Is counselling a waste of time?

[dulwichmum]

My husband said I needed help when my first son was born...

So I employed a fully time house-keeper and live in nanny and it has been substantially better ever since ... (sigh)

[Michael Palaeologus]

It is horses for courses. Not that I am recommending equine therapy (Tell me about your foal-hood).

I think we can all accept that mental and psychological problems are as real as physical problems. If we need a Doctor to get our physical side sorted out then we also need counsellors and suchlike to help with the mental and psychological problems.

A real challenge is that there are so many types of councellor out there and it can be pot-luck in finding the right one for you. I know a number of people who started with one counsellor, didnt get anywhere, moved on to another and got a successfull outcome.

I think alot of cynicism is created when people dont find the right counsellor for them and then assume that all counselling is the same.

[LostThePlot]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think alot of cynicism is created when people

> dont find the right counsellor for them and then

> assume that all counselling is the same.

I agree with Michael here. Being Northern I've always an eye on my wallet, so when someone sits and listens to you for an hour, for ?45 you have to wonder who's helping who? That was the one thing I "discovered" - "Don't be afraid to express your feelings" so I didn't and stated what I felt, left a cheque and walked out, never to return.

As I have said to Gerry in a PM conversation, I think there are two issues here. Firstly we Brits are quite reserved about such stuff, so all hang ups are cured with "Have a cup of tea" And of course I feel people of my era, growing up in the 70's knew people in the place we lived who were "Bad with their nerves" Or if the truth be told whacked out of their minds or drugs of the NHS. That brought with it a stigma. Sadly, I think that stigma is in our minds as adults, so we have an aversion to that.

Until that stigma is overcome then I think the industry will always struggle. Sadly, I think the whole grieving "resurgence" that has come about, Post-Diana, that willingness to show it, has also been counter productive. Though I'm all for a good cry, I have had friends that took to seeing a councilor as it seemed to be the right thing to do. Almost a badge of honour.

So where am I going with this? I'm not sure, I just wanted to talk about it...:))

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Some bloke I know who works in the city (boo hiss!) had a very serious drink problem and nervous breakdown that affected his work, so his bank paid for him to get counselling from The Priory.

He went in thinking it would be a pile of crap. He came out the other side a changed man.

The counsellor was a no-nonsense scouser who wasn't fluffy and didn't pull his punches (wierdly I'm not related). I think that was what worked for my know-all mate, but like MP said above, it's horses for courses.

[Brendan]

If you want to try to get away from the touchy-feely image that most men have of counseling I would suggest holding the sessions in a pub.

May not help for booze related prblems though. :-S

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Brendan - Isn't that most men's experience of counselling already??

Man 1 - "You look pissed off, here have a drink"

Man 2 - "Yeh, sorted"

[Brendan]

I think you?re right there CWLD. Throw in a few inappropriate comments about the female anatomy and you will have the Western male?s equivalent of achieving nirvana

[mockney piers]

Exactly. Whereas the women do it over a glass of wine in a 'bar'. Mars and Venus huh!

[ChavWivaLawDegree]

Or over a plate of eclairs in the sitting room

[Nero]

If the counsellor is properly and thoroughly trained and the counsellee understands that honesty and an understanding of what the problem actually is, then counselling can work. It's just talking and listening and being prepared to act on advice or see things in a different way. It's not mumbo-jumbo or psycho-babble; indeed, I would advise against anything too analytical as it cam stymie (sp) one's chance of moving forward. Gerry, I would make sure your clients know about your qualifications and be prepared to give them the chance to see references. Nero

[cdonline]

One of the problem I see, is that people are often unable to make an informed choice about who to see. It can be a bit of a shot in the dark. I have to find counsellors and therapists for pieces of work and you can tell a lot from the way they are on the telephone. A friendly professional voice gives me some kind of confidence that they will be that way in the session. and answerphones- some dreary voiced message, just think, you've got to spend the time listen to them drone on and on.

I would have no problem in telling my therapist if I wasn't happy and if I was paying would feel justified, if I could not see a way of working with one, with changing therapist. Being able to build a relationship and feeling relaxed in their presence to feel that you open up is so important. If you leave a session feeling frustrated or angry, it's a signal that something isn't working.

We are awash with Counsellors, some who are not up to much, poorly qualified and without the greatest interpersonal skills. I am sure that they have good intentions, but are at best providing people a chance to talk about themselves for 50 minutes.

I would recommend that people see a Psychotherapist, either CBT or Systemic. CBT doesn't suit everybody, it can be quite directove, no matter what the Government and NHS say. Psychoanalysis can suit some, but frankly who has the time and inclination and money to commit to the approach.

You should be able to see a change in your outlook after a few sessions.

[gerry]

I don't think you can generalise about counsellors, just as one would not generalise about psychotherapists. There are some pretty dodgy psychotherapists out there as there are dodgy GPs, nurses, etc. Anyone seeking counselling needs to be aware of the qualifications of the counsellor, what they mean in terms of the profession, and their years of experience. I also think its a mistake to say that one type of therapy is better than another. As a counsellor I use several different approaches, all of which I have been trained and supervised to use, depending on what works best with my clients.

How do people feel about group counselling and does it exist here?

[ClaireinSE22]

How many counsellors does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the bulbs got to want to change itself.

[Jah Lush]

Good joke and a very good point ClaireinSE22.(tu)

[gerry]

Great joke...just one problem...the lightbulb might not know it needs changing!!! Only the lightbulb can decide.