*Bob*

El Pibe Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > " phone doesn't work quite as we'll as some " > > Lovely! > Don't make me angry...

It's a general observation, V, not one pointed particularly at you. Up and down the land, lots of people are terribly angry their friend's phone doesn't work quite as we'll as some other phone which they could have bought instead. Pervy.

I'm not posting to say 'I don't give a shit' though am I, eh? .. I'm posting to say that I find it pervy that other people give a shit so much.. why they get so purple with rage about the whole thing. Really, it's weird. It's like getting angry because your neighbour owns a Ford Focus or something. Why?!

I make no argument for the consumer end of Apple's stuff - beyond that fact that fooling several hundred million people - time after time - with some sort of sub-standard product - is no mean feat. I find it pervy that someone with an iPhone 4 would immediately want an iPhone 5 for sure. But then I find it equally pervy that anyone else should genuinely give a sh1T!

the-e-dealer Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Oh look a laptop with no keyboard! But you can buy > a proprietary one as it doesnt support usb. Pull > the other one! Gosh - you're right. It'll never catch on.

OH MY GOD if only my ELECTRONIC THING could do THIS slightly better then I could really ACHIEVE something!!!! etc

The fetish of Apple-Scorning is no better than the fetish of Apple-Worship. Go and do something useful with your computer, Apple or otherwise - if you can. The truth is that whatever it is, it's most likely far more capable a piece of equipment than you deserve to own.

There'll be no meddling with my family jewels, Ted. In any case - they're only ever handled under the cover of darkness - following Strictly, every other week.

Well I suppose there could be a few hot 82 year-olds out there for you, Kid, but not many. 75.. you'd have a few more results, but let's get real, slim pickings. Things start to pick up around 60, for sure. Around the 40 mark, you're really cooking. Hang on - I think I've spotted a pattern.

Oh I see - semantics. Good point. So 'sometimes things get so bad for people that they have to steal food'. Not that things have recently got bad 'in general', but that generally there will always be people for whom things have got bad. Though it's possible I suppose that if things had got worse recently for some people who were already on the edge, then they might be said to have got 'so bad' recently. Anyway. Anyone hungry? Let's do lunch.

Apparently there are a number of people in London who sleep under a pile of cardboard in shop doorways. I don't notice them myself of course - I'm too busy downloading new iPhone apps.

Make sure your other half gets it chipped too. That way you're stuck with the thing FOREVER. "Millstone! Miiillstone..?! Here puss, puss..."

I vote for 'Mingely Fields' or 'Foxton Downs'

I enjoyed her last series enormously - the one where she singlehandedly renovated her enormous country pile. Scene 1: Sarah, wearing headtorch, scrubbing corner of giant wall with a miniature toothbrush in the dead of night. Scene 2: Morning. All done, miraculously.

An Australian, fresh off the boat, would do wonders for the place. Preferably wearing some sort of shell necklace and sporting an unusually high ear-piercing.

Would it be possible to get a representative of the Slavic peoples working in there, I wonder? I've always found them to be so very good with coffee.

Twice in as many weeks.. the double-edged sword of progress strikes hard and fast.

From Scottish Loser to British Hero! What a year for 'our Andy'

The man.. The myth... THE LEGEND

Is there an ongoing protest regarding the treatment of the parents? I mean I'm not anti-budgerigars per se, but there's only so much of them sliding down a small pole accompanied by the sound of a comedy whistle - that a man can take.

What do we have at the moment? Ah yes - 104 identikit curry houses. Even a Wag would be a welcome relief.

The ones I really remember are: 'Do you know where your lad's going tonight?' The one where there's a gas leak and then the STUPID wife (of course) goes to switch a light on. The one with the kids flying a kite near a pylon. Modern equivalents 'DON'T STAB PEOPLE TO DEATH' 'WHEN YOU'RE 13 AND SHAGGING AROUND, TRY NOT TO GET CHLAMYDIA' seem to have lost some of the charm-factor.

Actually I think I have seen that outfit on Lordship Lane. I assumed it was just a lone hipster from New Cross who'd taken a wrong turn.

Come now, there's a certain amount of bluster to 'not giving a toss'. What you mean is you don't give a toss.. as long as something acceptable is presented.. which it usually is. You would soon start to give a toss if she returned home with something completely daft.

What's the matter with you people?! Don't you have wives? Partners?! Don't they care?! By Christ, if I went out in a pair or Chinos paired with a shapeless pastel t-shirt I'd be in for a few sharp words.