Mrs TP

Thanks to all. I did pay to see a lawyer in the middle of all this who provided some excellent pointers but things have moved on dramatically since. Cost me ?250 +VAT and he wanted a down payment of a further ?1,000 against further consultation so I stepped away from that. Did get my official redundo notice today and garden leave for the 12wks notice I am supposed to do - the only saving grace in the middle of all this. Anyway now I have my formal notice I can pursue through house insurance legal cover and my union if they are able to step up a gear. I see a couple of people have mentioned the CAB - I have looked at their website in the past and it is so draining trying to work out which office I am entitled to attend and at what time - they are v. restrictive but will try harder down that line now. ACAS also wanted me to call back when officially redundant so plenty of avenues to follow but not tonight. When got home tonight was greeted by my brood (3 daughters) waving a big bunch of flowers and welcoming to my new role as a full time Mum. Mr TP cooking my fav scallops - it is good to be home. Still some choc b'day cake left from little one's 1st b'day yesterday too. x

Sian - thanks I put a post on mumsnet which has really taken off and interesting to see varying people coming down on either side. Given me pointers as to what I may come up against. Ladywotlunches - I agree my best position is to negotiate a good settlement and work on a freelance basis once the dust settles. I can see loads have read this post but few commented. It is a sorry tale of woe and really comes down to legal argument. Have had some helpful PMs from a couple of supportive forumites. Thanks to all and I will let you know how it pans out. In the meantime we are set to enjoy the wee ones 1st birthday today with a birthday tea.

Oh dear I forgot some cats like to play with them. We were rather spoiled by our last cat (RIP Louie) who was incredibly tidy, caught them, killed them, ate them. I can still hear the crunches of the little bones as he happily chomped away - truly gruesome but not as gruesome as mice in your wine cooler.

Darlin - I spray our highchair every night with dettox surface spray - the smell puts them off if all else failing. Also be sure to check in side your toaster - are they really crumbs at the bottom or mouse droppings? We are on our third toaster in 12mths and this one is religiously covered every night. Although, I had been hoping a mouse might trigger the mechanism and toast itself - cruel but enough is enough. Have a sonic plug-in in the lounge, which seems effective and just try and keep the kitchen as clean as possible. Planning a cat when the baby is old enough to swipe it off her head should it choose to sleep there.

There is the amusingly named and modernish Sandy Balls holiday camp, that has lodges, caravans, tents etc plus a swimming pool and a few bits and bobs. Google it. We have done a couple of long weekends with two girls and they loved it.

Due to restructuring, my employer started individual consultation re risk of redundancy (as less than 20 employees involved)a month before I was due to return from the full 52wks mat leave. The consultation period finished 2 days after my official return to work date and the findings of the consultation were announced two weeks later - I was told my position did not form part of the new structure and I continued to be 'at risk' of redundancy. Much as this was after my official return to work date I had not actually gone back and was on leave accrued whilst on mat leave, which my employer was allowing me to take straight away. They are now saying they do not have the additional mat responsibility of offering me a suitable alternative role on the same terms and conditions as the final announcement was made after my return to work date. I think as they started the whole process whilst I was on mat leave they are wrong? Any advice greatly appreciated. On from this they have made the decision on the basis 'post goes post holder goes' without doing any kind of skills matrix, which is all I can find reference to all over the web. Anyone know if 'post goes post holder goes' is correct? My employer states that this reason is being applied consistently and that is all that matters. Also there were new roles available in the new structure. At my grade my old job jigged around a little with some work passed out to others to free up time for extensive travel both within the UK and internationally - an average of 2 to 3 days travel per week. My boss knew that with 3 children and a husband who travels for work that I would be unable to commit to this and so I haven't applied. Prior to this there was only the requirement to attend one international conference a year for 3 days, which I did attend. Anyway guess what, yep you got it - my single childless maternity replacement got my 'new' role. I am still waiting for the figures that show the changes to my role were necessary and justified. There was another job at my grade, more office based and so I expressed interest in this on the condition that I was given my current 2 days a week working at home (I do full time, 3 days in office and 2 at home each week). They have refused to carry over my existing terms and conditions saying as my current role being made redundant they don't have to do this and that the role isn't suited to it but they could stretch to perhaps 2 to 3 days a month at home. I haven't actually gone back in after I was due back 11 Jan but have been signed off by doc with work related stress and anxiety due to all above - there is even more going on a flexible working request filed before all this started was treated illegally and I have put in a grievance against my boss for sexual discrimination, bullying and harassment re the way he treated me before I went on mat leave. I am now due to go in for a meeting on Tues at which I am highly likely to be given my official notice of redundancy. Any pointers on what I can say to them re how badly I have been treated would be greatly welcome. I do have rather colourful private rantings that much as I would like to say are probably not appropriate and so was thinking more along the lines of legal argument. I have spoken with ACAS and will call them again before the meeting and I am in a Union who are rubbish at responding to emails and who I think are preoccupied with BA staff and postmen rather than little old me on my own - although they have sent me a form to complete once I get my redundancy notice which will help them decide whether or not I have a case for an industrial tribunal. It is all so draining ...

