jackangel

What's BBW?

Thanks Otta. Nice post. Difference is more subtle than we were led to believe.

Family Sunday lunch. You know what it's like. Can anyone help settle the argument: what are the differences between a "yummy mummy" and a "tart"?

Once a fortnight or so it is my habit to ninja my way across The Rye or The Green avoiding the poo whilst eating a post-chic Mister Whippy. It keeps me fit. As the weather turns warmer at this time of year, the shouty men appear. They yell at people telling them to do things like "run to that tree and back, while I shout" or "fall down and get up again, while I shout" or "lift this thing and put it over there, while I shout" or "punch my hands, while I shout", and so on. This seemed to me to be great fun. But imagine my amazement when I discovered that the shouty man gets paid as well! It shouldn't be surprising. History is littered with stories of even quite famous people having a penchant for buying physical, verbal and emotional domination and humiliation - but not usually in public. Mostly they were men; but not now it seems. The (quieter) Sweeny version: "Run to the parked lorry". "Duck down so the driver don't see you". "Lift the stuff off the back of that lorry and put it in our van". "Punch the geezer's lights out if he tries anything". So playing in the park can have real vocational application.

Three small children playing in a derelict garden brought grid lock to a part of South London last week. Emergency services responded in force when the children reported that they had discovered a suspected plastic bag. Police cordoned off the garden, in leafy East Dulwich, until the arrival of the army's Bag Disposal Unit. The BDU finally dealt with the device by means of a controlled exhalation.

Help! There's an outbreak of smugness on Goose Green! You have to live with smugness round here - but must they gather and use an amplifier on the once peaceful open space? Where are the water cannon when they're really needed? What are the anti-smug protester thugs doing right now? One must live and let live, I suppose - so if those involved would post their names and addresses, I'll pop round with my Blue Beat blaster to return the philosophy.

Nice post, Jah Lush.

You a tea or coffee person? Leg or breast? Sparkling or still? Bus or train? Meat or veggie? Beer or wine? Shoes or trainers? Radio 4 or LBC? Pyjamas or naked? eh? eh? You a Sainsbury?s or a Waitrose person? Curry or Chinese? Labour or Tory? Tory or Lib Dem? Lib Dem or Green? Sausage and mash or steak and chips? Times or Guardian? Dog or cat? Bubble or squeak? eh? eh? You a bleeding great box of binary pigeon holes? eh? eh?

Sir, I would like to protest in the strongest possible terms about the latest government initiative. Despite the fact that cyclists cause far more terror and injury than dogs, it is preposterous that we should be chipped and forced to have compulsory third party insurance. Southwark Council is just as bad with their proposal to bring back the fence on Goose Green in order to provide cyclists with an exercise area away from non-cycling people. This is quite ridiculous, especially considering that they have recently renewed the cycle path across the Green. It is we cyclists who will save the planet; save the species. When I cycle along the pavements with my children, I am teaching them road skills for the future. NCPs may call us arrogant, aggressive, selfish and dangerous ? but who else will be trained and ready to out-white-van the white van drivers in the next generation? Sincerely, jackangel (Ms)

(Yes, that IS us in the picture on the front of the card!) Where has the time gone? What a year! After leaving the bank for ethical reasons earlier in the year, Tony has been headhunted several times ? but he prefers to remain freelance. If there are any odd jobs you need done, do get in touch. Dan is doing brilliantly at school and, of course, has Oxbridge in his sights. The Meeja belong to a tribe of nomads, so Dan tells me, and he has become quite a specialist in their study. In fact, Meeja Studies occupies most of his timetable. Sue has turned out so pretty, popular and clever. The jobs she had in those few days were just not fulfilling and she is now doing arts, I think, with a nice bunch of people in a squad, or something. She must be very successful because she always has lots of money whenever I see her. Little Jemmy is outstandingly bright (that?s a scan of her drawing enclosed for your fridge ? it?s Santa). We have discovered that she has dyslexia - but I?m afraid the teachers are useless. They didn?t seem know what we were talking about at the exclusion meeting last week. And me? I?m keeping the whole ship together as well as doing my bit for the environment. I organise nighttime vigils in a quiet spot at the end of our lovely garden. It?s open to everyone, but it?s usually just me and a bottle or two of something to keep warm. What have you been up to?

1st man: We just bought a house in the road near the new school in East Dulwich. 2nd man: Friern? 1st man: No. It cost an arm and a leg.

