why do people think they can say anything when you're pregnant!

[Saila]

at least your pregnant... My dad keeps saying 'having another one already are you?!'

...can't get rid of the mum-bump :(

[anna_r]

Oh I've had comments like this for both my pregnancies. I constantly get told how big I am, even though I am actually exactly on the graph - 33 cm FH, 33 weeks. I explain that I think its because I'm short that I seem really big but right up to the end of my last pregnancy people kept assuring me I was having twins.

Some of my favourites were - during my last pregnancy:

Lady at work (who I actually get on well with) "Oh aren't you getting bigger!"

Me "Yes!" (rubbing bump proudly)

Lady at work "Yes front and back"

Same lady this time round (in front of entire office)

"You're a different shape this time round"

Me (warily) "Oh yes?"

"Yes your bum is bigger"

Me "Ummm ok"

I don't know why it is deemed appropriate to comment on someone's bum when they are pregnant when you wouldn't do that at any other time??

and also getting asked whether I was giving birth to a baby rhinoceros. How is that appropriate???

[Ruth_Baldock]

Oh gosh, Saila, that reminds me of the time when I took my baby, at a very tiny 5 weeks, up to Holborn to see everyone at work. On the bus there, a lady cooed over son (and rightly so!) and then said to me 'You're very brave, having another one so soon...' (still had a bit of a bump and unflattering outfit on)

Hmm. Didn't wear that coat again for a long time...

[littleEDfamily]

Saila and Goodliz - not sure if this was your intent, but your posts made me laugh!! Apologies if me finding it funny causes offence - I guess it's all in the context. I went through this phase in my mid pregnancy where I had the more ridiculously oversized boobs and got used to my female friends taking one look and exclaiming 'look at your t*ts!' I get called fatty all the time by my husband, which doesn't bother me (and I love how my daughter stands up for me, saying, she's not fat, she has a baby in her belly, Daddy (in a really patronising tone)). But some slimey taxi man I don't know from Adam would be a completely different story!!

I'm starting to realise I probably have said some inappropriate things in my time....

[BellendenBear]

Less than 12 hours after giving birth my Mum looked me up and down and asked when the other one would be coming out.

[Belle]

I remember someone telling me the Christmas when I was pregnant that I was 'big for a February baby'. As it happened he was IUGR (retarded growth) so he was most definitely NOT big for a February baby and came in January anyway! Did also get told by a pair of ladies I met at a public meeting how completely awful labour was and it was the worst thing ever etc. Then was quizzed by a guy in the office about whether I'd be circumcising my son (husband is Jewish) and if not, why not.

[buggie]

It's not just being told you're too big that can be a problem.... I saw my family for the first time in ages last w/e and had my brother tell me that I was much smaller than he was expecting me to be by this stage (26/40).

Having been feeling bit worried about how little I seem to be at the moment (and measuring only 20cm at 25/40 when the midwife measured me hoping to reassure me about my size paranoia!) I'd started feeling a bit more positive (lots of big, high feeling kicks from bubs over the week), but this put me right back! Still, seeing midwife again Monday and got 28/40 scan the following week so hopefully all will be heading in the right direction.

[Goodliz]

littleEDfamily Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Saila and Goodliz - not sure if this was your

> intent, but your posts made me laugh!! Apologies

> if me finding it funny causes offence - I guess

> it's all in the context.

No offence taken - it was meant as a humorous contribution to the thread - true though!

[reren]

Thank you very much all - your stories are all brilliant! As I stood on the tube this morning with no one offering their seat I too was struck by the irony of suddenly the 'huge' bump becoming invisible! Also I have to apologise to my husband he read my post and was hurt that I'd implied he hadn't been supportive - he's always telling me how nice I look, so really don't have anything to complain about on that front! Didn't realise he'd sussed my pseudonym - damn! I loved all the mother and mother-in-law stories too - you'd think having been through it themselves they'd be a little more sensitive!

Anyway - am loving all your stories! It is a very weird thing to have your body not only changing so much - but it being something people seem to feel is public property - but no doubt it is all worth it in the end!

I'm just glad I don't live in Italy anymore - when I did live there for a short period - it was amazing how often little old ladies would come up and tell me my shoes weren't appropriate for my outfit or some other comment on my appearance. Can't imagine what its like being pregnant and living in a country where people aren't famed for their reserve like they supposedly are here!

[plimsoul]

yak: i totally agree about when your trying but with no luck. that's why i posted the comment about people asking you why you're not drinking and immediately asking. i tried for a couple of years and at different stages thought i should stop drinking etc... but the comments drove me mad.

also, once i was married all the 'ooh you'd better get on and have kids' comments etc... just get out of my life. i know people are just trying to make conversation but there's plenty more going on in the world!

