Good for Nanny, Bad for Mummy

[Lochie]

I am sure this is a common problem, I was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to deal with a toddler who is a little prince for our 1 day a week nanny, and then a total nightmare for Mum. For nanny he will do all the stuff he won't do for me.... Sit at highchair without complaint and eat ALL food without quibble, sit and play with toys nicely, say please/thank you. He turns into Jekyll when i come home and our nanny is pretty much the only one he will obey, even when I replicate what she does. It's so tiring and i am wondering what the psychology is behind it since I'd quite like to sort it out as child 2 due early next year. Or is this just the start of the terrible twos (ughhh)?

[Ruth_Baldock]

At nursery/cr?che/ with my MIL, my son is like this. I had to actually take him to my MILs to eat once after he refused to eat (for me) for four days.

In conclusion, toddlerboys are little cheeky buggers. There is no rhyme or reason :/

[srisky]

Smart boys!

Take heart, your sons clearly know how to behave well :)

[poppy]

I think it's because they love you!! I know, funny way of showing it, but I think your toddler knows he can play up with you and push the boundaries because he is secure in the knowledge that you won't abandon him and, as his mother, your love is totally unconditional. He can't be so sure of this with other carers. But srisky is right, the important thing is that they CAN behave well. I think as toddlers, pushing the boundaries is all part of learning what they can and can't / aren't allowed to do - infuriating for us parents though!!

[chantelle]

my only advice is don't tolerate the bad behaviour and draw the lines as firmly as nanny. I adopted my nanny's catchphrases ("stop that nonsense") and will ask him - what would (nanny) think of that behaviour? Sounds like you are already trying to replicate - be consistent and don't back down! He will catch on that he can't get away with it.

[new mother]

Security! It is an indirect compliment. Tougher carers don't inspire total confidence and security. Good mummies do. :-)

[Lochie]

Thanks for comments. I've got a bit stricter now and try and replicate fimness of nanny - will not budge! Be interesting to see how he reacts to nursery when he starts in a few weeks. guess it's all growing pains.

[Moos]

Agree with all he posts. To be honest, I think all babies and toddlers act up more with their mothers. I try to think of it this way: every time they start to cry and strop because you've just walked in, every time they have a fit and won't eat what you lovingly prepared (though it's identical to Granny's), every time they decide to be sick on your cleavage and yours alone, they're saying "I trust you, Mummy. I know that no matter how foul I am you will love me anyway".

Little blighters.

[Lochie]

That's really lovely moos :-)

[anna_r]

Lochie - your goddaughter will not eat food I make for her, even if it is identical (same batch!) to the food eaten perfectly with nanny the day before. Drives me bonkers!!!

[goldielab]

Funny but I was discussing similar thing with my mum (who was a primary school teacher then Head for 45 years) and she has told me that children do not choose to push boundaries at school/nursery - and I suppose with childminders - they do it at home with parents!

Hopefully Lochie toddler starts appreciating his Mummy soon.

S

[Belle]

I am always stunned when I pick up my son from nursery and witness him sitting on a chair eating fruit (no harness! no high chair!) without running off, or sitting down to listen to a story - NEVER happens for me. He still has strops there of course but I think is more likely to listen when he's reprimanded. Find with grandparents it's half and half - def better behaved than with me but after a while he'll start to test them.

[crystal7]

Lovely post Moos! I always text my childminder when I'm 10 minutes away so she can get E into coat, shoes and buggy- she just tantrums if I try (doesn't want to leave...). I arrived early the other day and waited in the living room while the children finished their dinner. I could hear E saying please and thank you being asked to finish her pasta and complying...sigh..

[cuppa tea]

Yes I think it's to do with security too. He's more secure with you and can let out all the stress and test pushing boundaries knowing that you love him. Sweet really...if a bit annoying! He's probably used up all his 'good behaviour' quota on the nanny! Who can be good all the time anyway?!

[jenc]

I can't help with the reasons but I'm just glad to hear that other people's toddler boys behave like mine! Although mine won't eat anything better for the childminder than for me. But he certainly seems to behave better for her. Little monkeys.