A couple of weeks ago, our dustmen were six hours late. Despite the unnervingly static street invasion of green (Value Version) daleks, one other fact came into clear focus: Rubbish is the best Southwark department. By far. Consistently. For years! They do The Job, day in day out, rain or shine, through any clich?. At Christmas they tell you when they will be coming ? and they keep their word! Can?t stuff it in your bin? They will come and make a special collection. Lost a container? They will deliver a new one. Dog mess? Give them a ring. Got an unwanted vat of snake venom? The recycling centre will deal. No more flattening the back seat of the shooting brake and driving out to a country lane, or pouring murky substances down the neighbour?s drain under cover of darkness (unless this is a hobby). Trouble is, they make the other council departments look so inefficient, self-serving, smug, confused or plain obstructive. Could Rubbish take over running them all? Or is Rubbish just behind the times and not yet been through modern council management training? Oh dear.

-- moved topic --

(Acknowledgements to BBC TV?s ?Ello ?Ello) The theme music fades. It is well after midnight in East Dulwich. The bar is empty of customers. The occupying forces have returned to their billets after an evening?s carousing. The bar staff are clearing up. Ren? (from behind the bar): Yvette, ?ose down those ?ighchairs, zen you can give me a ?and wiz zese very sticky glasses. Come on, come on, we ?ave not got all night! Through the bar door glides Michelle. She is carrying a plastic bag, which she places on the bar. Ren?: Oh what now? Michelle: Listen very carefully, I shall say zis only once ? Ren?: ? Well? Michelle: In zis bag is ze MacDonald?s wiz ze Big Burgers. Where are ze Peckham Airmen? Ren?: I do not know and I do not care. (Sighs) Last time I looked zey were under mozzer in law?s bed. But you cannot leave zat ?ere. If I get caught wiz ? The Peckham airmen bluster through the door behind the bar. Ren?: ? Oh no! First Airman: I say, a piano! He sits and starts playing ?Pack Up Your Troubles? and the Second Airman sings along Ren?: Shhh! Zis is madness! Take your MacDonald?s wiz ze Big Burgers and go! The bar door swings open and a caped figure stands in the semi darkness. The piano playing stops, the singer chokes and everyone looks at the figure. Crabtree: Good moaning. Crabtree steps up to the bar and looks around. Ren?: Go away! Crabtree: You are having the farty? Yvette: What did he say? Ren?: I cannot understand a word. GO ? AWAY! Suddenly Otto Flick strides through the open bar door. Otto Flick: Also! Vaht have ve here? Ein plastic bag, eh? You know vaht se penalty is for sis? Michelle quickly ushers the Peckham Airmen out of the bar. Crabtree beats them to it. Yvette now decides to take a highchair outside. Ren?: ?Err Flick! ?Ow nice to s-see you. ?Ave a d-drink. Otto Flick: Do not try to bribe me! Vaht is sat odd - but strangely appealing - smell? Ren?: Oh dear ? (an idea strikes him). Ah, ?err Flick, it is an old French delicacy wiz ze fine ?and cut potatoes, er ? ze ?and reared organic steak hach?, er ? ze free range cornichons, er ? and ? zings. Otto Flick: Sings? Ren? (nodding confidentially): Zings. Otto Flick: Mmmm. Sen I am confiscating sis bag and its contents for furser examination. (He opens the bag and smells the food). Ah! I bring se General to eat tomorrow. Have more of sis traditional food for us. Ren?: Yes ?err Flick, I will arrange it. Of course (shrugging) ? it will be a little more expensive zan our usual simple fare ? Theme music

Now I think of it a second time, it was Grove Vale library. Hey Burbage! Fossick. Nice word.

So I admit it. I read a book. Murder. About this bitter guy and other stupid guys and a smart dame, with issues. Good. Took it back to Lordship Lane library. Picked a Tuesday ? it was open. Looked for another murder book. Were some about bitter guys and other stupid guys and smart dames, with issues ? but here?s the thing; the book order was a mystery. Heard about alphabetical order of writers and kinda thought libraries did this. But I was wrong. To add to the pot, there were ?special interest sections? where the alpha mystery starts over. And there are more special sections than books in this joint. I suddenly felt a rod in the small of my back. The voice was like ice and knew its owner was on to a sure thing. ?Excuse me?, it said. The Mob was arriving. Out of a clear blue sky. Pushchairs took out the bystanders. Took out the alpha problem. Buggies barricaded me and the other saps from the literature. Mystery solved - book order? schmook order! Found the door and stumbled onto the mean street. More and more of the Mob (who gave them the get go?). Grim faced, heading for the kill. Lifted my collar and trimmed my hat against the chill. Reached into my inside pocket and felt for the bulky leather comforter of my library card and bus pass case. Guess I?ll get a paper.