[Ruth_Baldock]

Plimsoul, I'll see your 'When are the kids coming along, then???' and raise you a 'Oh, you're pregnant! And unmarried! Who's the father?'.

Yes, someone at work actually said this to me. 'Errrr, my fiancee who I live with perhaps??' was my clever retort. Her response? 'Well you just don't know nowadays, do you?'

SOD OFF, HAG-FEATURES!!!. Anyway, am married now (to my 'baby daddy') so...er...up hers???

[Keef]

With regards the giving up your seat on the bus/tube thing, someone posted THIS in the lounge section a while ago.

Mrs Keef was once surrounded by a group of yoots in the street, but one of them decided she was pregnant (she wasn't at the time). She came to meet me, and said she wasn't sure whether to be releived at not being mugged, or just plain mortified.

[Smiler]

Some v.funny posts on this thread, but sad things too.

People are so rude sometimes!

Is pretty bad not being pregnant and people thinking you are / asking when you will be!

Buggie - hope all goes well at the midwife/scan.

[littleEDfamily]

Ooh, you've just made me remember the only comment that actually really offended me.... when I told people at work I was pregnant, seriously about 5 people asked "Was it planned?". I wish I had countered with some gruesome tale I had made up about the condom breaking or something even grosser to make them feel maximally uncomfortable.

I was a 30 something at the time, had been living with my boyf-now-husband for years and we had just bought a house. It wasn't as if I was the single, promiscuous office bike! (and even if I was, that comment would have been out of order).

[jollybaby]

LittleEDfamily /Ruth - I've had some similar comments - I was at a good friend's wedding the other day and her father (someone I've known for years) came up to me and said 'I hear congratulations are in order . . . now HOW did it happen? Don't tell me - you had a bug' . I think he was trying to be funny but it wasn't and you could tell that he would be mortified if his daughter had had a child out of wedlock. I'm glad my parents are a little more open minded.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Ooh, it makes my blood boil! A lot of DH's Portuguese family said 'oooh noooooo' when we announced the pregnancy. Then promptly asked when we were getting married.

I had a colleague that used to make a lot of 'unwed, teenage mother' jokes at me. I like to think he was bitter because he was 46 and his most meaningful relationship was with his copy of The Daily Star...

[Saila]

EXACTLY the same thing happened to me... and at work too

lived together for years, in our 30s & just bought family sized house etc

SHOCK-HORROR we decided to start a family and skip the wedding bit (saving money and time)

I went into our semi-annual board mtg.

None of the greying old board members said congrats and then in the tea break one of them cornered me and sternly said,

'Yes.. i heard about your news. A baby's a big commitment you know'

'Who's going to look after it?'

My lovely (female) boss interjected and said,

'There is such a thing as childcare'

I sloped off and cried in the loos

:(

[Ruth_Baldock]

What a bore that bloke sounds like, Saila.

When my Mum got up the duff with my little sister, she hadn't married my Stepfather yet. She'd been with him for 8 years, loving together for 5 though. Anyway, her brother found out she was pregnant and suggested she had a termination because the baby would be bullied for having unwed parents!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[buggie]

I know it's a typo Ruth - but the idea of being together for 8 yrs and LOVING together for 5 is v funny!! x

[littleEDfamily]

Call me juvenile, but I found the idea of my child being a 'bast*rd' quite hysterically funny. It's such a load of tosh that old fashioned stuff. Makes me want to rebel! It still makes my blood boil when my father in law sends Christmas cards made out to Mr & Mrs Joe Bloggs, even when he knows I have kept my last name (and what sort of loser would stand to be called by their husband's first name!!). I also love it when people who have met me first assume my husband has the same last name as me and automatically call him by my name.

But I am now way off track.....

[Ruth_Baldock]

The novelty of being (setting myself up for a stalking here, ho hum) Mrs Nicholas Baldock hasn't worn thin yet, but I do agree with you, LittleEd, it's an old fashioned tradition. My Mum has never taken any of her husband's last names (I'm making her sound like Elizabeth Taylor- she's only been married twice). She took on her Mother's maiden name when she was 18 and has stuck to it. Good for her, I say.

Now the big question is whether to bother re-registering Baldock Jr now that I'm married. The registrar seemed to think it was a must...dunno though.

HUGE tangent, sorry.

[plimsoul]

never took my husbands name. flipped a coin when boys were born to see which family name they took, i cried! fate was against me/them depending which way you look at it ;)

back to rude comments, one that really winds me up is how people feel totally at ease asking a mum of twins is she went through IVF. it's none of your business how i got pregnant? do you ask mum's of singletons?

also, STUPID alert: telling people you are expecting identical twins and being asked boy and a girl then?