fed and avoided tantrums. She's now happily eating big meals with us at the table again. Somewhat tangential, but could it also be teething? And finally, do you use any sign language with your son? Just adding a few key signs can be really helpful. Tantrums seeming out of the blue sound like a sign of frustration to me. Frustration can often be helped by linguistic development. If your LO is on the cusp of a big linguistic leap, sign language will help him make that leap with less frustration. Contrary to what is sometimes said, sign language does not slow linguistic development of speech in children. Rather, it gives them extra tools to help along the way. Equally I find that emphasising facial expressions can be good for communication. I add extra emphasis by saying, That makes mummy make the sad/happy/angry face. Huge sympathy. Hope it all gets less stressful soon. xx

gwod Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Completely agree with Chantelle, I have no idea > how they found a large enough group of parents > who could clearly say whether they had demand fed > or schedule fed. Surely schedule mums feed their > kids if they get hungry between feeds, and > equally, surely demand fed babies fall into a bit > of a routine. From the point of view of this piece of research, if a mother/carer fed Baby off-schedule, then this was not considered scheduled feeding, as I understand from this excerpt. The published study itself should list the criteria for inclusion in the various study groups. It should also tell you the derivation of the studied population.

Were they trying to sell a book? I thought these were just results from an academic group (the ISER at the U of Essex)? Does anyone have a link/copy of the original study. I would like to read it.

hellosailor Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- >> I've been wondering about putting her to bed > earlier, ...I have assumed that > putting her to bed earlier would result in earlier > morning waking time and an even longer period to > get through before the nap the following day, will > prob just have to grow a pair, and try it.. > > :) Yes, that's exactly what we found with Little Saff. But as you can see by the posts, this is not the case for everyone. It might be a matter of just trying a few different things before you find a combination that works. Also, if you have a long transition period, you may find that what you're doing now will need to be changed again in a few weeks/months.

hellosailor Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > thanks for your response Saffron, do you mean that > little Saff dropped the morning nap once and for > all at 16 months? Yes, after a lengthy transition period, she finally stopping having a morning nap altogether around 16 mo.

supergolden88 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I tried the saying NO then ignoring method once or > twice. He just sat on the floor far, far away from > me and cried. When he approached me it was to hit > me - so I said no again. He got your attention though, didn't he? ;-) He's clever as well as stubborn! > This took ages to > resolve. He is extremely stubborn. > What was your method to resolve it? Are problems more likely to occur when your attention is/isn't directly on him? At the nursery, how many other children and adults does he see? He potentially has a lot of outlets there for his desire for attention, plus a lot of other distractions for his attention. Just a thought.

Between about 11 and 16 months old, Little Saff went through an on/off phase with the morning nap. It didn't result in an earlier or longer afternoon nap. If your LO is not crying, then I agree with Nicola. We weren't that lucky with Little Saff. She was never happy to be left in the cot alone. Sometimes when she wouldn't nap, we did quiet cartoons instead. I also found that if we were out in the buggy, she was more likely to have the morning nap. This did not result in her needing the buggy for the afternoon nap. If you think how differently we all sleep as adults, it makes sense that babies will be different from each other too. I think it's all variations on normal.

Even before a tantrum starts, the best discipline might be not to give too much attention to it. It does sound like he wants your attention good or bad. Say NO firmly and consistently and at his eye-level, then immediately face him away from everyone and from his toys if you can. Definitely once the tantrum has started, I'm in the school of thought that says don't intervene. Fuschia's recent post on this link was interesting... http://m.npr.org/story/143062378?url=/blogs/health/2011/12/05/143062378/whats-behind-a-temper-tantrum-scientists-deconstruct-the-screams From the link: I sympathise with you. My daughter is 2+ years old. It often seems like the word 'no' means absolutely nothing to her. Sometimes it helps to say explicitely what the behaviour is that you want to see in place of the undesirable behaviour. I tell my daughter NO when she bops the cat. Then I tell her how to stroke her gently instead. I asked my mother when it was that she thought children start to understant the word 'no'? Her reply: "Dunno, how old are you?" Oh dear.

Wow, how truly amazing!

