Reality check

[heartblock]

I suppose I'm just seeking whether this is how life is. Two over 50 year olds ( me and hubby) in a nearly empty restaurant, quietly eating. One other table with a family with young kids, the usual banter of mums and kids - which I don't mind, I regularly eat at this place and at 11.30 it is always popular with Mum's and kids.

Mother, friend and small child come in just after we have started eating and sit on the table next to us. Child a bit noisy with clanking of cutlery on table and throwing toys on floor - that's fine, I don't mind because that's what kids do.Mother gives child bits of food to play with and child throws food on floor. Mother keeps giving food to child who continues to throw food on floor. We are not bothered, have grandchildren and have seen it all. Then child starts to throw food nearer and nearer us until it is being thrown in my line of site and under our table.

I say very politely 'sorry, would you mind... But don't get to the end of the sentence as friend interrupts and says 'sorry is the food hitting you', I reply 'not yet, but it's a bit distracting... And just about to say 'seeing food coming towards you' and about to joke about it when the mother becomes extremely defensive, something along the lines of 'it's just a child' 'why don't you move' and then turning to the child giving her more food to throw on the floor and saying to the child 'silly, horrid people' . I get up and ask the waitress if we can move and when I get back my hubby is in the process of saying 'we were here first and why should we move'. I think he is right, but push him to another table - while the mother is still giving her child food to throw and then cutlery etc on the floor and very loudly saying 'silly, horrid people' and my hubby ends up saying 'oh shut -up' as I'm pushing him to another table.

Did I/ we handle this badly? was I wrong for not wanting food thrown my way while eating. What is expected these days? Maybe I'm just too old..

The restaurant waitress and staff were brilliant by the way.

[*Bob*]

How many times has an incident like this happened to you?

[heartblock]

Only once - today. I've lived here for 25 years.

[*Bob*]

Ok, so something happens to you once - in 25 years - and you want to know whether this is 'how life is'?

There's the reality check.

Over to Louisa, anyway - to take this thread to those special places only she knows how.

[heartblock]

Yes you are probably right Bob, I think she might have been a one off. I've found Mums and kids around here a really nice bunch. I was a bit shaken by the experience, which is silly really. Ok - good advice, Ta Bob.

[binkylilyput]

What Bob said.....only in a slightly less abrupt tone!

I think you handled it just fine heartblock. This mummy wasn't going to listen to reason.

Hopefully they won't be regulars at your regular restaurant!

[*Bob*]

Excuse.. written in haste!

[Jeremy]

Yep, no reason to think it's the shape of things to come. Also, there's two sides to every story, you might not have come across as jovial as you think.

[heartblock]

Oh don't worry Bob - I needed someone to say what you said.

There are much worse things in life than a bit of soggy bread being thrown in your direction while you eat.

[Blah Blah]

But had that been my kids, I'd have told them to stop, because children need to learn what is appropriate behaviour and what isn't. I think most people wouldn't keep giving food to a child that is throwing it on the floor either.

[heartblock]

Hi Jeremy, yes you're right as well. I imagine that the perception of the Mum will differ from mine. I'm not sure about who was right and who was wrong.

I think that is why I was asking what you or someone else might say or do in that situation. I've dealt with violent drunks in A&E and had to deliver the worse news possible to parents, so I thought I had a fairly reasonable approach and had learnt how to diffuse difficult situations. Apart from us moving to another table half way through our meal, I couldn't really see another way this time, the Mum wasn't going to stop giving soggy bread to the child and the child's throwing arc was improving with time.

[Blah Blah]

I think you handled it well heartblock. And had every table been taken, the impact of the child's behaviour would have been more.

[Sue]

I think the staff should have spoken to the mother.

I don't think it's acceptable for a child to be throwing food and cutlery around in a restaurant - certainly not right next to other people trying to eat a meal in peace - and I don't think it's acceptable for the child's mother to then insult you.

You sound pretty tolerant to me. I would have asked the other people to move, given that you were there first and there were apparently other places they could have sat in.

And yes, that's how life is/was in that particular instance. Which isn't to say it's always like that :)

[heartblock]

Maybe it was just a misunderstanding and the Mum thought we objected to sitting next to a small child and then was a bit over defensive. Then I was being overly sensitive (and hubby irritated at having to move!) The staff were good actually and as I had already decided to move, I think I had removed that option from the waitress. Oh well .. I'm usually pretty chilled, I think a gin and tonic is in order!

[Jah Lush]

Your nipper playing up again, *Bob*?

I think you showed remarkable restraint Heartblock. Personally, I'd probably have started with a raised eyebrow at the mother,followed by a Vulcan-like death glare at the child and then back to the parent again. If it went further I'd have ordered some bread rolls and hurled them in their general direction to see how they liked it.

I love kids, I think they're great but if they can't behave themselves at the dinner table they need to be reminded of their manners, especially when out in public. And if the parents cannot reasonably get their children to behave themselves then they aren't doing a very good job of parenting.

Having said that it is possible the child may have ADHD or some other behavioural disorder and if that were to be the case then the parent has my sympathy.

But the fact is this mother openly encouraged her child to play with the food and not consume it as you're supposed to. That is unacceptable and it really would have got on my man boobs.

[TheArtfulDogger]

I think the mother in question was right to say "silly horrid people" however I think she was hopefully talking about herself and not the OP

Utterly disgraceful behaviour by the mother and child in question and if it was my establishment I would quite happily ban them for being disrespectful to the business and other customers but that would of course start another thread on here ...

[steveo]

And if you'd whipped a machete out of your clutch bag and with one swipe decapitated the child, and plonked its still whining head on the pizza plate (I'm assuming pizza) in front of its thin lipped, gangway blocking mother, it would be you who got into trouble

[TheArtfulDogger]

steveo Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> And if you'd whipped a machete out of your clutch

> bag and with one swipe decapitated the child, and

> plonked its still whining head on the pizza plate

> (I'm assuming pizza) in front of its thin lipped,

> gangway blocking mother, it would be you who got

> into trouble

There's always one who takes it too far, eh steveo

Maybe suggesting just cutting off the offending child's hand would have been enough but you had to go for the whole head ... Sigh sir learn restraint

[Pugwash]

My daughter was moaning about the fact that her 2 year old girl was always whining and generally being stroppy at home ( they don't call them the terrible twos for nothing!) When she mentioned this to her friends - they were surprised as they found daughter very polite, helpful and a pleasure to have around. I asked my daughter would she prefer to have her daughter to be perceived as badly behaved etc outside the home or inside the home? She got my point.

Dining out with young children is stressful at times, us Mums in the family always take paper, crayons to the restaurant as bored kids can be distracted for a while. There is also a limited as to how much food you can give a child who is determined not to eat it. It also sounds that the child was seeking attention from the Mum who may have been giving more attention to the friend.

[Seabag]

As I've said before, go to expensive restaurants, even if you hate the food

It's the best filter I know for such behaviour

That said, I have seen people thrown on the floor in these places

You takes your luck