Rhinestone Cowboy

? The England team visited an orphanage today in Poland, "It's horrible to see their sad faces with little or no hope"....................said Jozef aged 6.

lovely great to be working alongside a Spurs fan as well No champs league for them...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R231U4ZG0YDNHD

Paddy is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He dials 999. Paddy says "It's my wife, I've accidentally shot her. I've killed her" Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?" CLICK,BANG Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm f**king having that!"

I'm not normally suspicious but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack......................she hasn't even got a car!!

Whats the difference between a peeping Tom and a pick pocket? A pick pocket snatches watches.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut. boom boom

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

An elderly couple is attending Mass.... About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband , 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

My Girlfriend just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine?s Day, they are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then. Not sure where I am sleeping tonight

harry

walked past yesterday and had sign for vets, handy for all the dog owners near the park.

We have movement lights at the front and they were still working but did not put them off. going to get new lock and also one of these http://www.kabrus.co.uk/ will hopefully deter the youth

The little runts had a go at mine last night. Scooter with cover and lock on it parked on front drive and surrounded by bins and flower pots. They cut the cover off and then lifted the bike to the street. They smashed the top box off and then spent a while on the lock but to no avail. Nice neighbour and milkman knocked at 6am to mention my bike was parked 50 yards down the road on the pavement. Thanks again to both . No damage to bike apart from topbox . Was a kryptonite lock that worked well , just a shame I do not have the room for ground anchor. Will look into Almax locks as well. Keep em peeled they are out and about again.

In the last ten years we have lost johnny cash, steve jobs, bob hope and jimmy saville . now we have no cash , no hope , no jobs and no one to fix it ......

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

The wife has been missing for a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back

Hello called the council 0207 525 2000 took a while to get through but very nice once sorted, 3 days later took away the 2 small blue bins and brown bin and replaced with small brown caddy. Front of house so much better with just the 2 bins . So hang on in there and they will get round to it...

Kid turns up at school with a cat peeping out of the top of his satchell - teacher says 'Tommy why have u got a cat in your bag?' - Tommy says I heard the postman telling my Mum 'when your kids have gone to school I?m going to come back and eat your pu$$y' so I wasn?t taking any chances.

http://www.trimetals.co.uk/bicycle-storage.php http://www.kabrus.co.uk/ Guy at work has these, lives in clapham and so far has been ok said the additional alarm on outside is big bonus.. Once I get round to getting a bike I will be looking at these as we are in same situation with small back garden and 2yr old girl wanting a bike in next couple of years

have not been to this place but looks good Not sure about the age thou http://www.team-sport.co.uk/event-types/kids-parties/ Buckmore park is very good on sunny day not so much fun in the wet

The Rioters' Prayer Our father, who art in prison, my mum knows not his name, thy Riots come, read it in The Sun in Birmingham, as it is in London, give us this day our Welfare bread & forgive us our looting, as we're happy to loot those who defend stuff against us, lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing for thine is the plasma tele the Burberry & the Barcardi, forever and ever Innit

The missus asked me, ?When you?re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?? Apparently ?Only to stop myself coming too quickly? wasn't the right answer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7fmJBv4OCs