I just found this link too: http://www.personneltoday.com/articles/2009/03/31/48820/how-to-deal-with-the-holiday-entitlement-of-an-employee-taking-maternity.html Basically says law unclear re contrasting policies of usual carrying leave over and maternity rights but good practice to act favourably towards employer. Also comments on pay and leave. Good luck Mrs TP

Your say your employer is refusing this but do not state who exactly at the organisation. If it is your boss then complain to their boss or the HR/personnel dept if there is one. If you don't get anywhere then file a formal grievance to the same people. There should be someone in your organisation who can advise you of how this is done. Don't be afraid of fighting for your rights. Your are not an inconvenience and are legally entitled to this leave. As a working parent it is not always about the money (although I guess that is why we work) but there are occasions when time off when you want it can be more valuable. I had 28 days leave holiday and bank holidays accrued during mat leave owing and was due back to work 12 Dec 09. I wanted to use some of the leave to take me through to 11 Jan 2010. This was agreed but it still left me with a chunk of accrued leave to use later in 2010. Our HR dept told me I had to return from mat leave earlier than 12 Dec to use up more accrued leave in 2009, as I was only allowed to carry 5 days over into 2010. I complained that this meant entitlement to 52 wks mat leave plus accrued leave was not being evenly rolled out and was dependent upon the time of year your baby was born. The HR person wouldn't budge and so I complained to the most senior director in my dept who sorted it out. You soon become to realise that your colleagues are not always clued up on the specifics of mat leave and parental rights do check out the site recommended by Vik above - it presents the facts v. clearly. Good luck Mrs TP

Thanks to all for comments and advice. My union (Unite) is being fantastically helpful and I am happy with their suggested ways forward. All v. draining but on the plus side the stress is helping me shed those last few pounds of baby weight!

Little H - could you please tell me which solicitor you used in the end and what happened (PM if you prefer). I was phoned today whilst on mat leave and also told my job is one of 10 at risk of redundancy and that we are now beginning a consultation phase for staff to provide feed-back on proposed restructuring and redundancies. I have recently put in a request for flexible working and had a meeting at work to discuss this last week and they are supposed to come back to me with a decision by Friday. When I asked how this affected my request I was told that it was irrelevant as my job no longer exists - that doesn't sound like consultation or 'at risk' to me but more like a forgone conclusion. Any other comments welcome.

I was amazed we managed to avoid the whole nit & lice thing until my daughter was 7. We were struck this summer. The adult lice are easy enough to get rid of and can be combed out, killed off with the various shampoos etc but it is the nits / eggs that are the real problem as they are not killed by the shampoos and are difficult to comb out even with the specialist combs. You need to pick the nits out - wash the hair and whilst wet part it every single way you can and look for all the little buggers and just pick them out with your nails / tweezers - sounds disgusting but becomes weirdly therapeutic. Don't be fooled by the whole 'white nits' thing either, they are only white when hatched and it is just the egg shell / casing remaining. Whilst the louse is forming in the egg they are brown and oval shaped - Google image them - cause first time around I thought it was bits of pollen in my daughter's hair. I am the biggest wimp ever and was mortified when I realised we had been infested but checking through her v. thick hair on several consecutive nights and they were soon gone. Didn't even spread to siblings or me thankfully. Good luck but will soon be gone if you are vigilant.

