Ted Max

They're actually pretty good at it too contrary to comon (well not common more like just Anglo Saxon) belief. You'd have thought the Anglo Saxons would have had pretty good reason to believe the French were quite tasty. What with having had their arse handed to them on a tapestry, and all.

The French as a nation do not by and large go to war Brilliant stuff. Have you got more of this?

Or on the Forum...

It's from a sketch show called Absolutely, EDKiwi.

Media Pack here. Lots of guff about reader research, targeting of ABC1 homes etc, but no audit (ABC, BPA) information that I can see, which basically means they can claim what they like. At the moment they are claiming LS goes to 53,000 homes across Anerley, Brixton, Brockley, Camberwell, Crystal Palace, Dulwich (East, West and Village), Forest Hill, Herne Hill, Kennington, New Cross, Norwood, Peckham, Penge, Sydenham and Tulse Hill. If the circ is audited, then I apologise to Archant. You'd expect to see that in the media pack, though.

Scotland says nay to the big bad wolf

Oh yes, lady Vizsla has invited me to a dinner party tomorrow night. At hers? You simply must have a collision with a butcher's delivery boy on a bicycle just before stepping into her house. As a result, unbeknownst to you, the pocket of your trousers will contain several link sausages, making your groin irresistible to the Visla and leading to several comedy mishaps throughout the evening. Final shot will be the dog running off with a trail of sausages dangling from your crotch, while your hostess swoons onto the floral sofa. Credits.

I think we need to work the dog back into the narrative on the second date - which should surely be dinner at "hers". We could go 1980s sitcom and have it take an immediate and savage dislike to bbkings, perhaps tearing out the crotch of his trousers and revealing some inappropriate undergarments in the process. Or maybe go the other way, and have the dog take an amorous position upon bbkings' leg below the table, while bbkings tries to make polite conversation above. As he attempts to shake the dog off, he accidentally catches it in the face with his foot, leading to the dog squealing and running away. The date, of course, has seen nothing of this, and accuses bbkings of being cruel to her dog. Dinner ends early, she never wants to see bbkings again and the credits roll.

Still think that he and PetuniaButtons are one and the same. We really aren't. I note my last fanny was also on a Friday. The Friday Fanny. I must away, in any case, leaving Frank and Petunia's sister to slide their way to sparsely-attended funerals, within a few months of each other, at Westcliffe Crem. Then, one day, I like to think a nephew will arrive and collect Petunia's sister's ashes from the Crem, bring them home to London, and on a clear April morning scatter them high into the breeze from the top of One Tree Hill.

Frank correcting your relatives when they call where you live Southend. The yearning for the enclosed, warming skies of SE15, for the chat at Sopers, an Ayres pies for Saturday lunch. The lost pleasure of taking a walk along the South Bank - Harry's arm strong around your waist. The low parade of shops on Marine Drive, staffed by shopkeepers that won't meet your eye. The funeral planning leaflet you notice by Frank's bedside, one day.

The beaded fly curtain separating the kitchenette from the "hall". The regular schedule for the cleaning of the "nets" in the front rooms. The unstated worry when the first Asian families moved in at the bottom of the crescent. The overheard chat at the bowls club that led to Frank tearing out the pampas grass one Sunday evening.

Oooh Leigh on Sea, eh? Your sister's done all right for herself hasn't she? Did she marry someone from accounts, then? And does the pampas grass still grow proudly in front of the bungalow?

What, in your opinion, would be a good result for Stranack, MarmoraMan? Jessica Lee got 9.8% and third place in 2005. Jonathan Morgan 10.9% (3rd) in 2001 and Kim Humphreys 11.9% and second place in 1997. In 1979 the Tory vote was at 28%, and they were still getting roughly a quarter of the vote in 1992. Can they get back to that level? On another point, is there much of a party organisation in the constituency - or does it tend to get organised out of Dulwich? The LibDems are more organised within the constituency itself, are they not?

Most of these things do have practical uses but would amount to nothing if it wasn't for peoples desperate insecurities driving them to prove their importance - would amount to nothing + would be much better I use Twitter for work. I can monitor lots of people pointing out and linking to articles and items of common interest. Inevitably there is some flag-waving and self-promotion, but it's easily ignored. I don't really understand the hostility to the actual service, although the hagiographic media articles about it are indeed annoying.

You know the answer to this. I saw it linked to ... on Twitter. (It's Graham Linehan, but I think you knew that too.)

Irish writer puts up stout defence of Twitter after being annoyed by ill-informed comments? How uncanny.

I think Pip's brother Robert is an ED-ite, Rosie, so just befriend him and then swap saddles when his brother appears. Maybe he'll call you Bollyknickers. Anyway, Hunt's over-rated. A2A is all about the fiercely heterosexual Ray. http://m.gmgrd.co.uk/res/526.$plit/C_71_article_1114529_image_list_image_list_item_0_image.jpg

Little Sainsbury's - Big Sainsbury's The Florence - The Bishop Too much Nesbitt - Too much Nesbitt It's too close to call, so far.

Aitken would also do quite well in the "procuring prostitutes for clients" stakes. Not to mention the "getting your own teenage daughter to perjure herself" stakes. Robert Boothby, Tory MP and at one time an aide to Winston Churchill. Thought to have fathered three children outside of his own two marriages, one of them with Dorothy (wife of Harold) Macmillan with whom he had a long, semi-public affair. Also probable relationships with Ronald Kray and opposition MP Tom Driberg. Was shouted down when he spoke in the Lords to call for the release on bail of the Krays.

I think I might support Manchester City this year. They have some nice players now and and should be on the telly quite a bit as well. If they win the next couple of games I think that I'll definitely try supporting them.

Hi Tony, I've been thinking the nice thing to do would be to re-supply you with some of those lost images from your phone. I've made a start for you. http://www.4homeandaway.co.uk/images/3_westie_dogs%20001.jpg http://www.bbc.co.uk/birmingham/content/images/2005/06/23/a_anuli_350x400.jpg http://img.skysports.com/08/07/480/Millwall_1066313.jpg http://www.4-seasons.co.uk/resources/New+Garden+Fencing.jpg

The films? Fleming doesn't deserve the films. "Bond walked with naked feet across the cool Island sand, noting how easily it yielded to the sole of a white foot. The sweet, feral smell of negress sweat was still ripe on the collar of his Savile Row linen shirt. The maid had not submitted easily, used as she was to the bloated tourists and businessmen that usually stayed at the hotel. But she'd never met a white man like Bond before and now she came to him in the night, gibbering in patois in response to his firm corrective touch. "Sorry, dear," Bond had murmured as he snapped her glistening neck... wanketywankcoughsplutterpullpullohIsay..etcetc..."

In the Royal Festival Hall, a teacher and his wife struggle with Britten. Only the expense of the tickets prevents them from sneaking off at the interval. Four young men queue outside a late night Cabaret in Soho, although the doorman has already decided to refuse them entry. A new father steps out of a public bar in East Dulwich and the short walk home lasts longer than it should. His wife is not asleep, but quickly turns the light off when she hears the front door. The baby stares up from the cot at its father, and smiles. Payday.