SteveT

Ice cream is very useful with sore throats too. I seem to remember thats what the hospital fed us on having had our tonsils out and leaving us with raw throats. Sucking an ice cube might be useful too.

The relatives I remember who seemed to screw-up their offspring more than anyone else, were the aunts who never doubted that they were right. The rest of the family often had their doubts and would ask sisters, cousins, aunts etc their opinion on the matter causing concern, and their offspring seemed to be like the rest of us, only partially screwed-up.

That would be a relief for many non-dog lovers davidh!

I seem to be at the 'butt' of peoples jokes, or is that the er back hole? The quacks grasp of English was at best rubbish.

I met my first inlaws in their huge detached gaff in Kent, the sort of place I would normally only get access to, by servicing the boiler. When I was announced, her father just held out his limp clammy hand and grimaced at me as I clasped it and then he said "do come in 'old boy'". I was always referred to by him as 'old boy' it was four years later before he actually spoke my name, his wife was rather more practical and realistic, she pronounced my name because she saw me as an asset to her daughter. We had very weird reactions from Julia's friends too, one of whom said we came from two different planets. She was frightfully (fraytfully) middle class and genteel, I was a young outspoken working class macho yobbo from a northern town with an accent, and these 'special' male friends of hers, found my presence difficult to cope with. We made better progress with people who met us as a couple, rather than the long established male friends of hers. One of her 'arty' male friends asked if we had pet names for each other, I replied without hesitation yes I call her "c%nt-c%nt", he coloured a deep scarlet to his hair line, I had appalled and shocked him and laughed out loud. The possibility of a deep meaningful relationship died that day in embryo. I was hardly a sophisticated man of letters, more a raw-boned man of trade going into the world to make his fortune. She always said she was polishing me for someone else, little did I know how accurate that statement was. She became pregnant but had to get a termination because of her heart condition, she was very remorseful after the abortion as she felt pregnancy was the best thing she had ever achieved in her life, yet life conspired to take the new being away from her so she felt a failure. This lead to her depression and within a year she collapsed and died. I was twenty eight and she was in her early thirties, she was never the same after the termination, she was somehow pre-occupied and slightly distant, and the best thing that ever happened to me was when I went that day to fix her cooker. I had never had a sexual encounter with any customer until that night, I stayed and never left. 6 months after her father allowed himself to speak my name, his daughter and the greatest love of my life died of a massive heart attack, and soon after her father died too, but her mother and I, kept in touch throughout her life for thirty odd years. It took four years before I was psychologically free enough to pursue another serious relationship. I had not been out of circulation, indeed quite the opposite applied, I had been through the most promiscuous phase in my life. I was being pursued by her single friends, and colleagues, and had I not been in such a state I might have enjoyed it, but it was not the case at all, it was as if I was running from my own depression. Sex, alongside the chase, was the only thing which prevented me from feeling morose over my loss. It was a little over four and a half years before I indulged in sexual activity with another customer, whom we had sold a dodgey cooker to. I went along one evening to put it right and fix the new thermostat. She asked if I would like a gin and tonic, so we got chatting and she started to question me about my role in the business, and then I said I was a partner. I waited for a couple of days then donned my poncho and boots and looked like a sawn off version of "the man with no name" but without the ass. I was the ass, with the accent of Arthur Seaton from 'Saturday Night and Sunday Morning' I knocked on her door. I asked "fancy a drink ducks", and she said 'I have to take all these tyles off the wall', as she had tradesmen coming. I asked her what tools did she have, I then grabbed a hammer and chisel, and savagely crashed into them, and they dropped to the ground, as soon as they were all off, about ten minutes later, I replaced the tools in the box and said "lets go". She said 'I'll have to clean this up'. "Hang on, you said you had to get the tyles off, not spring clean the gaff" "you can do that anytime". She laughed, relieved the tyles had gone, and off we went, I stayed that night, and we married two years later.

The second time to write this for administrative reasons. I went to the DMC having had an appointment and an hour and a half later the doctor walked in from a visit, leaving a queue of people ahead of me. I left and made a new appointment which took several attempts on the phone. They seem to have lost my complete medical history and I'm not sure what can be done about it. I have never seen the same doctor twice. I went in to see a doctor and they somehow overlooked me and got left waiting for an hour so they sent me to see their emergency doctor I think they referred to him, and we had rather a stilted conversation and he had difficulty explaining whether I was talking about my 'front hole' or my 'back hole' which was surprisingly unscientific conversation for an alleged qualified doctor.

