Saffron

If it's interfering with his academic work in any way, you need to tell the school. And you need to find out why his teacher(s) haven't intervened. Do they not know? Do they not feel supported enough to get involved?

Great! So we're on for both dates (Thursday 15, and Saturday 24 September, from 2:30ish to 4:30ish at mine (se4). I'll send a round of PMs with address etc next week -- or sooner if Little Saff will get off the iPlayer and let me use the computer. Cheers, all! :)

Let's tentatively plan both dates then. :) You can't make too many new friends or have too much tea and cake*!! Thursday 15th September, afternoon... from 2:30pm ish? Saturday 24th September, also afternoon? If the weather is nice, we can meet at mine, then take our LOs up to the park. If it's rainy, we can stay indoors and do painting or baking, or watch videos, or have dolly buggy races up and down the hall. If that sounds good, I can PM everyone with more info. Cheers all! *(Ok, you technically CAN have too much tea and cake, but my cake threshold is very high.)

Any/all of these dates good for a get together at mine in se4? Friday 9th September, morning Thursday 15th September, afternoon Saturday 24th September, morning or afternoon Let me know what works, everyone. Looking forward to a meet up! :)

Hi all- Glad to see there's so much interest already! Somewhat surprisingly, I haven't found any playgroups for 'onlies' yet, so I was thinking to host at mine if numbers aren't too big. I'm in Brockley (se4), so not strictly East Dulwich, though I've noticed that forumites tend to be scattered over Dulwich, Nunhead, Sydenham, Peckham etc. Of course if anyone else wants to host, that would be lovely too. Maybe we can rotate? Depending on the children's ages, perhaps we could meet once or twice a month for tea and biscuits, then maybe get a little more organised for a dayout sometime? xx

I think someone offered to print this thread and take it to the cafe (was it Molly, maybe??)... does anyone know what came of that? It isn't my local cafe, otherwise I too would have offered to do so. It's interesting that people have had such mixed experience. Does it maybe correlate to who is managing floorstaff at the time? I can't believe that the owner would allow some of the experiences listed here w/o offering apologies. As it's a new cafe, perhaps some of the staff are not getting all the training they need?

new mother Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Thanks. What is the result of DNA breakage, > Saffron? Non viable sperm so a reduced percentage > likelihood of successful fertilisation? If so, > once fertn occurs are those problems finished with > or do they kick in all the way along the chain as > the cells divide? I was reading it as DNA damage/breakage results in non-viable sperm, or possibly misfertilization leading to early spontaneous abortion of the zygote. I think it would be mutation, not breakage, that would lead to later developmental problems. I'm not sure how mutations in sperm would be affected by age, or the length of time spent in the testes. Sperm can be made daily, so maybe not greatly affected until much, much later in life? Just a guess. Here is a link to the BBC aticle: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8125934.stm . I can look up the original research papers if anyone is particularly interested...

new mother Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Interesting. I wonder if the male age has more to > do with it than we think. Do you know roughly how > old your friendd's partner is? Sperm quality definitely declines with age. I think specifically, there is more DNA breakage seen in the sperm of older men. In the past it has been thought that frequent intercourse would further reduce sperm quality. To the best of my knowledge, this has now been disproven. What has been shown is that while frequent intercourse may reduce sperm numbers slightly, this reduction is not significant. Furthermore, frequent intercourse increases the quality of sperm by reducing the amount of DNA breakage. So if you're trying to conceive, frequent (ie, daily) intercourse is best.

That all sounds great to me. As the rainy autumn looms closer, any indoor options are looking good!!!

helena handbasket Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Yes it was a kind offer of a play date. Thank you > again, Saffron. It was based on the suggestion > that my son is not exposed to younger children, > which is not the case so I explained that. No worries. And the invitation is of course open to anyone in a similar situations to yours! :)

Recent threads on having siblings, or how many children to have, prompted me to wonder if there is 'Only Child' playgroup out there? There are special groups for multiples, so why not singleton children? How do you think being an only child affects your child, good or bad? Personally I love being the mother of an only child. I feel like adding another child, at least at this age, would change my relationship with my toddler. I'm happy that we can just about give one child the standard of living that my husband and I had. Research does suggest that only children are not the stereotyped 'lonely onlies', but rather are well-adjusted and happy. I had an unhappy time with two abusive siblings, so I'm keen to avoid that in my own little family. Obviously my experience colours my choices. I'm just wondering what anyone else's experience/choices have been? Are there any other parents of only children of any age who want to meet up? xx

I'm sure the parenting handbooks all say that whoever hears the first word gets the poohy nappies for the rest of the day. And whoever sees the first steps has to vaccuum and do laundry for the rest of the week. ;-)

You could also put them on EBay with a low starting price, eg ?1. There was a thread on this earlier. It seems if you list them EBay with a low starting price, they are likely to go to people who really need/want them. Whereas many charities that take clothes don't necessaritly to take shoes, so you can't just put them in any charity box. xx

Not sure how much you can expect her to change naturally by 8 months. Babies are really variable in their nap needs and their pliability to change. If that's been her pattern for a while, it may take a couple of weeks to change it when she starts with the childminder. Instead of a morning nap, could your childminder give her some quiet time in the morning, eg music or ceebeebees?

Another thing to think about is how your child plays and interacts with younger children. A new baby won't be a playmate right away. Even when a new baby is old enough to play, there will always be the age gap to consider. For example, some 8 year olds don't want to play with a 2 yo, while others would quite happily do so. (You're welcome to come have some trial runs with your son and my 19 month old daughter. :) I think she wishes she had older siblings, but of course that actually is impossible!)

