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Ketchup

RosieH

By RosieH
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maxxi

maxxi

Posted
Posted

Laddy Muck Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Ted...Nette has slightly parted her nets for

> you...so stop poncing about and get up that pelmet

> before she changes her mind.



Using that word is just not acceptable LM we've been over this before...


It's not pelmet it's valance or, if absolutely necessary, cornice board.

Ted Max

Ted Max

Posted
Posted

Forced out of retirement by a pathetic annuity, he'd found a job servicing obsolete agricultural machinery. No more farmhouse chats, though, these days. Instead, the gang masters of East Yorks and Lincs were his patch. Always the A road, always a room, always the same raised faces asking him for escape.


In the morning, a maid, not much younger than him. She sees the shoes by the wardrobe, the empty half-bottle of whisky on the counterpane. She sees the hotel stationery put to its first ever use: one envelope, propped up against the miniature kettle. "For Margaret".


She picks up the room phone and dials the head of housekeeping.


She sits on the bed and waits. Only then does she notice the ketchup stain on the torn net curtains. She understands, for the first time, that she hates this country.

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

Ketchup is superb on steak. If you get all fidgety about it, just order catsup.


Ketchup on its own on a bacon sandwich is just all out plain ridiculous - a bacon sandwich requires HP sauce, nothing more.


Unless you've run out of HP, in which case the first side of bread should be given a reasonable schmear of Colmans English Mustard and the second a layer of Heinz Tomato Ketchup.

It aint HP but it'll get you there.


Though I'm prepared to sometimes forego HP whenever I can source the Branston Dill Relish (available occaisionally from a 99p Shop near you), a few leaves of water cress and you have a salty-sweet-peppery treat that's hard to beat.


Though The Branston Dill aint a patch on the Bicks Cucumber Relish, not at all, still that's gone the way of smoking in pubs.


So, there we are.

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