Couldn't you just remove the offensive part of the post rather than the whole thread? There was some interesting info apart from just the expletives.

Saw the duck call out to her chicks and they instantly went under water together, the reason, the heron was getting very close.

What a great loss to society...............

Gripes..... Since I have been attending DMC they seem to have 'mislaid' my medical history which is rather concerning, and I am not sure what can be done about it. It is frequently difficult to get through by phone and I find it more successful to traipse in and make an appointment. One evening I waited for over an hour after appointment time to see the Doctor, only to be told he has not returned from a visit. Another time I was waiting for a long time in the waiting room and I had somehow been overlooked, so the receptionist sent me in to see the emergency doctor whose English was so appalling we had problems trying to determine whether we were talking about my anus or penis, or as he described them as 'front hole' or 'back hole' hardly an accurate scientific description from qualified doctor. I never see the same doctor twice as it is seemingly run by locums, so it is difficult to build any rapport. Pluses..... It is the nearest place to my abode. It looks modern and inviting. I prefer DMC rather than having to deal with the often surly, resentful, and/or obnoxious, admin staff of the notorious Melbourne Grove practice.

No-one asks if you speak American Australian or Canadian do they? In the southern states of the USA they are considering using Spanish as the first language.

Nero tell it to us straight, no need to pretty it up, we can take it!:))

double posted:-$

My daughter did one of these treks 10,000 miles for ?2,000 all went well until the six who had planned it with her had all dropped out after a few weeks. She carried on alone and travelled with others she met along the way, and had a great time, some of whom have dropped in to meet up with her since the holiday. People are much more amenable and willing to chat when you travel alone, and the best thing is you decide who to talk to.

Marmora Man wrote:- Politicians do have a role - to manage the country efficiently while maximising the country's ability to optimise its comparative advantages by not fettering it with high costs, unnecessary bureaucracy and inefficient public services. I'm sure we all wonder when they will start. Politicians and civil servants seem to grow in number year on year, I wonder why there is no one employed to curb it? I think I have unearthed an irony.

English is a very new language and was spoken for many yonks before it was ever written, everyone wrote in French then as it was the diplomatic language. Whilst English was being spoken for those many zillions of years it absorbed bits of other languages which were the most precise in explaining that particular point, which eventually honed it to it's present accuracy. As China decided some years ago to drop Russian and learn 'English' as it's second language, it makes 'English' our most successful export. Great Britain was so named as it's an island lying off the coast of Brittany, and not because of it's errr greatness! Germany has a body of people trying to think up ways of saving German from disappearing off the planet, and the welsh language is most likely to be preserved by the welsh speaking tribe in Patagonia. Now I shall go and get a life.

david_carnell wrote:- Steve - as a self-employed business man I'm sure you'd be thrilled to pay your workers thruppence h'penny a day to work in dangerous conditions and with little or no employment rights. You seem to have an insight beyond your years young man. .....and your point is david?

Asda are doing some deals at the moment. Worth a look, I bought a bottle of champers for ?19 marked down from ?26 earlier this week.

RSA v Mex = 1-3 Eng v USA = 1-1 Arg v Nga = 2-1 Uru v Fra = 2-2 Alg v Slo = 2-0 Srb v Gha = 0-3

Smiler 20th June.

:)) What cora said!

I have a blackberry which is thornless, which can be treated like a climber and the children will enjoy "scrumping" the fruits. I can sort out a cutting if you would like one quids!

Most jobs are dull and boring but we need the cash. Jobs used to be brutishly hard and doing them shortened your life considerably, and you were knackered sometime in your thirties.

When you compare the progress of the school being built on the Rye, and the progress of the pool............ It's as if the pool is being built by the slowest builders in the land.

Jah Lush wrote:- I have it on good authority that you may suffer a small nuclear fallout in the arse region. Sounds as if 'nuclear fission of the rectum' might be more accurate. This is a good thread except no one is putting the address of the shops where we may purchase the hot stuff, please edit your posts people so we can indulge in your selections.