HonaloochieB

The question of which condiment with the bacon sanger has been raised. Always the correct form when addressing the porker who died for your breakfast is HP. If for some reason the house has sat with no HP then Heinz tomato ketchup on the right hand slice of bread and a decent slather of Colman's English mustard on the left is acceptable. If you're fortunate enough to have had access to the 99p shop in Brixton and now have a supply of Branston's gherkin relish (alas no Bix's cucumber relish, but there we are), then on summer morning when a person is feeling frivolous, it's just the job.

Coincidence? http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article7040733.ece

Aaah Rosie, you gave her fair warning. You told her about caveat emptor, so she knew you had an empty cave ready to stash all the dough you was gonna fleece offa all the rubes, suckers and hicks. I'm prouda ya RosieH, 'bout time we had a Sergeant Bilko figure on the EDF.

Never open your door unless one of your neighbours from either upstairs or round the corner has gently called your name. Any other knock treat as the entreaty of a crook, a nuisance or just a general oul' ballocks. Just turn up the volume of the Phil Silvers Show boxset you're watching and let them go run up the road on the end of their syphilitically reduced noses. I reckon half the problems in this world could be solved if there was less door-opening and more TV volume increasement. And don't get me started on the modern complusion for 'phone-answering.

And if you want to get quoted on This Morning by Pip Schofield, make sure you include the sentence 'Perhaps the jogger got the runs' There's no charge for that one, though. And I'll not be requiring a credit.

The King Of The Rumbling Spires - T Rex

DULWICH DUMMY IN DUNNY DEBACLE There's your headline BishBerro. How much?

iaineasy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > What's this thread about? > ----------------------- > it was about roll deep being banned again then > decended into a big argument about moderators then > ???? and someone else started backbiting then we > all started throwing chairs around and smashing > the bar up, then lady muck took one of her crocs > off and jumpped into the melee spanking all and > sundry who were fighting telling them to be nice > and eventually wrestled mark to the ground and > gave him a chinese burn. Then roll deep reappeared > for the umpteenth time in a new guise which fooled > none and I spilt my pint down my painted trousers > and decided that was a good time to goto bed , > dunno what happened today but hopefully the > eyeballs have all been sweeped up, and new saw > dust thrown on the lounge floor................... Oh, Ian you should have stayed up, it went on very well from there. For a start Brendan made up a load of hyphenated surnames for himself, then LadyMuck, it might have been Quids and Mick Mac made some marvelouslly amusing remarks. It was all very droll. *looks around furtively to see if LadyMuck will notice him appropriating her trademark action asterisks* *seeing no sign of LM, breathes sigh of relief and wipes imaginary sweat from brow* *decides to stop rambling and get his fat ass back to the point and follow up what he should have *action asterisked*, three sentences previously and just types wind whistles, tumbleweeds blow* *wonders what Jacques Derrida might have made of all this* *looks at above, realises self is two-thirds lacking in a Three Stooges tribute act and retires to bed with a bottle of strong liquor* So IanEasy, painted trousers you say. Clash fan are you?

When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge & His Last Slow Dance Of the Seventies School Disco Orchestra

mockney piers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Honestly; he was just trying to do a pun. It came > out wrong. > Don't worry, if you ever want someone to be there > for you, someone you trust and love it's probably > not him (but when push comes to shove I reckon it > is), but you know, I @#$%& love him like a brother > anyway. > > Put it this way...I vouch for him, whatever that's > worth. Ooh MP, you caught me watching series 3 of The Wire, and that be influencin' all my sh!t. I'm hopin' you an' him ain't like none of them players. Avon and Stringer had great love for each other, m*fo, but when it come down to the dead presidents, them motherf*ckers start betrayin' each others asses like some kinda Shakesperean Roman play kinda sh!t. That was some cooold sh!t there. Truly. So if I got a message it be, keep your enemies close and your homies closer. Word. Aaaaiight

ruffers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > For what? Banging on the inside of their own door? Who's to say it's their own door? And why would anyone bang on the inside of their own door? If someone is banging on the inside of a door then there's the possibility they might want to get out. Not saying they do, but they might.

