*Bob*

I believe I saw a man 'lift' Sandperson's keys in the park. Description: black and white striped jumper, jemmy, mask covering eyes and a scar on the left cheek. No suitcase. Happy to provide evidence to the police in return for a new laptop (Mac only, Sandperson, no PC rubbish please)

Does anyone have any 'favourite claims' so far? My top three: Oliver Letwin's claim to replace a leaking pipe under his tennis court. 'Dave' Willetts (Tory Skills minister) who claimed for a handyman to change his light bulbs. And.. in first place.. John 'Bulimia' Prescott, claiming ?3200 on food.. plus another 6 on mock-tudor panelling. Worth every penny.

If only the right sort of people could be attracted into politics in the first place. Maybe we just don't pay them enough. Italy, for example, pays one of the highest salaries - and they seem to be a pretty honest lot.

I'm sure are the day draws on it'll become less and less likely that you might have dropped them outside your house. Don't forget about that expensive jewellery and brand-new laptop when you fill the form in.

What an appalling website. It's like the daily mash never happened.

Naughty Naughty

Ever paid cash for anything, Guvnor?

Where's Martin Bell in his tedious white suit when you need him?

As the world plummets into global economic meltdown, I couldn't really care less if Hazel Blears might have overspent on her soft furnishings. Clearly claiming ever cent you can get away with 'without breaking the rules' has become entrenched in HOC culture over the years - on all sides of the house. Let's change the rules, get over it and move on. Is it not more scandalous that William Hague (to name but one) manages to find the time in his busy constituency schedule to earn ?100k on top of his MP's salary (plus whatever expenses he claims for, naturally)?

Listening to the radio this morning, apparently should ought to be the next Prime Minister. It's easier to be quick-witted, knowledgable and well briefed when you only have one issue to consider. Lum had a spot of luck yesterday and played it well, but let's not start wetting our pants over it.

I don't think she ever went to Scotland, no.

She was a wonderful woman.

But she always said - my dead Gran - that if the poor wanted to get the best pick of the blackberries then they could always get their fat, jobseeking arses out of bed early, instead of lazing around watching Jeremy Kyle, smoking Park Drive and waiting for their giro.

So - to extrapolate - what you're getting at is that even though my grandmother could afford to buy a punnet of blackberries.. she was being entirely mercenary in picking the free ones as opposed to leaving them for those who couldn't afford their own? Jeez.. I never thought of it like that.

So what you're saying is that people would prefer not to spend money on something when there's already something free which is just fine. That's what my Gran said about blackberries. I don't think it's much of a revelation.

Fair enough. Well, the answer is, it's because of all the pushy, middle-class parents.

Snorky, I admire your efforts to crowbar-in some 'Family Room' fodder to the main area where things can get more shouty and proper argumentative. With a bit of luck someone might mention pushy middle class parents and we can be off! (You could even do it yourself?)

YES! A proper, no-brainer punt, which sounded so 'too good to be true' that I didn't do it. It started with a tip-off from my brother: a free $1000-dollar bet from 'Mansion' for the Pittsburgh Steelers to beat the Miami Dolphins in the 2006 'Bowl opener. If the Steelers win, you win $1000. If they lose: full refund of your stake. In addition, the Steelers were the favourites by a long chalk. Can't get any more no-brainer than that. The Steelers duly won. At least I know I'm not a betting man now.

That's interesting.. There are, of course, better loft conversions knocking around but I assumed it was only a matter of ? rather than planning, or ? and planning. The thing about them is that it's hard to appreciate just how crap your loft conversion looks from within the boundaries of your own property. And seeing as most of the loft conversions you can see from boundary all look a bit duff anyway, you'll be buggered if you're going to spend more money making yours look any better when no-one else has.

Loft conversions are like bicycle helmets. A great idea, everybody should have one.. but they look crap.

Everybody's entitled to essential expansions of their living-space (essential granite-topped expansions, I mean). Getting a bog in your skip is virtually a rite of passage, isn't it? And what's wrong with the way those loft conversions look? Why, to see those dainty black boxes with their shimmering felt roofs delicately rested atop the characterful Victorian brickwork, you could be forgiven for wondering why they didn't design them that way in the first place.

Naturally, naturally. I was shorn, all set and fully equipped for my weekend with George, but alas, fate did not draw us together again. And the shop wouldn't give me a refund for the harness either.

DB Boulevard - Point of View. Everything about it STINKS.

Boy George said he'd 'give me one' - on the condition that I got a haircut.

If you have to suffer a neverending summer of skips deposited just outside your front room, delivered at 7am by reverse-bleeping aticulated lorries.. you might just feel justified in chucking an old bog in one of them.