We have only one child. I don't want more, but my husband does. It's a moot point at the moment as we simply couldn't afford another child presently. We would have to think long and hard about having another one. By the time it might be possible financially, I would be 40+. However, please don't think that a child will be alone because he/she is an only child. Equally don't think that siblings will necessarily give each other good company. I have two siblings, brothers, whom I've had to cutoff association with b/c of their abusive behaviour towards me (even as adults!). I also have friends in similar situations, so sadly this is not as uncommon as one would hope. Fortunately, I have the most amazing group of friends who are like a family to me. Not everyone has amazing siblings, but anyone can make amazing friends. xx

I have the book Sophie has recommended above: "They Are What You Feed Them: How Food Can Improve Your Child's Behaviour, Learning and Mood". I can honestly say it is a fantastic book! I'm happy to lend it, but for any serious readers, you'll probably find that you want to have your own copy so you can refer to it as your child ages. Rather than offering behavioural advice, this book looks at how micronutrients can affect your child's health, including (as the title suggests!) your child's mood and behaviour. I wouldn't substitute dietary changes for good constructive behavioural modification programs (and I don't think that's what S what suggesting either). However, I would say that if you feel like you need another tool in your parental kit for behaviour, then this is an excellent book, very enlightening, based on research, easy to read, and not patronising. xx

It's not your responsibility to make sure your husband is safe, and it's not your fault if he isn't. He is an adult. He made his own choices. He can find his own refuge. That may sound harsh, but actually it's honest and fair. A lot of people had shitty lives and they don't go around hitting their spouses. It's not an excuse. And you don't need to make excuses for him. It's a classic response from the abused partner in an unstable relationship. I'm sure you know all this, I just wanted you to see it in writing from someone else. xx susyp Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > He is texting me now saying all sorts of things > that make me worry for his safety. I don't know > whether I should call the police, or what I can > do. I just want him to go to a hotel and be safe. > He has no family he is close to , and no friends. > > > Susypx

Very brave of you to post, Susypx. I totally agree with poppy. One single, stable parent is better than an unstable set. When you say you want your husband "to go back to how he was when we met", you have have to understand that this (the capcity for abuse and violence) was always part of him. Unless he chooses to address and change it, there is nothing you can do to change it. And you are not the cause of it. The behaviour you describe is totally unacceptable under any circumstances. Also, tell your mother what is going on. Even if she still doesn't agree with your decision, at least she will know your reasons. And if you haven't already done so, seek professional advice. Would you be able to go back to the counsellor you saw during your cancer therapy. A good counsellor will understand that you couldn't tackle this issue during your cancer, but that you're ready to deal with it now. A counsellor or life coach can also help you tackle your fears about single parenthood. xx

It's often a sign of frustration when toddlers and children act out in this way. It may that the child get tired or overstimulated easily, or simply that the child has trouble expressing himself. This kind of behaviour while not abnormal is certainly difficult for parents and friends alike. If the situation arises again, I would cut the playdate short, simply observing that the child seems tired and frustrated and is not really having fun. If you had planned to have friends over for an hour, cut short at 30 min for example. Make a rain cheque with your friend and her little one, so she knows there are no hard feelings. Set the date a few weeks in advance because you are, of course, busy. Then plan for playdate where you both meet somewhere public that your little ones can run around a lot. This way there is plenty of open space, and you can excuse yourself and your toddler to leave for any reason at any time without any hard feelings. Many toddlers will outgrown the biting phase. However, if your friend's child has had these behavioural issues for a while, a referral to a child psychologist might be helpful, particularly if the problem is getting worse or is bad enough to cause serious disruptions to her life. xx

You don't have to join, although I think there is a discount if you do. Little Saff and I went one morning a few weeks ago. It was ?5. In addition to some softplay they had painting and crafty type stuff. There is also a coffee bar, which smelled delicious. Unfortunately I was so busy running around after Little Saff trying to prevent her from painting herself blue, that I didn't get to sample the coffee. They play music and I think they might have some other activities later in the day, depending on the theme of the week. It was a nautical theme with sea shanties when we went. There is also a small outdoor space in which they had a sandpit. We only stayed about an hour b/c Little Saff (19 months) can only do short stretches of excitement before she needs some quiet time. The space probably best suits babies that aren't yet highly mobile, or otherwise slightly older toddlers and children, perhaps 2-7years. xx

Somewhere out of the rain: http://www.tdlp.co.uk/ xx

Try cranial osteopathy (not the same as cranial-sacral therapy). The cranial osteopath at the Sunflower Centre in Hilly Fields (Brockley) came highly recommended by my husband's dentist. http://thesunflowercentre.co.uk/ Also, if you want acupuncture but are too unwell to leave the house, why not ask if a practitioner will come to you. Ella Keepax (07787 118931) or Giles Davies (07739414210). xx

Great advice new mother. You can also ask for a couple of trial days with a new nanny to see how your child gets on with someone new before signing up to a longterm agreement.

Just curious, how are nannies vetted/qualified in England? I've spoken to lots of people who call themselves nannies, who don't appear to have any qualifications other than their experience in childcare. Ofsted registration for nannies is voluntary anyway. So basically, anyone can call her/himself a nanny. I would recommend you look for an individual with Ofsted registration, or some other pertinent and up to date childcare qualifications. Don't just take it that b/c someone is called a "nanny" that they are qualified to do the job with your child. xx PS: Here are a couple links you may find interesting/helpful... http://www.nannytax.co.uk/nannies/the-ofsted-register/registration-criteria http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Startinganewjob/DG_195809