Saffron

Leaving aside labels and semantics for a moment, women all undertake motherhood differently. Motherhood will change you, as any great life event does. But it doesn't have to consume you (unless you want it to do so). The fear of losing one's identity in motherhood is not an uncommon one. Long before Stadlen and other modern authors, Kate Chopin tackled this subject eloquently in her poignant short novel 'The Awakening'. Her protagonist character Edna expresses it succintly, '"I would give up the unessential; I would give my money, I would give my life for my children; but I wouldn't give myself. I can't make it more clear; it's only something which I am beginning to comprehend, which is revealing itself to me."' http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Awakening_(novel) http://chopin.thefreelibrary.com/Awakening-and-Selected-Short-Stories/1-16 Indeed for many women, the need to maintain a sense of self is quite strong, and the loss of that sense can result in long-term depression and in some cases a diminished ability to care for her children. Evolution did design us to care for babies, but it did not design us all to do so in the same style. The issue is not black and white, but like so many things in nature, it is a continuum with the capcity to sustain many shades inbetween, while the extremes of either end of the continuum can be counter-productive. No benefit is gained by telling someone where she will or won't land on that contiuum. The power to make that choice remains with the individual. -- And returning now to semantics... I aksed my husband what his definition of a 'yummy mummy' is, and would he be insulted if someone said I was/wasn't one? He said a 'yummy mummy' is a 'MILF', and then he waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and went back to watching football. So here we are ladies, hefting our metaphorical rocks up and down the hill, while it seems the blokes may have a completely different take on it altogether.

She is only sick when she has had food or milk in the toddler carseat. :( Getting her out of the carseat to burp makes her better. It was never a problem in the infant carseats. Not sure if a different seat would help now, but I like the idea of getting to trial them at Bluewater.

MOTHERSMEETINGS Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I think you should all check out this site > www.mothers-meeting.com THE WORLDS COOLEST > MUMS!!!! > We have taken alot of time and energy tracking > down cool mums for you!!! x x Well thank goodness for that... more time for drinking wine and visiting galleries now ;-)

Wow, sillywoman, I couldn't feel more differently to that! But, Josiehendrick, it just goes to show what a tremedous variety there is in mothers (and mothers-to-be). Of course no one can truly know the future for herself or others. One thing is for certain though, the more reasonable you make your goals, the more likely you are to acheive them. Allowing yourself to be defined by your child/ren doesn't necessarily mean losing yourself in the process (unless you decide you want that). It's just another part of your story. xx

Don't know this one, but ours is similar in design. Husband and I have had no end of trouble with carseats since moving Little Saff out of her newborn carseat. We're now on our 3rd carseat and have opted for a forward-facing seat which will convert to a child booster seat when she's tall enough. We thought we were doing the right thing getting a forward-facing convertable seat b/c she seemed to want to face forward and her legs are so long. I couldn't see how she'd be comfortable in a rear-facing seat. That being said, rear-facing seats are safer in high speed collisions, but there isn't a great selection of them in the UK. And while Little Saff was never sick in her old rear-facing seat, she's been sick at least 3 times in her forward-facing seat, and we only travel by car a few times a month! She doesn't seem to be able to bring up wind well in her carseat. She just ends up vomitting instead. I wonder if it was false economy to buy the toddler convertible seat? Perhaps a purpose built carseat would have been better? Maybe rear-facing would have been better? I don't know if any of that helps. Just wanted to share our experience. There are a few other threads on carseats. The one on rear-facing seats for older babies and toddlers was particularly thought-provoking.

That's the spirit! Pun intended ;-)

And also different names for different times. When we're having a laugh in the bath together, we call it 'mummie fanny' and 'baby fanny'. But when we're pointing and naming body parts, we call it a vulva. That's just as we might say 'footsies' when we play with eachother's feet, but I'd say 'foot' when naming the body part.

I like the word vulva too. It's correct, easy to say, and doesn't have any associations other than anatomical. Husband sometimes refers to Little Saff's vulva as her little daisy or baby fanny. I like the word yoni as well, though as the guardian article points out, it's not as widely known. More's the pity, it's a lovely and useful word.

redjam Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I couldn't go for the proper names though - I > heard a (possibly apocryphal) story from a friend > who was at a playground when a three-year-old fell > off a roundabout and shouted, in piercingly clear > tones, 'Mummy, my vulva hurts!' That just sounds > so odd... But why do you think that sounds odd? Is it just b/c that's not what you grew up with? If I heard that on the playground, I would think, Hurrah for that little girl who knows what her body parts are called!! :)

I was also thinking nuts and berries... fruits of the season. Mmm amaretto sour, forgot about that one! Frangelico... is that hazelnut? Do you mix it the same as amaretto?

