Darling, your socks are in the freezer... and other things you thought you'd never say!

[Saffron]

Darling, your socks are in the freezer... and other things you thought you'd never say... Like, Get that bog brush out of your mouth. Or, Sudocrem is not for breakfast.

Following on from having a whinge-free day, perhaps we can all share a few unusual anecdotes about parenthood? No matter how young/old your children are, or what parenting style you follow, we've all surely found ourselves doing/saying things we never could have imagined.

While recently 'helping' me to put away laundry, Little Saff put a pair of her Daddy's socks in the freezer drawer. I was too busy at the time to get them out again. Later when my husband asked where his socks were, I had to confess that they were in the freezer!

[mockney piers]

I never suspected that quite so many conversations would revolve around pooh, it's various qualities, consistency and regularity!!

[Ruth_Baldock]

"have you been sick on this iPhone?" was a rather choice phrase. Today we've had variations of "no we do NOT slap sleeping sister babies!" etc

[Sally81]

"Get this boob in your mouth please,now."

[Polly D]

"Mummies don't have willies darling"

[Saffron]

I just found several 1p and 2p coins the in freezer drawer. This seems to be a favourite place for Little Saff. I think I'll know where to look if my credit cards ever go missing.

[Moos]

I'm blushing writing this, but:-

"Noooo, don't lick the cat's bottom!"

[ladywotlunches]

I'm so glad I'm reading this while having lunch :)

[dullified]

Not what I would say but what I?m forced to wear (the other sunhat from his Next two pack). He has the blue star version, I get the (I feel slightly inferior) green ?Mummy where is your hat?? ?But I?m driving/in the supermarket ? do I really have to wear it?? ?MUMMY HAT ON!?

I don?t mind looking like a fool in my own house to please a 2 year old ? ?Mummy beard! Mummy beard!? (my white foam bubble bath beard he likes me to don every evening) it?s just in public I feel a tiny bit silly.

Edited to say: I try and stand firm whenever he requests me to wear a bib.

[ryedalema]

Very embarrassed/ashamed/cross that I had to say this this morning:

'do not spit on my dress!'

Big C was straight in the naughty corner for that one this morning! Grrrrr.

[Saffron]

At least it wasn't, 'Do not sh1t on my dress!' (Let's not temp fate!!)

[Belle]

Today 'Don't put toys in your poo!' (closely followed by the retort: 'don't throw toys mummy!' after I'd flung the toy out of the way of the poo.)

[new mother]

Dullified, hilarious. I feel for you, especially as you don't feel green is quite you.

My tyrants continue to instruct along similar lines....but generally demanding physical like "be a horse" etc.

[mrs f]

Just resuscitating this after a funny bath time where the phrases 'no, get you face out of the sh*t darling' (LO span round so fast his nappy was still on the mat) and 'ohhh mummy doesn't really like being wee-ed on' (as LO stands naked on me to be able to peer over side of bath to watch the water fill) were used much to both our amusement!

[helena handbasket]

Small boy: "Mummy, I have a treat for you".

Me, glowing with gratitude: "Really? What is it?" I say with a big grin.

Small boy: "It's in the toilet! It's a giant poo!" laughs hysterically. "And I didn't wipe my bum!" More laughter.

Me, deflated but always happy to see the boy laugh: "Thank you! I've always wanted a giant poo, and I love scrubbing undies!"

So this is what it's come to. Maybe parenthood really IS all $hits and giggles?

[malleymoo]

To my lo several years back though the horror hasnt faded....."Yes you are absolutley right that poo does look exactly like a snail"