Please Help me - Bereavement counselling help, Feeling Lonely and Depressed, Free Help Please

[natty01295]

bereavement counselling help, feeling lonely and depressed

I am feeling so lonely and depressed,

Anyone else who is greiving , perhaps a chat / meet up

[Mrs Y]

I have PM you.

[natty01295]

Please get in touch

[TE44]

Natty01295 I have pm'd you.

[IlonaM]

I have pm'd you.

[KidKruger]

well done for shouting out natty, first step and most important one.

[Robert Poste's Child]

Perhaps it might help to get some proper support? You could start by calling one of these helplines:

Cruse (specialise in bereavement, not sure of hours but believe it's free to call) - 0808 808 1677

Sane (emotional support for mental health, local rate or included in mobile minutes, daily 4.30-10.30pm) - 0300 304 7000

Samaritans (listening service, free, 24 hours) - 116 123

Best of luck and take care of yourself.

[red devil]

Can i just add that if ringing any 03, 08 numbers, that you check with your provider first that they are included in with your minutes. I got stung for over ?50 by ringing an 08 number that wasn't included. Some 08 numbers were, some weren't...

[Robert Poste's Child]

Wow, that's appalling. Definitely a good idea to check then.

[ianr]

You can rely on 0800 and 0808 numbers being free. That was extended to mobiles a couple of years ago. https://www.gov.uk/call-charges

[siousxiesue]

natty01295 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> bereavement counselling help, feeling lonely and

> depressed

>

> I am feeling so lonely and depressed

How are you feeling Natty? You're not alone, please remember that.

[natty01295]

Want to meet up perhaps ? - With anyone else who is grieving, perhaps a drink ?

Please message me

[dbboy]

I went thorough a bereavement just over two years ago and to begin with it hurt like hell, you feel lost and not sure what to do or where to turn, what to do or even how to carry on. There where days that I didn't want to be here any more. I saw no point and soon days went past that turned into weeks and months. Try to find something that interests you and try to focus on that, be it a job, hobby, interest or something else.

You'll ask yourself why it happened and could you have done anything differently. Don't beat yourself up. I spent a year arguing with the hospital trying to get answers. Keep on fighting if that is what you need to do.

You count the days, the months, the years, Nothing is ever the same. In fact you have a huge void that you just can't seem to fill, you probably actually don't want to fill the void. Some days you'll be sad and angry other days you'll laugh, but you'll always remember them and they'll always be in your thoughts and memories.

You'll see some people who just seem to move on, that's them, this is your grief and you need to work your way through it at your own speed. If you need to cry, well cry their is no shame in it. Let your feelings out, don't bottle them up because eventually it will effect your own health.

Remember the good times you had with them, the things they liked and did. Try to keep some of those things going to remember and honour them.

People will ask how are you doing? They generally leave you to get on with things because they don't want to intrude. It seems to be the culture here. If you need help from someone, don't be afraid to ASK or go and speak with your GP. They can advise you.

Being on your own is hard but in time you adjust to it, in fact you adjust to not seeing the person you lost and them not being around any more, easy to say I know, but in time you'll start adjusting over the coming weeks, months and years.

Remembering them hurts, as is the anniversary of their birthday and death. month one, two, etc. Time keeps ticking by and before you know it, it will be already be a year. Time helps, BUT it doesn't heal. You'll never, ever ever forget the person you lost, but in time you'll start to accept your loss and begin to move forward. It's not easy, never give up and keep on fighting your way through it, eventually you'll see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I went to a so called bereavement counsellor and to be honest I walked out after an hour and felt what a waste of money, if you see one make sure you know what you want as a result of the or each session. They can become talking shops where you do everything and the counsellor just sits and listens, I suppose it all depends on what you want from them. I wanted something robust not something fluffy and unmeasurable.

Hope this helps, its taken me over two years to be able to write anything about my experience of bereavement. And there are still days when it hurts, but not as much as before.

[teddyboy23]

On the money dbboy every thing said spot on

[Elphinstone's Army]

Natty, there are good articles in the Guardian about bereavement and coping, written by men who have or are experiencing pain and loss, which hopefully might help you - one day at a time is the usual kindly meant advice.