Did you see this quote from a local GP in the paper today? ?I?ve had an almost overwhelming increase in the number of patients presenting with PlayMobil Hand at my East Dulwich practice. The condition usually occurs on one side [of the body] only and inhibits the ability to rotate the wrist or grip small objects. PMH is a variant of RSI and is caused by frequent, reoccurring behaviour - specifically holding cylinders vertically for many hours during the day. These cylinders have been identified as liquids containers which include such things as bottled water and take-out coffee. However, the complaint crosses the whole of society as extra-strong lager cans and supermarket own-brand cola bottles have also featured in case studies.? ?Vertical grip adaptations for the benefit of sufferers have already been made to shopping trolleys and some pushchairs, but successful treatment may simply involve basic behaviour modification programmes. Playing a musical instrument is a great help ? piano rather than saxophone, obviously ? as is the wearing of the watch on the dominant hand.?

Well Scruffy Mummy, to explain about your own self interest ? just read the original proposition and your response. Not a perfect example of narrow self interest, but close. Colditz is a historic fortified enclosure. The Holocaust has become inextricably associated with the calculated extermination of six million Jews by the Nazis. I think your reference to this event in this context is either through ignorance or the desire to be simply offensive. Oops! I?ve used the H word . . . is this the end of the thread?

I agree with beef about the removal of the fencing around the triangle north of the old Peckham Rye Open Air Swimming Pool. It is so much better. Far from the Goose Green fence costing us to be removed, I think the sale of it could make a nice little profit. Car dumping, etc is a worry. Does this happen a lot on Peckham Rye Common or on beef?s triangle? Maypole (with a beer tent) is a great idea. I acknowledge that MelbourneGr would miss the fence and wonder if he/she could modify his/her behaviour to live without it? There are so many advantages for us all. Although the main road was moved at one time, the Green was not designed as an Open Space ? that?s just what it is. As parents, we have a natural duty of care towards our children. There is a lovely children?s playpark at Goose Green complete with grass. But even there, I would always know where my toddler was and assess the dangers ? such as being hit in the head by a swing, being set upon by another unsupervised child, or exchanging soft-voiced secrets with some dodgy character. We also manage so many shopping trips, walking right next to traffic without fencing! Can I recommend Peckham Rye Park for picnics? It?s fantastic and really very much worth just popping round the corner. The tedious hate dog/love dog argument rises again. The arrogant and pompous extremes of these two groups use every excuse to snipe at each other. The anti doggie fence is going and we should be able to sensibly debate the merits of taking away the rest of the fencing. Forget your narrow self-interest for five minutes! You can always canvass for your own particular Colditz at another time.

Thanks for the words of support chaps. The Council, on grounds of confidentiality, refuse to admit that a Blue Badge holder lives at the address, let alone reveal identities. Similarly, the Blue Badge does not identify its associated vehicle. The Council are the obvious people who should be investigating (because they have access to information, they have allowed the situation to arise and they would deflect any personal reprisals) ? but I agree, the allowed abuse by this family has become such that it should be a police matter. The group of surrounding neighbours haven?t approached the police. You can imagine the reception at the police station! Are there any national/government bodies that can remind Southwark of its responsibilities?

Just to broaden this a bit more. As I write this, I feel that the message will come out as if composed by one of those nasty extreme people, who make up fantastic stories about particular groups. However, here goes. A family with six + vehicles (others mysteriously appear from time to time) parked in the street outside their house, used to jealously guard ?their? space by blocking the road with dustbins, putting aggressive notes on windscreens, and by shuffling their cars around. Last year a disabled bay appeared (to the amazement of neighbours) outside their house and any one of their multiple cars now uses the bay and displays one of two different Blue Badges. Clearly something is not quite right here. After prevarication by the Council, whose officers seemed unwilling to even consider the matter, photographic evidence of the misuse of the bay by the family (including showing a small lorry displaying one of the anonymous Blue Badges!) was supplied to the Council. Councillors were kept informed. The Council have refused to act or explain, even though a great deal of evidence has been provided for them. I fully support schemes aimed at levelling the playing field as much as possible for disabled people, this is only fair. When things are blatantly unfair and the authorities hide their heads in the sand when there is abuse, a scheme can be brought into disrepute and public support is assailed. Southwark has no interest in enforcing disabled bay and Blue Badge regulations ? again finding itself at odds with national initiatives.