jennyh Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > She does gag but then brings the food to the front > and either spits it out or has another gum. She > def chokes though too as she goes a shade of > reddy/purple, can't take a breath and gasps. This > is usually when she brings everything up or I > offer her water to swallow down the food. Let me hasten to reassure you that this is NOT CHOKING. Choking happens when the trachea (windpipe) becomes obstructed by a forgeign object such as food. During gagging and vomitting, the opening to the trachea is temporarily blocked by the natural mechanisms of the throat to *prevent* food from entering the trachea. It may look scary, and it may indeed be upsetting for your little one, but it is not a medical emergency. It is a fully natural response. > She > finds the vomiting in this way quite shocking and > upsetting :( > I imagine it's when something has hit the back of > her throat and she can't move it forward. It's > just very scary and whilst I'm not one to > completely dismiss stuff, I think I need to listen > to her, as everyone has wisely said! I'll stick > with the squishy and slimy things and leave the > carbs! Acutually, squishy slimy things may not *necessarily* be easier for your baby. Mushy semi-liquids/liquids from a spoon or straw require a sucking or slurping action that can lead to the liquid being partially inhaled into the windpipe. This causes a partial choke, leading to the mush/liquid being coughed out rather than gagged up. For a baby with a sensitive gag reflex, a partial choke can also cause vomitting. If these things happen frequently and are distressing for Baby, it suggests Baby is not really ready for solids. I would also echo about what others have said regarding nutrition. Under one year old, solids are just for fun... they're Baby's introduction to new and interesting tastes, smells, and textures. Milk (breast or formula) is Baby's source of nutrition. Even if Baby is swallowing lots of solids, there is no guarantee that Baby's intestine is able to utilize the nutrients in these solids until the gastrointestinal tract matures more fully between one and two years old. As parents, we like to see our babies eating solids. It can be hard to let go and let Baby lead. But please remember that by letting your baby lead, you're not 'opting out'. View the decision to let baby lead as an active choice on your part that will give your baby the best benefit of developing her own eating skills at her own pace for the long run. You might even consider just stopping solids temporarily, and perhaps revisit them in a week or two when Baby seems more interested. This won't do your baby any harm at all. Happy weaning. xx

Hot cider... sloe gin... I'm liking the sound of these! :)

The thing about Pimm's is that it's just so civilised. You can have your Pimm's on your picnic blanket while your child (or husband, etc) runs gleefully around the park, and no one looks at you like you're the alcoholic parent of a toddler run amuck (or partner of a husband run amuck), etc. But if you break out a bottle of vodka, eyebrows do tend to be raised. It's the same with mulled wine. If, on a frigid winter's day, you want to sit on the park bench, huddled over your thermal mug of mulled wine while your toddler pelts your husband and hapless passers-by with muddy snowballs, people brush the snow off with a shared smile. They can sympathize. And they wish they had your mulled wine... so all the better if you've brought some to share. What's the equivalent for autumn. Where's the friendly tipple that inspires sympathy for autumn without too much fuss? What can you offer neighbours who stop by to say hello and return your garden clippers at 3 o'clock in the afternoon? I agree whisky is a very sympathetic and civilised drink. But, as you say DJKQ, what if you don't like whisky?

Something with brandy maybe?

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Whisky Mac. Equal parts scotch whisky and green ginger wine? Or do you go with the 3:2 blend and add a splash of hot water?

With the last couple of days of blustery weather, I'm feeling like the days of cold Pimm's in the park are rapidly coming to an end, but I'm not yet ready to start on the mulled wine for winter. What's a good autumnal cocktail?

See 'The rules' thread by Admin at the top of the ED businesses, restaurants & trades section. Very helpful. It's also worth a look at the 'About this forum' page.

I've tried to PM everyone today. If there's anyone I've missed, please let me know! Looking forward to meeting up with everyone and sharing our experiences of life with our little ones. xx

Oops, earlier typo corrected. It is Thursday the 15th. xx

Every mother-baby dyad is different when feeding, so it stands to reason that every mother-baby dyad is different when weaning off the breast. 'Cold turkey' is ok for some babies it seems. Some babies naturally lose interest ealier than others. 'Don't offer, don't refuse' is a popular strategy too. Distraction is great, and works well if you combine it with other cues to replace the comfort of the breast. For Little Saff, I've been looking at all these strategies and applying them differently to feeds. Stopping can be difficult/complex for some people. Perhaps there's so little advice because of that very complexity? At nearly 20 months old, we've just stopped breastfeeding my daughter to sleep in the evening, and stopped breastfeeding at night. It hasn't been all-or-nothing though, and we've been gradually adding additional sleep cues and shortening the night feed so that it's just a short comfort suckle now. If we spend the night away from home, I'll still feed her to sleep if she needs it. In my mind, I'm seeing us using this method for her other two main feeds too. Plus, Little Saff is a baby who loves to comfort suck. I think when the main feeds are gone, the comfort sucking will go. Or vice versa perhaps. Her two main feeds are midmorning and/or pre-nap, and early morning on waking. We sometimes go without the nap feeds but she never misses the early morning feed. I'm thinking over the next year to get my husband up to scratch on the new non-boobie bedtime routine, so I can go away for a few days when she's around 3 years old. At that point the separation should naturally end the breastfeeding. At least that's what I tell myself. I'm open to the possibility that she might lose interest before then... not gonna hold my breath for that though. xx

Maybe it's not that serious, and maybe the boys all go back to being mates in a couple days. You have to go with your own judgement here. But, if it really IS a problem, and you don't want to get the school involved b/c you think it will escalate the problem, then that's equivalent to admitting the school has no control over the bullies. If that's the case, then you need to change schools. I hope that's not the case and it all blows over.

But it's not "harmless" fun if it's upsetting the lad, is it? (And I think the suggestion of a fight was meant to be black humour.) I agree with new mother. If it's happening at school, the school needs to deal with it. That doesn't mean charging in heavy handed and making a big fuss to escalate the situation. The school should have different ways of dealing with these situations depending on the particular circumstances. A wait and see approach does not benefit anyone but the bullies. Proactive is best IMHO, but proactive doesn't have to mean confrontational. xx

I'm glad we don't have a teenage son, b/c that's not the advice I would give at all! -Saffron-

Any ages welcome! xx

tell him to have a fight, he may get a detention and even if he loses the fight they won't carry on with it, fighting isn't usually the answer to stuff but at thirteen `as a growing lad making a stand for yourself might not be too bad a thing,by the way this isn't saffron it's her hubby, i just noticed this topic on her open page. hugs and good luck.xx iaineasy.xx