*Bob*

Here comes the race card.

Ooer.. just gotta pop out - back in 20.

People always have differing opinions on what makes for a good birth experience. You go to the antenatal classes and hear chatter about making a CD of your fave music, a glass of champagne halfway through, dimming the lighting, wearing a special robe, incense sticks and massage oils. We had only one priority: baby out safely. Once it all kicked-off the last thing on our minds was ambient lighting or indeed the lack of it. We had complications, potentially serious ones (unlucky.. but not uncommon) and all I can is we were bloody glad the surgical ward was only a bed-trundle away.

I think there were actually more knives around a generation ago than there are now. Everyone seemed to have one (of one kind or another). I even had one myself. I'd spend the afternoon chucking it at a tree like a fool, trying to get it to stick in. The difference now is that there are a very small minority who are much more willing to stick them in a person, rather than a tree. And such cases, fatal or otherwise, always make the press.

Sandperson Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > We've just decided to opt out of Kings and go for > a home birth. It's our first, but to be honest, > the level of care you get from the home birth > midwife schemes in the area seems to outshine > anything that a hospital has to offer. What about the level of care if there are complications? Yes I know they can 'whisk' you into hospital if need be.. but if you're waiting for the ambulance to turn up and then bumping over the speed bumps all the way to Kings you might just wish you'd opted to have all the medical backup you'll ever need right next door to the room you're giving birth in.

Fuschia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > But by and large, teenagers didn't carry knives > etc, when we were at school. By and large, teenagers don't carry knives now.

We were impressed by Kings and had no complaints - certainly as far as the important part went. The 'ward experience' afterwards left a little to be desired but I don't know how you could improve on that part unless you go private.

I've always felt safer in London than anywhere else in the UK. I can't speak for living in other places in the world because there's a difference between living somewhere and being temporarily resident somewhere (holiday, work, blah). It's a big city, but everyone is tightly packed in. So a so-called spate of crime in your neck of the woods can feel like a minor siege - even though 'your neck of the woods' probably accounts for a quarter of a million people. The town (in the Midlands) I grew-up in was a reasonably-sized (population maybe 300,000 or so) and there were always gangs here or gangs there causing trouble. You always got to hear about it, because it was in this pub, or at that party, or on that estate - and there was less to talk about generally so word spread round school at between parents pretty fast. If I imagine all the bovver and general weekend argie-bargie from my hometown transplanted to SE22 and the surrounding postcodes, it would make living here feel like living in Gotham City.

Last time I was in St Kilda, we were sitting outside a bar and a man came past and stopped at our table. He fanned-out what must have been a few thousand dollars, threw a few $100 notes at us and then walked off down the road doing the same at other tables. So yes, I'd like to move to St Kilda as well.

When I was young(er): writing music Now: writing muzak

Is all of this just code for a swingers night?

Brendan Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > No morris dancing South of the Thames! Yeah.. let's keep it real and just do 'Rapper'. Morris is for soft southern shandies.

Those with absolutely nothing better to do with their time today might want to check-out these excellent restaurant reviews as featured on www.london-eating.co.uk Scroll down to read Rachel's review first (about 5 or 6 down) and then Jason's, which is above it. http://www.london-eating.co.uk/1626.htm

Bellenden Belle Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- And *Bob* you are just being a tease! Yeah, I know, I know. It's very naughty of me to mention it and then not spill the beans, but nonetheless the beans must remain unspilled.

I just can't. Honestly.. it was pointless me even mentioning it really. A simple description won't suffice. I've been there before. There'd be questions.. then more questions. And then no-one would believe me anyway - not without seeing it. And only a very select few have had the, er, pleasure of a viewing.

I can do something deeply weird with a certain part of my anatomy. Unfortunately it's so weird that I can't tell you what it is.

It's all very well declining an honour if you're David Bowie or Alan Bennett. Because everyone will know you've been offered one anyway, which, let's face it, is almost as good. In your (less newsworthy) case, your best bet is to tell as many people as possible you've been offered one before you turn it down. Or tell as many people as possible that you're thinking of turning it down.. and then accept it. Either way - you're off to a cracking start. Ps - even if you do decline it, it still doesn't stop you from telling as many people as possible that you turned it down (because honours don't mean anything to you) over the many years to come.

After all this fuss www.lordshiplane.com had better be good. Dom.. are you listening?

Where do they live, Dr De Soto? Was it a fair swap?

He doesn't appear to be the sharpest tool in the box. He's right about one thing though - everyone knows that "Mark" (or whatever he's calling himself this week) is sitting on a sack of cash as a result of this whole cynical enterprise.

What a cock! I think my favourite part is the 'embellishment' bit. Don't mess with the Dulwich Garden Centre, yeah?

It was a bit of a laugh for a month or two. A few comedy faces from the past crawled out of the woodwork and made it all worthwhile. The only thing it's good for now is photo-sharing, but when the few of my friends who can be bovvered to post them stop being bovvered to post them, that'll be IT.

Keef Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Lenny Henry hasn't done anything good for a long > time, but I love a lot of his stuff from years > ago. How many years ago? "Three of a kind"? I thought that was cutting-edge stuff - but then again I was only 8.

Maximay Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Erm.... this is ED we are talking about right? > ROFL! Seriously.. Keep an eye-out for 'em. Weekend day-trippers. I can understand how you go to Tooting for the curry, Brixton and Clapham for the bar and club scene, Greenwich for the river, museums, markets, and Streatham for the.. er.. ok not Streatham. But ED? Perhaps it's a new sport. Pram-dodging.

I find Russell Brand an interesting character. I don't love him or hate him. He is everywhere you look.. which isn't always a good thing. But stuff like the Amnesty thing where (along with The Mighty Boosh) he was pretty-much the only thing worth watching have made me re-appraise. Let's get shot of some real chaff before we bin The Brand. Speaking of which, I notice Lenny Bloody Henry has been given yet another series on the Beeb.