Yes, some women are super fertile. I have also known someone who became pregnant on a copper IUD, so you'd probably want to double-up on your birth control methods if you suspect this would be the case. Was it a copper IUD or a Mirena (contains copper + hormones) on which you became pregnant? I was told that there have be no documented pregnacies on the Mirena coil, but I'm not sure if this is still correct. It was some time ago. I can't personally have the Mirena b/c I can't have the hormones. I'm banking on not being the 0.001%. Husband probably secretly wishes we are the 0.001%!

I've got the evidence, but I'm not posting it for legal reasons.

A sling could be really useful. http://www.sakurabloom.com/pages/silk-collections/ I thought these silk ringslings were gorgeous. I'm only sorry that I didn't have a wedding etc to go to when Little Saff was tiny, so I could have had an excuse to buy one of these! (Settled for just plain cotton sling.) I think a silk sling would look stunning over a black dress with matching accessories. When your LO outgrows the sling, you could always have it made into a beautiful wrap. xx

sillywoman Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > I think another book needs to be written - the EDF > book of babies maybe?! I've often thought that would be a great idea. I'd love to help put the collective wisdom of the EDF into book format. RE schedules vs routines: I think a schedule and a routine are very differnt beasts indeed. Many people like the E.A.S.Y. routine, which doesn't have to be to any schedule at all.

So sorry to hear you and others have been though this. Please let us know what happens with the CCTV. The area between ED and Crofton Park including Honor Oak seems particularly prone to this sort of attack. Would be interesting to see a police "decoy" opperation in this area.

Ruth_Baldock Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > You still have to wait 6w + for The Sexy Time with > c/s, as well as VB. > > Personally, my scar still hurts like mad so The > Sexy Time has happened twice, both times followed > by a pregnancy scare. Am now celibate. TMI? Ah > well. I had a copper IUD fitted at 6 wks postpartum, by my local GP. I wasn't taking any chances! Contrary to what some GPs will tell you, most women can have an IUD fitted, even if they have other gynae issues (Although I obviously don't know what your personal case is, Ruth). It may just be that the IUD needs to be fitted by a specialist if the woman has other gynae issues. I mention this b/c I have been given some contradictory advice by well-meaning GPs in the past. My first IUD, before ever have been pregnant, was fitted by a very nice specialist at the Royal Free Hospital in Hampstead. The team there was very knowledgable, as I imagine are our local hospitals/specialists. If you want to have excellent contraception without hormones, a plain copper IUD might be for you. A copper IUD will not interfere with breastfeeding hormones but might give you slightly heavier periods.

Sticking to the research findings presented, rather than debating, the next thing I'd like to know is how can mothers/carers who do not want to schedule feed be better supported in cue-feeding. In other words, what support or changes could be offerd to these families, so that children could have the benefit of demand-feeding w/o exhausting their mothers?

Better diagnosis of true cases? Misdiagnosis of some cases? Although there is evidence supporting altered brain function, the ultimate cause of ADD or ADHD is not known and is likely to be multifactorial, eg genes + environment. There are also some hypotheses that ADD/ADHD is not a disorder, but rather that it is simply a different brain type (again, sorry, simplifying for brevity), which would have conferred a evolutionary advantage in some societies. A very crude analogy would be skin pigmentation. Very dark skinned people living near the equator have some natural protection from UV damamge. However, dark skinned people at higher latitudes would be more likely to suffer vitamin D deficiency because UV penetration of the skin is the main (non-dietary) source of vitamin D. But having darkly pigmented skin is certainly not a disorder of any sort. ADD/ADHA are also difficult to study b/c they are not a single disorder (using the term disorder lightly here as per the above statement). They appear to be a cluster of disorders with similar symptoms, or sub-clusters of disorders under a similar umbrella. Incidentally, this is true of many psychiatric disorders. It's also true that the type and number of psychiatric disorders can vary hughly amoung different societies. This doesn't necessarily mean that inclusion in certain societies causes disorders. It may mean that different societies identify and respond to disorders differently. For example, historically, it has been noted that compared to Western societies, the incidence of dissociative identity disorder (DID or "multiple personalities") in tribal societies is lower. In a small community, everyone is needed and valued. The community can't have too many people not working because it needs their input for the society to run. So a person afflicted with DID would not be excluded. He/she would be found a task, no matter how small, to which he/she could be made useful, eg very simple labour or domestic chores. This act of including the person, rather than excluding is hypothesised to help manage the symptoms of the disease so that it doesn't manifest at clinical levels. The disorder may exist, but it's just not seen as a problem. (It was some time ago that I heard this hypothesis discussed, so I don't know if new data has since changed this idea. Nevertheless, it's interesting.) I would hazzard a guess that the rate of tantrums varies differently among different societies or social groups too. Would love to know more about this!

