Can a person be too honest?

[Ladymuck]

I mean, is honesty really the best policy?

[SeanMacGabhann]

Have you seen the recent Ricky Gervais film - "The Man Who Invented Lying"?

Basically, yes - it's possible to be too honest

[giggirl]

No it isn't always LadyM. Honesty can sometimes be very cruel.

[felt-tip]

a little white lie never hurt anybody.

"You look great in that outfit."

"Of course I still love you and the kids."

"I was with Dave all night. I have never even heard of a Teresa."

[legalbeagle]

Honest whenever you can with a big dose of tactful?

[Ladymuck]

felt-tip Wrote:

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> a little white lie never hurt anybody.

>

> "You look great in that outfit."

> "Of course I still love you and the kids."

> "I was with Dave all night. I have never even

> heard of a Teresa."

...until the truth comes out...and it usually does...

No, I haven't seen the film Sean.

[karter]

Just be genuine and straight and thanks for being honest Lm.

[felt-tip]

I think legalbeagle has it. Also worth remembering that you usually aren't asked for your opinion so saying something unsolicitited and unpleasant to someone and then just saying 'I was just being honest' is a pretty low thing to do.

[giggirl]

That's true LadyM but sometimes what one person considers to be the truth might just be that person's opinion. My truth may be different from your truth. Truth isn't black and white; sometimes it's off-white.

Honesty is usually the best policy but not always.

[Mick Mac]

You can be honest LM - is there something you need to tell me ?

[Ladymuck]

Interesting comment GG. To me, truth is simply the expression of something which I believe not to be a lie.

[felt-tip]

you are conflating belief and truth

[RosieH]

There can be a gulf between "believe" and "know" though.

[Ladymuck]

LOL Mick Mac!

Seriously though, I am often told that I am too honest. In reality, it is my guess that what the other person really means is that I am rude or tactless (or worse)! It's never really bothered me - until now. Life has also shown me that recipients of the truth are often ill-equipped to deal with it. Sure, hearing the truth can hurt - but the dispensing of it can be equally emotionally trying. However, to not give it, eats away at the conscience - I find. This destructive negative outweighs any purported positive in telling the lie in the first instance - in my experience.

[giggirl]

Exactly Rosie H and felt-tip - "believe" isn't the same as "know". I was struggling with my thoughts but that's what I meant.

[daizie]

who u p1ssed off now then? lol

[felt-tip]

If your experiences are that people are ill-equipped to deal with your version of the truth then why do you dispense it so freely - especially when your version of the truth is not necessarily the actual truth?

Do your truth-dispensing crusades hint at an inability to confront your own insecurities? To put on to other people 'hard truths' to deal with so that you don't have to address your own?

[giggirl]

Lady M - what's happened - give an example.

[Ladymuck]

LOL Daizie!

To be honest felt-tip, I don't know. And you may have a valid point.

But the clear conscience that comes from the expression of what I genuinely believe does feature heavily in my mind. This could be viewed as selfish - I accept.

[Ladymuck]

giggirl Wrote:

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> Lady M - what's happened - give an example.

Oh blimey GG...no need to worry...I'm just having one of those deeply pensive moments LOL. And I'm stuck!

But take for example felt-tip's example above:

> a little white lie never hurt anybody.

>

> "You look great in that outfit."

Well, why say something like that if you don't mean it? Perhaps you want an easy life, perhaps you fear hurting that person's feelings? But surely, if your friend (or whoever) invites honest opinion, then shouldn't you respect that request and give it?

[giggirl]

Basically LadyM, yes, be honest if someone invites your honest opinion, but what leaglebeagle said a few hours ago:

Honest whenever you can with a big dose of tactful?

I wouldn't tell someone they looked great in an outfit if that wasn't true, but I wouldn't want to send them away feeling negative about it. I'd just remind them how fabulous they looked in another outfit. I'd go all Gok on their ass. Oh, and I don't give unsolicited opinions - someone would need to ask first.

Obviously some situations are more serious than that. It's not only hurt feelings that you need to be careful to avoid, as you said above "Life has also shown me that recipients of the truth are often ill-equipped to deal with it". Very wise Lady M. I think in any situation I want to tell the truth but would try very hard to point someone in a positive direction if possible.

[giggirl]

I have no idea if the following story is true but I hope it is. I heard it years ago and I think it's a lovely story so I just googled it. It's about Jimmy Carter's mother, who sounds like a real honey.

Miss Lillian was aware of her son's reputation for honesty, which had become a topic of curiosity among many politicians and even reporters. During a 1986 speech at the University of Tennessee, Jody Powell told a story about a television reporter who grilled Miss Lillian on this topic. "Is it true," asked the reporter, "that your son doesn't lie? Can you tell me he has never told a lie?"

"Well, I reckon he might have told a little white lie now and then," replied Miss Lillian.

The reporter spotted the opening. "I thought you said he didn't lie!" she exclaimed. "Are you telling me that white lies aren't as bad as black lies? Just what do you mean by a white lie?"

"Well," drawled Miss Lillian, "do you remember when you came in this morning and I told you how nice you looked and how glad I was to see you...?"

[Ladymuck]

That's funny GG.

So, when is a porky not a porky?

[karter]

Ladymuck Wrote:

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> That's funny GG.

>

> So, when is a porky not a porky?

After GG has eaten the porky it is no longer a porky?

[giggirl]

Well Lady M, a porky is always a porky. If you know what the truth is as an absolute fact then firstly examine your own motives in passing on this information. Sometimes ignorance really is bliss. If you really must pass this on to other interested parties then be responsible; try very hard not to hurt feelings or do any damage. The best of intentions are sometimes not always enough.

Pxx