dulwichrat

Is it true they have banned wild animals from circuses now? Seasonal work is getting harder and harder to come by every year now :(

I?ve always wondered why my pigeon buddies have such terrible foot trouble. They?re always missing toes, and sometimes they leave their whole foot somewhere and just hop around on a twiggy stump. I never liked to ask though, after all it?s not like I can recommend a podiatrist. The latest cutting edge research has just come in to answer the whole problem. It?s hairdressers. Boffins at the University of Lyon have found the more hairdressers you have, the fewer toes your pigeons will have. All that tumbleweave round Peckham Rye station has a lot to answer for. So pigeons: stay clear! https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/nov/14/human-hair-behind-pigeons-lost-toes-paris-study-finds

FussyGalore Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > For the first time, I saw a large rat (thought it > was pregnant) trotting through our tiny back > garden. If you think that?s surprising, don?t go down the park at night. I was minding my own business, nearly got eaten by two vicious cats ... some nutter was actually walking the nasty little clawed psychopaths out on a lead! I?d have been a gonner if it weren?t for the modern miracle of double retracting leashes. Strange times indeed. Anyway, if you see that one in your garden again, give her my regards. Sounds like my neighbour Sheila. Chances are that litter she?s carrying is mine too x

DulwichFox Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > I have poured lots of bleach on the corpse but > need advice as to what to do with it. The appropriate action all depends on the religion. I don?t know what religion would go in for bleach and the green bin though? Was it own-brand bleach from the Co-op? At least they?re in the right line of business. For future ref, most of us are ratafarian. We like to wait until everyone?s peckish, then we roll a fat one and gather round the deceased. Not when she?s been bleached like a 1980?s mullet though! What a waste of good maggots!

DulwichFox Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > They do not like Spare Ribs. I love spare ribs. Don't mind if they're pre-eaten, don't worry just leave them on the pavement I'll sort them for ya. > In Winter Foxes will catch and eat mice. Yeah and the rest. Last year I practically had to repopulate SE22 on my own. I got 99 problems, ungrateful little biters every one of 'em.

I wondered why the dribbling great ginger fleabags had stopped trying to pounce all over my run. Nice one!

Just to let people know there was a big cat on Goose Green yesterday evening - apologies for late post, it shot out of the long grass along the East Dulwich Road side and ate my sister-in-law. I've complained to new councillor Macavity hoping for some action.

Louisa Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > In your experience dulwichrat, what sort of bait > would tempt you to stick your head in one of those > contraptions? I?m assuming the rats of Dulwich are > quite picky. > > Louisa. You know what, the ?1 p?t? from Iceland was always a family favourite. Haven?t had so much as a sniff of the stuff since it turned into M&S. The M&S p?t? is over-engineered with parsley and posh black pepper, not for me at all.

Haha what a plonker! ?Oh hello, here?s a very suspicious thing that?s appeared with some bait in it, I?d better just stick my head in and find out if it?s a *SNAP!*? LOL I?ll never understand why mice always go for that routine, but those big-eared losers do love it!

Adrestia Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Do you think this may have affected the value of > my property? Ah, home sweet home!

*cancels Egypt holiday plans*

Please stop calling me ?Roger?, it?s starting to give me a complex

tomskip Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I saw the cutest little rat under the shrubs at > the edge of Morrisons car park yesterday. He was > having a fine old time sifting through the litter. > And I followed one up the path in Peckham Rye park > the other morning. Oh that was you was it? We?re you checking out my tail? ;)

Green Goose Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Can we have today's sitrep please. Thanks for asking. To be honest, I've had better weekends. Having a little lie down back in the park now. Stomach very unsettled :-(

PrunellaGobsworth Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > he said he saw one big rat get > into a fight with a cat and the cat lost! I am undefeated :-D In fairness, that one on the common had been de-clawed. Speaking of which, your pooch could do with a pedicure. All that trip-trapping over my bridge put me right get off the old trainer I was gnawing. Many thanks.

Louisa Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Rats are also regularly seen in the small park > opposite Sainsbury's. Ah St Francis Park. We call it the Promised Land. Our patron saint watches over us there too.

Three days in a row now, I've been woken up by that pair. Every day it's the same: I find myself a nice bin with the lid just slightly ajar. I nip in for brunch and a kip. Next thing I know I'm dodging a rummaging hand. The first time it happened, I didn't move fast enough and got tangled up in a jumper. Didn't get myself out of the trolley until they were loading up their Merc. The worst thing is the smell. If I wanted to stink of fags, I would have gone into scientific research. Yuk.

Sounds like my mate Tel the badger. He lives round there, and he's been dressing up like a nun for years now. No surprise really. Badgers are known to be creatures of habit.

Might be my nephew Nigel. Always saying he wants to be a beaver when he grows up. Got his whiskers in the clouds that one. I'll have a word.

The cat is a notoriously nosey animal. Always skulking around, interfering in other species' business. Two have pounced on me just this weekend. Luckily they were both de-clawed, so the worst that happened was essentially a surprise shiatzu. The second time put me right off the kebab I had found though. May as well accept they are coming, and prepare to deal with them when they show up. If you're lucky enough to be a species that cats don't try to eat, you could try this delicious Beer BBQ Cat recipe: http://catrecipes.com/recipes/beercan.html

1. Fly in chefs from the Far East for Platform 1's next pop up menu: locally sourced felis domesticus al forno. Re-rename the restaurant to 'Pussey Eaterz'. 2. Bread put out on Peckham Rye Common to be replaced with brioche buns, and at weekends with Blackbird's almond croissants. 3. R&D for new 'Smell of Baby' version of Fabreze, to be trialled in all local pubs. (Or at least the Great Exhibition and The Actress.) Winner winner children dinner!

My mate died of Sudden Cat Syndrome, in St Francis' Park, under a bush. I don't miss him though, I've got another one. Big fan of Cilla though. Great teeth. RIP chuck

Whoever Southern are using down at the station please. (Could you ask them to get smooth peanut butter rather than that crunchy stuff? Thanks!)