Domestic Abuse. Help and advice needed.

[Ali56]

I am in a relationship with a man who is verbally abusing me.

He will not accept this and says I am the one causing trouble.

My situation is particularly difficult as I have MS and am housebound.

I just wondered if there is any way I can record what is happening.

My phone is very old and does not have a record function.

Any ideas gratefully received.

Thanks.

[chickendinner]

dictaphone

[Cedges]

A quick Google has brought up some local services...

http://www.southwark.gov.uk/info/200230/domestic_violence_and_abuse/2603/domestic_abuse_and_how_to_get_help

http://solacewomensaid.org/get-help/southwark/

The Solace Advocacy and Support Service provides independent advocates to support men and women aged 16 or over, affected by domestic and sexual abuse. We also provide support on safety, housing, going to court, benefits, health and immigration issues and can refer you to any relevant specialist services.

Sanctuary Scheme

The Sanctuary Scheme is designed to prevent someone affected by domestic abuse from becoming homeless as a result. The scheme provides security works to a home, ranging from changing locks to the installation of an internal ?safe room?, allowing women to stay in their homes.

WRAP

Our Women?s Resilience and Awareness Programme involves a range of support groups, workshops and courses that support women affected by domestic and sexual abuse to build their confidence and take care of their wellbeing.

Advice

Our Advice service offers short term support to women affected by domestic and sexual abuse living in London. We provide immediate advice and can refer women on to safe refuge accommodation, longer term advocacy support, counselling or specialist children?s services.

Solace Services in:

Southwark

Telephone: 020 7593 1290

Email: [email protected]

Hopefully you can get some specific help.

[KidKruger]

sorry to hear about this it sounds horrible.

borrow a phone/device that does record, OR

call someone when he is abusing you so the other person can witness it, OR

just end the relationship if he's verbally abusing you - you don't need to spend time proving it to him.

[Ali56]

Thanks KidKruger.

Sound advice-I don't need to prove it to him.

x

[Ali56]

Thank you Cedges.

That is really useful info.

x

[EstherDR]

Hi Ali56

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you.

If you want to chat to anyone to discuss options I can recommend the National Domestic Violence Helpline: http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

Take care of yourself,

E

[_ana_]

Hi,

You can contact Solace Women's Aid at 020 7593 1290. It is a confidential service and they can talk to you on the phone to explore options. You are not alone.

Best wishes,

Ana

[southeastelectric]

Wrong section for this post

[Cedges]

southeastelectric Wrote:

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> Wrong section for this post

Assuming the OP is in genuine need of assistance, who gives a monkey's? I cannot believe the number of views that this thread had with not one helpful response. I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

[Jules-and-Boo]

ditto - you do not need to prove this to him.

you have identified the abuse - and that is all you need. The next step is NOT to try and rework it or analyse it. It is to get away. Get safe. Abuse only gets worse.

Do not stand for bullying - in this case psychological abuse. Tell someone.

Have a chat with your local police. This type of abuse has been recognised as a crime and you need support in how to get away. If anything else happens, they will already have a record of your situation. They have a domestic abuse unit.

Let people know what's going on - it will keep you sane as well. Do you have a friend as well who can support you? Never underestimate talking.

[PennyDreadful]

Apparently it's well-known that disabled women are twice as likely to experience domestic abuse. I mention this horrible fact not to distress you, but rather to reinforce previous suggestions about contacting a domestic violence organisation - they will be familiar with what you are experiencing.

The freephone number for the 24-hour National Domestic Violence helpline is 0808 2000 247

(Might it also be worth contacting an organisation like the Multiple Sclerosis Society? You may be eligible for practical help, or a respite break.)

Best of luck with everything.

[Elphinstone's Army]

southeastelectric Wrote:

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> Wrong section for this post

shocking comment

[IlonaM]

Don't blame yourself, don't try to rationalise with him, protect yourself and put your safety first. Seek advice and support to make sure that you know all of your rights and options and, most importantly, put your safety and well-being first.

Rights For Women (http://rightsofwomen.org.uk) also offer free advice in domestic violence cases. There are dedicated helplines and very good information sheets on their website (http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/violence-against-women-and-international-law/).

'As part of the Ascent project we offer a dedicated advice line to women in London.

Domestic violence, sexual violence and family law

We advise women who have been affected by domestic and sexual violence on:

injunctions such as non-molestation orders and occupation orders

divorce and finances on relationship breakdown

parental responsibility and arrangements for children

lesbian parenting

Call 020 7608 1137

Monday 11am-1pm, Tuesday 2-4pm, Wednesday 2-4pm, Thursday 2-4pm

The line is closed on bank holidays

You can contact us for initial advice or at various stages of your legal case. You can call whether you have a solicitor or not.

We can signpost you to solicitors and other organisations who might also be able to help you.

Find more information on family law, domestic and sexual violence and criminal law here

Important information

The Ascent advice line offers free legal advice to women in London only. If you are outside London contact our national family law advice line or our national criminal law advice line

We can only advise in English on the law as it applies in England and Wales.

The advice line can be extremely busy. Please keep trying to get through.'

[Robert Poste's Child]

Ali56, is there anyone you trust - close friend or family - who you can tell what's going on and get support from day to day? It sounds like your partner isn't able to see how his behaviour affects you so I wonder if that might help you get the confidence and validation (horrible word, sorry, but you know what I mean) you need in order to take whatever action you need to.

Keep telling yourself that you are not responsible for your partner's feelings, words or actions. In a way the best thing you can do for him, as well as yourself, is to be clear that those are his choices.

[hpsaucey]

Understand what you're saying Cedges but given the sensitive nature lots of peiple might be sending pms..

OP - will send u pm later. Good to see lots of support and suggestions on here. dges Wrote:

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> southeastelectric Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > Wrong section for this post

>

> Assuming the OP is in genuine need of assistance,

> who gives a monkey's? I cannot believe the number

> of views that this thread had with not one helpful

> response. I think you need to take a long hard

> look at yourself.