But isn?t it one already? It is designated as an Open Space, though often confused with being a little Park. (Think Peckham Rye Common, to which Goose Green was attached in the mists of time). But there is one sticky-out feature that militates against the usual concept of a village green ? and that is the fence. Not just the awful newish fence, all the fencing! The Victorians and Edwardians seemed obsessed with demarcating things (?this is where the grass is . . .?) and we have inherited a touching faith in tradition that leads most people to assume fencing always serves some sort of useful purpose. But Peckham Rye Common and Park have abandoned most of their silly fencing over the years - and it?s time Goose Green did the same. What is the function of the fence? I do not see small children boinging off the fence as they run kamikaze-like to the road; I do not see footballs bouncing against it. But I do see some owners who are out of control of their dogs relying on the fencing to contain their animals (in and out of the ?dog free? area), creating problems for other Green users. Before you dismiss the de-fencing idea out of hand, consider some of the advantages. People could cross the Green wherever they like. All of the Green would be used by a much larger range of people. The care and condition of the whole Green would become important. For many at present, the Green is just a diagonal short cut (that doesn?t actually let them go in the direction they want!). Safety would be increased ? if there is a ?situation? you could easily leave the Green at any point. Similarly, services could enter from anywhere. Who knows, the Green may even get patrolled (more often?). The number of chauffeur-delivered pooches to their fenced-in toilet would decrease. Dogs would have to be under control. Vehicles and stalls for events could enter from the road nearest the assigned site, rather than churning up other parts. Maintenance costs for fencing could be spent more fruitfully (e.g. reinstate the drinking fountain?). Gates would never be left permanently open again! . . . and it would look and feel so much better! We are told that the anti-doggie fence is shortly to go for a trial period (!?). This is the time to push for the removal of all fencing at Goose Green (no, not that around the playground!). What do you think?

Dogs can be one of the irritations of life. But things have got better; it?s not really that long ago since dogs were simply put out of the house for exercise - and if anybody picked up after them they would probably be considered perverted. Unfortunately, where there are dogs there is dog poo, no matter how well intentioned the owners are. Despite this, Goose Green has always been well used for all sorts of purposes. It may be news to some, but nobody likes wading through the stuff ? even dog owners! But consider the health risks to the poor children. Er . . . wait a minute, the poor children already have a special, protected play space at the Green. Oops! That argument loses some emotional kneejerkiness. Goose Green is the nearest thing we have to a village green. Sure you can carve it up with fences and segregate people as a sledge hammer to a difficulty rather than address the obvious: Don?t allow dog owners to let their dogs leave crap. Don?t allow dogs to be out of control. Enforce the regulations. Let?s stay together as a community. ? Nah! let?s just fence off some people! Goose Green is a historic open space. Shouldn?t it be protected as a whole, rather than crudely sanitised for some? Accusations of incomer ponsification of East Dulwich roll off the back like the proverbial water, but if we are to have enclosures can I make a bid for separate ones for drunks, drug dealers, spoilt whingey children, arrogant buggy pushers, men with poor fashion sense and those at imminent risk of throwing up? (Now if she had doggy children, she wouldn?t be saying that!)

What?s going on here? Is this forum closed to questioners? Debate takes many forms ? sometimes it takes a provocative remark to winkle out real views. A comment that runs against a featureless morass of received opinion should not be dismissed as ?inflammatory?. I posted ?Hooray for plastic bags? last Monday. I see it has disappeared into The Lounge renamed ?Plastic bags and environmental advice?. If this forum has an agenda that promotes particular viewpoints and suppresses others, could we see it? It might save a lot of time. Piers - I've written to him about this

Someone once said to me of Lordship Lane that ?the circus came to town . . . and it stayed?. I think that?s a little unfair. But, if you look past the side shows, acrobatics and parades, there is a depressing (to some) movement to coagulate everybody?s personal outlook into a kind of corporate bog. Is it the old kicking the dog syndrome? Feel impotent to change the big issues, so start a lynch mob to push a smallish, borrowed band wagon? A friend visiting this weekend warned me that anyone seen carrying a plastic carrier bag on Lordship Lane would be strip-searched by vigilantes before being extradited to Peckham. I did not go out. But the plastic bag is a great model of technological engineering design and is probably the most reused ?disposable? item in the West. Unlike most other containers, it uses a tiny amount of plastic; just enough for the job at a fraction of the cost. Irresponsible use and bad waste management could possibly endanger wildlife ? but not in Lordship Lane. Bags can be unsightly blowing around bushes and trees ? but not in Lordship Lane. What effect the flight paths into Heathrow and City airports have on East Dulwich is another matter. If you genuinely want to help the environment, you can coexist with the immensely useful plastic bag and make a difference. Here are a few starting ideas: Insist on tap water in bars and restaurants. Never buy bottled water. (Come on, look at the miles travelled, the un-reused, over-engineered container, the health concerns for a stale food product and chemical leaching!). Spend the money you save on, say, alcohol. Are you happy stuffing your wheelie bin with excessive wrapping? Week after week. Shop only where you get a good feeling (no, not just the off-licence with the money saved from the first idea). Oh, and stop bloody flying and pretending you can justify it!