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The question of which condiment with the bacon sanger has been raised.

Always the correct form when addressing the porker who died for your breakfast is HP. If for some reason the house has sat with no HP then Heinz tomato ketchup on the right hand slice of bread and a decent slather of Colman's English mustard on the left is acceptable.

If you're fortunate enough to have had access to the 99p shop in Brixton and now have a supply of Branston's gherkin relish (alas no Bix's cucumber relish, but there we are), then on summer morning when a person is feeling frivolous, it's just the job.

4 rashers of extra-virgin pork, triple cured on a bed of oak-smoked whiskey barrels

2 slices homemade spelt brioche, gently coaxed from a hand-greased tin

Three san marzano tomatoes, dried under an Italian sun then pulped with an ostentatious pestle and mortar.


Serve with The Guardian.

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    • Sorry Sue - me again. This has been on my mind all day, it's a big bug bear of mine. If you don't mind - please can you private message me some of these shops so I can cross reference / add to my AVOID list.  Thanks in advance. Let's make sure this doesn't happen this Christmas, particularly as we head into sales season. Even more problematic in my experience.
    • Pity you didn't quote what you are referring to, Mal. I didn't see the previous post, and my mind is boggling 😮
    • The Cherry Tree was absolutely excellent for a while when a youngish couple ran it and brought in a really good chef. It was them who renamed it The Cherry Tree. They were really turning it around. The chef did fantastic Scotch eggs, and one of the best roasts I've ever had. If memory serves the then owner,  for some reason known only to himself, took a dislike to them and what they were doing and sacked them all. And yes we weren't expecting a top class  meal last Christmas, and we left it too late to book anywhere else, but we weren't expecting it for a hundred pounds EACH to be quite as terrible as it was. Stupid us. Not sure why you are confused by my post, Jazzer? Did I misremember? Now it's got even more confusing because my posts have been merged and your confused emoji is shown at the bottom of the second one instead of the first 🤣
    • Hear hear. Very well said. Thank you and all the best for the year ahead 
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