Just found one very soggy, Iggle Piggle in Adys Road outside the school and his blanket further along outside the vicarage. They are both now in our washing machine getting spruced up and will be snuggling up to the radiator later. Anyone missing them? Mrs TP

Pack one bag for you and one bag for the baby. Highly likely that your partner will be put in charge of dressing the newborn for the first time and you don't really want him spilling your smalls (or bigs as mine were) all over the place whilst trying to find the baby vests at the bottom of the huge suitcase with all your combined stuff. Take everything everyone says. Hopefully you won't need half of it in hosp and it will be all fresh and ready when needed at home in the following few days. Good luck.

Our middle daughter went through a terrible biting / hitting stage at around 18mths. Mainly directed at her older sister and in frustration. We would say a sharp 'no' pick her up, put her in the playpen and leave the room until the screaming and sobs subsided. Didn't take long for the penny to drop.

Used a playpen for my eldest two and about to re-assemble it for nos 3 who is almost 8mths old and rolling all over the place. Playpens do have a door / gate, which you shut when you have to leave the room and open again when you are around, so the wee one can roam in and out. Great also for chucking tons of toys in when doing a quick tidy up. We have a Baby Dan metal one but noticed they now also do a wooden one, which looks fab.

Did anyone see the protesters outside the entrance yesterday? Is it true they were there to liberate the budgies and string up ringmaster Norman? If so they have my full support as the budgies are rubbish. On the plus side, the horses were brilliant. Their disposition and appearance reflects the excellent care they receive.

Lion

BeccaL - it has to be done and be sure to buy your little one one of the light-up toys they sell as you go in so she can wave it around when they switch the lights off at the beginning. My bigger girls are 8 & 5 and we have been the last two years running - they were ecstatic when they saw this year's posters. Have just booked using the code Mellors recommended - fab thanks. Norman (the Ringmaster) and his budgies can be a bit dull but there are usually some excellent acrobatics and fun slapstick. Enjoy.

auction

For some reason I was thinking about Jenny Eclair's column in this the other day and realised we haven't had an issue for months (Nutbrook SE15). Probably not had one this year but used to pop through the door every month for 5+yrs before that.

blood

Camilla

Been happy with Next for my two girls at primary school. Wash well, last v. well. Can't remember exact price but certainly competitive with M&S. (Skirts are more of a problem for me - have tried supermarket through to John Lewis and all go bobbly quite quickly. However, recently changed from navy to grey as school permits either and the grey seem to stay in better condition longer - got the drop waist box pleat from M&S.) Do buy plenty of uniform - it is amazing how much they can get through in just one week. A good game is identifying what they had for lunch via the stains. Good luck to your little one (and you). Mrs TP

Hi Steph Your best bets are the free nurseries Mellors mentions above as you can get the 'proper' free place thing. All the other nurseries are private in one form or another and have slightly different ways of dealing with the gov't free entitlement (which is called 'Nursery Education Grant' or 'NEG'). My experience from Gumboots is that they calculate the full rate for the days you choose and then you get a discount of NEG money depending on how many sessions your child attends. Much as you have to book full days at Gumboots they count a session as a morning or afternoon. We did 3 full days or 6 full sessions and so were eligible for the maximum 5 sessions of 2.5hrs discount. If you only did one day that would be two sessions and so 5hrs free but as the full day there is 9.75hrs you would still have to pay for 4.75hrs. This is quite simplistic and Gumboots calculates it in a slighty diff way, as it has the option to opt out of NEG due to its none profit status but does implement it to a certain degree. I have heard stories of other private nurseries encouraging parents not to reclaim their NEG discount so the nursery itself can keep it and put it towards extra resources for the children. Essentially you need to speak to the diff nurseries to find out there exact policy. Hope this helps. Mrs TP PS Loved Gumboots as most staff are mothers themselves and have masses of experience of every type of child. It can seem daunting to new parents but if you take the time to initiate conversation with the staff they are lovely and very helpful.

Eynesford, Kent about 15 miles from East Dulwich. Google it, v. pretty and great pub opposite the ford for lunch. About a mile away is Lullingstone Roman Villa where you could also pass an hr. Have fun. Mrs TP