Help- its now 3 weeks of messy knickers for my potty trained 3yr old girl!

[vanthorne]

I thought long and hard about starting a thread in here...not wanting to 'go public' with our current troubles...but I thought it was time to 'ask the edf' for some helpful advice and reassurance....

So my little girl (3 at end Nov) potty trained really well and easily back at the beginning of summer (early July)..barely an accident...

Now as of 3 weeks ago..every single pooh has been in her knickers!! She does her wee's in the toilet and can even take herself but I just can't understand why she is standing there and poohing in her pants??

We've tried sticker charts etc...saying she will get a sticker if she does them correctly...but that doesn't seem to have worked as she hasn't earnt one sticker yet..

There is a bit of sibling rivaly between her older sister (4.5years) and her...so we think this might be an attention grabbing gesture...we do try and give her as much 1-1 as possible.

We've sat her down and had chats with her and she agrees each day that she will ask an adult for help with the toilet and come get us (or nursery staff...3 days per week- only half days and not one pooh in nursery yet..she saves them for us)...

Has this happended to anyone before? When will it stop...its been at least 3 weeks now. What do you think we should perhaps do differently?

Happy if you want to discuss on pm...as realise we might not all want to go public about this kind of topic...

Thanks in advance fellow forumites for any helpful (and kind) advice you might like to offer.

[ludoscotts]

hi our little girl didnt like pooing in the toilet. She didnt mind weeing in the toilet but pooing freaked her out to the point that she would hang on and hang on then have an accident.

We got round it by getting her a potty chair that she could take herself off to. she didnt mind doing a poo in there and would still use the toilet for wee's. After a couple of months she either grew out of it of got over it but she started using the toilet for everything and we were able to take the chair away.

dont know if its the same with your little girl but might be worth a try.

[vanthorne]

Wonder what a potty chair is? Maybe I can get them from mothercare?

I do have a toilet training seat that she was sitting happily on, reading books etc and doing all her poohs quite happily... (it sits under the normal toilet seat to support them).

This is the bizarre thing...it was all going so well...poo and wee in all the right places...the odd thing is that it timed with my husband going away on business...I wonder if that had anything to do with it...hasn't been the same since...and he was only away a week...just a thought.

If you have any more info on that 'potty chair' that would be great...she might quite like the novelty and specialness of it...ie something that her sister doesn't have ..that she can call her own to use...even if it is just a potty chair..

Many thanks

[ludoscotts]

hi yes the potty chair was from mothercare link to potty chair

if you wanted to borrow ours for a few months send me a pm, got another little one who will need it eventually but not in use at the min.

[anna_r]

Does she usually poop at a certain time of the day? It took a bit longer for our daughter to get her poos on the toilet as well as wees and she would usually do them after her nap. So we left her without knickers on at that time and she started asking to use the toilet when she needed a poo. It could backfire but worked for us...perhaps its the sense of having something to catch it that feels like a nappy?

[Fuschia]

Have not had the problem of getting a child toilet trained then they start to soil, but one of our twins was such a reluctant toilet trainer .... While one did it herself very soon after she was 2 the other only started to wee in the loo at 3y 4m when I got on to it like a military operation

And poos were just impossible

At first he carried on pooing first thing every morning before his might time nappy came off

But then, disaster, the week he started school he decided to poo in his pants midmorning every day ...they were not impressed and it was very worrying even though my approach is usually just to be patient

We were doing the usual stuff (rewards, reminding him, sitting him on at the usual time)

He wasn't constipated which is often the cause - http://www.eric.org.uk/Constipation/information_constipation_parents

Excellent site that re toilet issues and children

Dp tried sitting him on the potty most of the day watching tv, he wS sure I hadn't been trying hard enough I think, but even under daddy's tutelage there was no success

Anyway, after about 5 weeks of pooey pants suddenly he pooed in the toilet!

[Fuschia]

And even though he is easily distracted And often has accidents if not reminded, he is at least doing one poo on the toilet each day and no more accidents at school

I would probably rule out a physical cause, maybe see the gp, then put it down to the emotional upset of her dad being away and just try to be patient for a bit longer

There is a specialist clinic the gp could refer you to if it didnt resolve, if that reassures you

I have read using the big toilet can make it hard to 'push' for them

Maybe by holding on she has upset her own routine A bit Nd now it's harder to poo when expected

[Fuschia]

The other thing might be to keep your home routine very simple for a while if you think your partner bring away started it off ... No babysitters or sleepovers or anything unusual

Perhaps have a couple of duvet day weekends and lots of extra cuddles from you both

Share a bath

That sort of thing

[vanthorne]

Thanks fuschia, all good advice and heartening to hear it's not been an easy road for others.

There does seem to bs a timing of after breakfast and tea when it happens so will try and get her settled on the potty then with some good books.

Thanks also to the other forumite re potty chair borrowing - might be worth a try - will pm you.

It was all so much easier in summer to run around with dress and no knickers and sooo much wet washing hanging around at the minute...

