For you ladies with children...

[kapaxiana]

How soon did you feel like going anywhere after baby #1 was born ? My little one is due July 1st and a friend is getting married on July 23rd...Let's pretend baby does arrive on time or earlier, do you thing that in 20 something days I might feel like going to a wedding or will I just be so exhausted that it's a no no... sorry if my question is a silly, no idea what to expect as a first timer :-)

[Pickle]

Tricky question, but I have been to weddings in the past where there have been Mums with really tiny babies. I think if you're geared up to go you will manage it - really small babies don't do much other than feed and sleep - you will be tired but it may provide a nice bit of relief from life as a new Mum to get dressed up and have a glass of bubbly. Will you be taking the baby with you?

[kapaxiana]

I guess I wont be able to decide until the last minute. The wedding is out of town so I thought we would get a room in a hotel close to the venue (wedding is at 2pm), watch the ceremony, then skip the meal go back to the hotel to spend some time with baby then back for drinks later on. My niece who is 20 will be staying at ours so I thought would ask her to come with us and stay at the hotel/ go for a walk with baby while we are out.

[sophiechristophy]

we went to a wedding with our baby when she was 3 weeks old. it was out of town too and we had a hotel near the venue. i have to say, if it hadn't been a family wedding (and my husband was being the videographer), we would definitely have bailed. Not only will you be tired, you be feeding all the time, changing nappies all the time (I changed our baby in the grave yard of the church before the ceremony, and was breastfeeding her in the church during the vows). Also, depending on your birth, you might not be feeling physically up to it. It is definitely a strain on your body when you would probably feel more comfortable at home. Anyway, like you said, you will know better once your baby is born, I would definitely not promise to go, it will just put pressure on you once the baby has arrived.

[redjam]

My mother had the temerity to hold her 70th birthday party a week after my second baby was due (how DARE she have her birthday then?) and then some very good friends of ours announced they were holding their wedding party that night. So I ended up spending the whole day with my 7-day-old baby in a marquee in Surrey, surrounded by extended family, then the entire evening at a lavish party at the top of the Gherkin, with all my friends cooing over my daughter asleep in her carrycot. I won't say it was ideal as obviously I was tired, but it was fine - I rather enjoyed all the attention and the chance to show off the baby to everyone in one go! However, it was my second child and I do think it would have been much harder first time round as it was all so much harder first time round, both emotionally and physically. So personally I'd have a full and frank discussion with your friend beforehand so that she understands that you'd love to come, but you just can't guarantee that you'll definitely be there, just in case you really can't face it on the day.

If you do go, make sure that:

a) your friend has a word with the venue beforehand about finding you a quiet place where you can breastfeed (assuming you're planning to). In the early days you probably won't want to do it in public as you'll still be getting to grips with it. Take a feeding cushion with you.

b) think about your outfit - I wore a silk wrapover dress that was great for breastfeeding - though unfortunately developed a massively obtrusive milk stain on one boob that could be seen from space.

c) invest in the fiercest pair of control knickers you can find so that everyone goes, 'Wow! Look at you, I can't believe you've just had a baby!' and makes you feel fabulous even though you can't breathe.

Hope you do go and enjoy it - I'm really glad I went to both events and have many happy memories of that day (not the knickers - they went in the bin). Good luck with the birth!

[east-of-the-Rye]

Just a quick thought: In case anyone wondered, (which maybe they wouldn't in ED) breastfeeding in churches is definately o.k. English churches, for all their other faults, have always accepted women with babies and that means feeding them - there's a lovely description in Larkrise to Candleford (Flora Thompson) In the 1880's Flora saw "Clark Tom's young wife suckling her baby. She wore a fur tippet on winter and her breast hung like a white heather bell between the soft blackness until it was covered up with a white handkerchief, 'for modesty'."

[Fuschia]

We had a family event planned in dec for approx 3 weeks after edd of no 4

In the end although he was only 4 days 'late' ( no 1 was 11 days late)I had been in and out of hospital with high blood pressure and felt awful

Luckily it was cancelled

If I were you don't book anything you will lose money on if you cancel!

Takes a month to get normalise ime

[Fuschia]

Ps with child no 1 mr f's twin brother asked him to best man at wedding originally set 5 days after my edd then moved it a week later

Baby born 11,50 pm the night before

Mr missed the wedding ...

[Mellors]

Hard to say, it totally depends on the birth. With No 1 I was 14 days late then in hospital post CS, so wouldn't have made it.

With No 2 I had her at 2.30am and was up making lunch and sitting in the garden the same day, no bother.

I think you need to plan to take the baby round with you on the day - at a few days old they are really too unpredictable re feeding/sleeping/crying to leave with somebody else. If you take a pram with a carry cot you can pop baby in there when they are asleep?

[Saffron]

Mellors Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I think you need to plan to take the baby round

> with you on the day - at a few days old they are

> really too unpredictable re

> feeding/sleeping/crying to leave with somebody

> else. If you take a pram with a carry cot you can

> pop baby in there when they are asleep?