dulwichgirl2 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Saffron, thanks. Basically "do something about > it"... Yup... although with the recognition that sometimes you can't change the situation itself, the one that's causing you guilt/stress/whatever. You can use the emotions for something productive and positive. Don't get stuck thinking that there is nothing you can do just because you can't change a particular circumstance. (Then when you think you've got it cracked, around comes something else to feel guilty about. Well that's been my experience anyway. Never a dull moment at least.)

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Mr f and I are currently having an (almost) child > free weekend away in a nice hotel having divvied > the children out ... Staying about a mile from > My sister who is having the baby during the day > while he stays with us at night > > Bliss > Just had a lovely swim, sauna and read the paper > for a whole hour! Brilliant!

Amphetamines and amphetamine-type compounds help children who truly have ADHD because in ADHD the areas of the brain that filter ambient distractions are underactive (yes, I'm oversimplifying it a bit for brevity, sorry). This underactivity interfers with concentration, reasoning, and behavioural control. Amphetamines and amphetamine-type compounds increase the activity in these underactive areas. Children who truly have ADHD and benefit from drug treatment do not also require sleep aids because the amount and type of amphetamine used should not interfere with sleep. This is well-known and documented in peer-reviewed journals. I agree that diagnosis needs to include ruling out other factors like poor sleep whatever the cause, as this can mask whether or not someone truly has the disorder in question.

In a nutshell: Feeling guilty, or any negative emotion, is energy-consuming (time-, thought-, power-consuming, whatever you want to call it). Identify what it is about which you feel guilty. Choose an aspect of that issue that you can address in practical terms. Now put the energy that you would have used feeling guilty and doing nothing, into something practical and positive. It's not meant to cure the situation which is causing the guilt, but by addressing an aspect that you can change, you may feel that you now have more control over the circumstance or that you can be more accepting of the things that you can't change. EG, if you feel guilty about spending time away from your child, pick one day each week when you do a special activity, something only you and your child do together. So, the time and the activity are particular to you and your child, ie not something your spouse or nanny does with the child. It doesn't change the fact that you work and can't spend all your time with your child, but it does create an outlet for the engery that feeling guitly is otherwise using. (Ok, this is just a general example. Applies to everyone a little differently. Hope you get the gist of what I'm explaining.) xx

From the link: Husband and I have a long-standing disagreement about this. I've always said to take the "do nothing" approach once the tantrum is unavoidalbe. Husband has always insisted that this is giving in to the child, and that I'm ruining/spoiling our daughter by doing this. Because my approach is to do nothing, and his is to intervene, I usually get overruled when we're together. No surprise then that Little Saff is now much more likely to have a tantrum if we're all together. Grrr.

Hi all! Looks like Sat 24th March is a good day to meet. How does everyone feel about the time? If I say 1-4:30pm, then people with toddlers can have plenty of time to plan around naps. I'll have some drinks and snacks for everyone. We'll be doing some arts and crafts, and maybe a video for the older children too? PM me for more details! xx

Reviewing in my head all the things I'd like for Mother's Day 2012... take a bubble bath alone, one night of uninterrupted sleep, read a newspaper by myself... when it occured to me that these are all things that don't involve a child. Indeed I wouldn't even care about these things if I didn't have a toddler (whom I do love to bits, but would like just a tiny break from now and then!). Oh the irony. Does anyone else secretly want a child-free day for Mother's Day this year?

Belle Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > That is interesting Fuschia...there was a story on > the bbc the other day about behaviour being > affected by breathing problems interrupting sleep > (e.g. adenoids/snoring), and the conclusion was > that that some children may be diagnosed with ADHD > or other behavioural 'disorders' when in fact > there is an underlying medical issue. That's true in adults as well. Doctors and psychologists have known this for years. Strange that it has taken so long for this to be widely accepted as true in children too.