A Day In The Life - The Beatles

Of course Back For Good, it's impossible to dislike. You have to be an utter pop-despising bastard to do so. But that was that, with Take That. Wasn't it? I mean every group's got at least one decent song in 'em. And that was theirs. Sodding bloody great. But that'll do. Break up, be on your way and no more'll be said. Then 80% of the buggers get back together and put out a cowing, frigging pop gem called Patience. I wouldn't go so far as to say that if you don't like Patience, then you don't like life itself, no. But if you don't, then a brisk push on the right-hand side of the head would be completely in order. It's balls-out brilliant. Say different, you're lying. You know you are.

RosieH Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Poison by Alice Cooper > > In a similar vein, Animal by Def Leppard > > In an entirely different vein, Reach for the Stars > by S Club 7 Poison, is a fine piece of work by a fine artist(e). It's no School's Out of course, but then very few pop/rock songs are. Unless I misheard it I think AC used the archaic word 'riven'. Possibly incorrectly. but he gave it a go, and anyway he maybe had a golf appointment with Groucho Marx. As was his wont. Consider, pausing over some pop producer who's informoing you that you've perhaps misused a word and going off for some sport with a comedy legend? Alice went off to play golf with Groucho. Course he did. Alice, bloody geezer, right.

woofmarkthedog Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Oh... > > > Please just "Get a life" will you, I mean drinking > in bars & eating out of a weekend night till the > small hours > > What you need to do, is "stay in more" and talk to > nobody else but us here on the EDF > > > You'll have far too many friends soon... > > > Mark my words ! > > > > W**F > > > > *carries on picking nose with a chopstick * Now it all makes sense, you are Brian from Family Guy. Have a Lucky, a 'commercial' Martini and a Tolstoy. On me. Stay away from Lois, though.

emsiemcb Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Hello - yes I know exactly what it is - we heard > it every night too and were very perplexed - > eventually we noticed someone banging really > loudly on their front door from the inside at the > house opposite us (we're no.29). The person bangs > a few times then the light goes off, then it comes > back on again and the person bangs again. It's > very strange. I've never seen anyone go in or out > though. It must drive the people next door mad - > it's loud enough for us and we live opposite! Please say you're going to call the police next time. Seriously.

Velvet Goldmine - The Dame

daizie Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Iv'e only offered him a plate . Edited to say, > that if he looks like David Beckham, Russel Brand > or Alex Reid I might be tempted . Actually Daizie, offering a chap of my vintage a 'plate' implies far more than just a present of pottery. I refer you to Jenny Fabian's book 'Groupie' for further information. Thank you for your kind offer of a part for my microwave and of course if you have unintentionally made any any offer of an intimate nature, then rest assured I promise I will not hold you to it.

Where Have All The Boot Boys Gone? - Slaughter And The Dogs

I've had one for the last six years that my mother lobbed at me as I was leaving her place one day, she having had it for I suppose four years plus. It's got a clockwork timer and has worked like clockwork, for lo these past few years. It's not a cooking device, it's a heating-up contraption. Once you know that you know all there is to know about them. Unless you're as mad as Mark Knopfler who thought you had "to install microwave ovens". Installation? Take out of box. Place on kitchen surface, adjacent to an electrical source. Plug in. Was Knopfler charging for that? Bastard cowboy. Money for sod all, the cheeky git. My 'wave is just spot on for heating up ready meals, particularly the Co-op prawn arrabiata, I find it toothsome. Two weeks ago as I was lifting some form of 'food badness' from the 'wave something caught onto somewhere and the God of clumsiness appeared and the glass base fell from it's mooring and shattered on the floor. It's actually still there as I've mislaid the dustpan and brush, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, I thought this must surely be the end of the 'wave. You'd think, wouldn't you? Well you think too much don't you my friend? I simply placed a large flat plate of my acquaintance in situ and everything was as right as dodgers. And continues to be so. I'l let you know of any changes. Viddy if I don't.

I wonder what David Icke would make of it? Something, probably.

Smooth Thigh Gal - Ranking Monty

flapjackdavey Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > peter tork ? I mean that's just silly, Pete's got years of zany goings-on left in him. Hey Hey.

All I Want For Christmas Is A Beatle - Dora Bryan

I can't do the photo attachments, but Michelle Obama and Sigourney Weaver.