Will see how today goes and will check the website you mentioned as well for advice. She doesn't seem to be feeling much remorse for doing the mess either - as she loves her baths and perhaps sees it as another chance for a splash...

Thanks again.

[Fuschia]

Thing is, it's unlikely to be a situation where disapproval/punishment/remorse will

Be a help

However messy and frustrating it is ...

Underneath she probably wants to be reassured you love her anyway ... I found when my son was doing it everybody else was dealing with him

In a sort of 'cheerful through gritted teeth' sort of way while he says in a little sad voice 'I did it by n'accident'

He was very aware it was disapproved of but he just hadn't got the skill yet

I said to him, you're still learning how to

Do it, you will get it soon

Perhaps say to your daughter, quite openly and honestly ... We don't know why you are pooing in your pants and it's hard not to get a bit cross but you know we love you and we are going to do some teamwork to get those poos in the loo

Maybe make up a little ditty to say together as a reminder

'I wanna do my poo- oo -oo

In that big white loo-oo-oo

'

Sort of thing

My little princess has a book where she keeps weeing in the wrong place, iirc

See if you can find one about poos?

Or make up a character who poos in the wrong place?

Do we poo in the fridge?

No!

Do we poo on the lampshade?

No!

Hsve you got any of the series

'how do dinosaurs eat their food'

I use the chorus from that quite a lot with mine, getting sillier snd sillier ... They love thd idea of being 'in' on a set of complicated grown up rules

[Fuschia]

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/mentalhealthandgrowingup/soilingorwetting.aspx

This agrees emotional

Upset is prob the cause

[Fuschia]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Want-My-Potty-Little-Princess/dp/086264965X/ref=sr_1_24?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320481550&sr=1-24

Nice book though her accidents are all wees (you could colour the puddles Brown I guess!!!)

Elizabeth pAntley also has a toilet training book I think

[Fuschia]

Ep's advice - http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Health-and-Development/-/0-to-4-years/Elizabeth-Pantleys-Potty-Training-Tips-part-three-.aspx

[StFaiths]

Try putting toilet paper in the loo my daughter didn't like the splash that sometimes hit her bottom. Took us weeks to work this one out but it worked like a dream cost us a bit more in loo roll though but saved on the washing powder.

[happydulwich]

My piece of advice would be a toddler seat that you put on the toilet, our two year girl, loves the toilet, reason being, we have lights that change colour. She will sit there and complete your duties whilst saying all the colours.

All the best

[vanthorne]

More great advice - thanks guys.

A minor success this morning...with half a poo in the loo (first half on the floor...apologies for the visuals...)...she seemed to stop herself and seemed quite shocked that she was doing it...luckily I noticed and wizzed her up to the loo.

Lots of praise for the 2nd half going in the loo so maybe a corner turned. Still odd that she doesn't know its coming (and she did back in July when we trained) ...almost as if the sensation has been partially lost...she needs to be retrained in some way.

She was quite happy reading on the loo, on her fifi toilet seat for the 2nd half which was great.

Don't think we are 'out of the woods' yet on this one (what with the mess on the floor this am)...so everyone's words are very encouraging.

Many thanks.

[pancakes]

I'm a nanny and a little girl I used to look after did exactly the same as your little girl. She was probably 3 or 4 months younger at the time but had been using the loo for everything and then started doing poos in her knickers. We found that sometimes she was unaware that it had happened - she was so busy playing and having fun that it didn't seem to bother her that she had poo in her knickers!! After handling with kid gloves, getting cross, ignoring and just changing her, and all failed to make a difference we went down the smartie reward route. She was definitely reward driven and an instant chocolate was a good way to go. We also bought new knickers with her favourite character on them. She could pick a pair to wear in the morning but if she had an accident in them then she had to choose an old pair to wear and we made a huge deal of 'peppa' or whoever it may be being very sad about being poo'd on! We also asked every half hour or so if she needed a poo and reminded her of a smartie and not upseting 'peppa'. After a week or so she seemed to really get the hang of it again and everything settled down. Hopefully your little one will get back on track soon. Good luck!!

[cuppa tea]

I think it's quite common for kids to go back and forth with hits in the toilet, so to speak. I know mine did. There are so many reasons for regression with it. I would definitely think in terms of months rather than weeks for sorting toilet issues out. The way we tackled it with my son, (slightly different to your situation, and possibly contrary to popular advice, but thought I would share anyway), was to take ALL pressure off him. He was about 3.5 when we started and I can't even remember really talking much to him about it, just that we had nice pants for him to wear instead of nappies. We left potties in various places around the house and said no more about it. We didn't ask him to sit on them, or praise him when did, if he had an accident I absolutely did my best not to react at all (sometimes very challenging!) and just changed him into clean clothes. It wasn't the quickest way of doing it, but it was relatively stress free. Honestly, I think kids will potty train when they are ready and probably without much, if any, intervention from adults. They want to emulate big people after all. I remember my son at 18 months being totally obsessed with watching me and my husband go to the toilet!! I would ride out the messes, don't worry, take the pressure off and trust.