[Elphinstone's Army]

dbboy, a generous post, thank you

[lavender27]

They can become talking shops where you

> do everything and the counsellor just sits and

> listens, I suppose it all depends on what you want

> from them. I wanted something robust not something

> fluffy and unmeasurable.

I know what you mean dbboy, it's like talking to a wall or even worse, yourself.

Family and friends that knew the deceased and knows you are the best.

>

>

[sweetgirl]

sometimes it helps to write things down....feelings, thoughts etc

just as a release, until you get the right help that you need.

I have in the past written down stuff & it has helped me massively

I have kept my notes & every now & again.... if I come across the notes i'll have a read....

it reminds me of exactly how I felt & how far I've come since

hope that helps.... at least in the short term

[natty01295]

Its not easy coping, and feeling so lonely, and the pain/agony but,

and i`m trying to keep my self busy, But crying all the time

[natty01295]

Who can I talk too ?

[Jules-and-Boo]

Natty, give the samaritans a call.

They have a free phone line - 116 123

They will be able to recommend support, if you need more support than they offer.

Otherwise, you could go to your GP. Make an emergency appointment (i.e. just turn up first thing in the morning, but check with receptionist when they give out the daily appointments)

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/samaritans-free-call-helpline-number-faqs

[dbboy]

I was hoping these posts and suggestions may have helped you to see others experiences so you can compare where you are in the bereavement process. Are you looking for someone to talk through / compare your experience of your bereavement/grief or are you looking for direct support?

Have as was suggested above tried "

"Cruse (specialise in bereavement, not sure of hours but believe it's free to call) - 0808 808 1677

Sane (emotional support for mental health, local rate or included in mobile minutes, daily 4.30-10.30pm) - 0300 304 7000

Samaritans (listening service, free, 24 hours) - 116 123"

"Generally bereavement / grief have five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance which form part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling, but they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief".

Councillors exist who help those grieving and as I mentioned in my post, if you go to see one have in your mind what you want to gain/achieve from the session and agree the things you want to achieve with the councillor at the start. Review it at the start of the next session to see how much progress you have made or feel the support has given you?

The sessions can become expensive and if not careful one sided talking sessions, you do the talking and the councillor makes nice noises but no real concrete suggestions and little or nothing changes as a result, depends if you are looking for something fluffy or rather more robust support in terms of what you take away from the session with the councillor.

I am just an ordinary bloke who has like hundreds of thousand of others in the last two years has also been through the grieving process.

The person who you lost although not being here to see or speak with any more, is and will always be in your memory and you'll never ever ever forget them. Although nothing is the way it was or will ever be again and as much as it hurts and continues to hurt right now, as time passes it will help to ease that pain of loss which you have experienced. Whilst difficult, make the most of each day you have yourself, because you never know what the next corner of life holds for you. I say that from very personal experience, if we ever meet I will happily expand on that for you, but here is not the place.

In time you will find other things that interest and occupy you, but because you cared you'll never ever, ever forget the person you have lost.

[Pugwash]

Re dbboy as above.

I support what he has said. It is important that you get some help to support you through this time. There is a well known theory/fact in the counselling world that if you are unable to come through your 'first grieving process', when you experience another 'loss' it reopens your previous loss and makes the current loss more unbearable. I am not explaining this very well - it may well be that you have experienced a previous loss in your life and thought that you have managed to get over it but this new loss has re awakened those feelings and they are intensified.

[Sue]

Very sorry for your loss, and I don't know your circumstances, but I wonder if as well as having someone to talk to you also need some physical (and caring) contact?

Do you have a relative or friend who would sit with you and hold you while you cry? Without trying to impose any "help"?

[Pugwash]

There have been many helpful suggestions on EDF and I wonder whether you have tried to contact anyone/organisation.

You do not indicate your age or the age of the deceased. You may have experienced a still birth or cot death/sudden infant death for which there are specialist organisations.

In the past 5 years I have lost both parents and experienced different levels of grief possibly as I knew that their death was inevitable in a very short time, Your grief may be as a result of an accident/incident and therefore you are in shock. Kings College Hospital have bereavement counsellors who offer help for those whose loved one died in hospital.