I totally agree with taking the baby with you. Even if the ceremony is 'no children', a newborn in arms is not the same thing as a child running amuck. Also, you may find that you really don't want to leave your baby with anyone else. For the first few weeks or months, you may feel like you want your baby with you all the time.

If you have a good sling, a newborn will happily sleep in it. When I was looking for slings for Little Saff, I saw some very beautiful silk ringslings online. They were all too expensive for me for everyday use, but a wedding would have been a great excuse to buy one!

xx

[pommie]

well i ventured out either the first or second day after getting home from hospital. was only shopping at lakeside tho

[lenster]

I'm due beginning of July and friend's wedding is also 23rd July, but luckily within easy driving distance. I have told friend that whilst I would love to guarantee I could attend, I just won't know til much nearer the time.

She has said it is fine and to come to as much/little of the day that I can and not to worry if can't make it at all. Very kind of her considering how much wedding meals can cost and restrictions on numbers at the venue.

I'll just play it by ear on the day and hopefully at least see the ceremony if nothing else. Good luck!

[Kes]

I was bridesmaid for a good friend when my daughter was 6 weeks old, she was overdue and it had been a very difficult birth ending in a section but it was at a hotel out of town and luckily my frock was ok for feeding in, I was utterly shattered but the little one was very happy in her sling and with all the excitement she slept really well that night so it wasn't too bad - how I looked in the pictures was another matter! *shudder*

We had a family with a 4 week old at our wedding and they managed ok, if anything it's easier when they are really little but as other have said it's really hard to tell until you get to it and if I wasn't bridesmaid I'd probably have chickened out!

K

[Indiana]

My baby was 4 days early (my first) but born by forceps after a long labour. I was in alot of pain/discomfort for quite some time afterwards (probably didn't move much from my bed for a good 10 days) and bled for about 5 weeks or so. I really think it totally depends on the birth and then your recovery and adaptation to being a new mum. I would not have been up to going to a wedding 3 weeks after her birth so I would just decide once your baby has arrived. You may feel ready for it but you may equally be totally exhausted, emotional and still recovering.....

[BeccaL]

I think it also depends on how far away the wedding is and how close you are to this friend. When my daughter was 6 weeks old we went to my best friend's wedding in Somerset - we drove down the night before and stayed in a hotel near the motorway so easy access. Husband ended up taking baby outside church during most of the ceremony so I could stay in there, but I fed her in car before ceremony, then went to friends house nearby for big feed, then went to reception arriving a bit later than others. Fed her during dinner, after which she proceeded to do a huge vomit all down my back and over the floor of the venue, and hence required another feed - as I recall this was just before the speeches started so caused maximum disruption! I didn't see any of the speeches, which is a shame... Thankfully I have a very forgiving friend who was aware that I might not be very attentive during the reception! We drove home after the reception and it was the longest our daughter had ever slept in one go, I think - she went about 6 hours - to the point where we started wondering if we should wake her up for some food - we didn't!

I think if there are others there who will understand if you are not very wedding focused, and the friend whose wedding it is also understands (depends whether there are lots of other babies about - if you're one of the first of your friends to have a baby they will think you are making a massive fuss about nothing!!), and you can get there/to the reception/hotel relatively easily and most importantly, in your own time, then it is possible. Having your niece there is a benefit but at that age, unless your baby is particularly early, you're not that likely to want to leave it with someone else I'd suggest.

[ludoscotts]

hi we had our second baby 4 weeks ago and when he was 2 weeks old we travelled to nottingham for a friends wedding anniversary party. As we wernt sure how we would feel and if we could def go or not we booked a hotel that would let you cancel right up to the day you arrive without loosing your money. That way if we decided on the day that we wernt up to it we wernt going to loose money.

for us it was fine, the next day I was tired but like someone else said it was lovely to get all of that set of friends seeing him in one go and when he was that little.

I only actually saw him for a feed as he spent all night being passed around our friends giving me the chance to be arms free to enjoy talking to my friends.

for me it was lovely to have the chance to dress up and feel human again.

if you go think about cancelable hotels, your clothes make sure you are in something comfy that you can feed easily in.

it would be worth taking the pram if possible as I found ours a godsend as I put the changing mat in there to change his nappies so that I wasnt looking around for places to change him and it means you dont have to worry about taking a travel cot etc.

see how you feel but I am so glad I went.

and good luck with the birth, leanne

[Ruth_Baldock]

Personally, going to an all-day event, not near my home, when my son was 3 weeks old, or so, wouldn't have even entered my mind. When he was 2wks old, we went out to a formal dinner (baby in pram pre-approved by hosts) and it was EXHAUSTING. But, he was going through a growth spurt (feeding every 90 minutes) and also screaming a lot because he were still resisting giving him a dummy. A week later, he was a totally different baby and it would have been easier.

So, I'd play it by ear!