Other Parents Telling your Child off

[pincushionqueen]

As a teacher (with lots of experience in the Foundation Stage) I know that part of the job is sorting out differences between parents. The ballet teacher should have dealt with the situation, you should not be moving class because of the outrageous behaviour of one parent. She should have spoken to the parent after that class. It annoys me when people say that you can't teach when children are messing about. Children mess about, pushing the boundaries and having fun doing it are all part of child development. Having good behaviour management skills and strategies to keep children on task is an essential part of being a teacher. Your child should keep doing what she enjoys, perhaps work with the teacher and develop some kind of treat/job for your daughter to have/do (even something small like helping put out or collect equipment). I hope this gets resolved for you soon.

[susyp]

well i think the point i was making was that the teacher was not keeping the class flowing enough - we do a couple of other classes and my daughter concentrates well. I have just sent the ballet school head a ten point list of why the teacher is hopeless (and threatened to post it on netmums) and she has refunded me the full term.

I must be mad, but I don't want my daughter to have to stop doing ballet because of one bad experience (fair enough if she doesn;t like it but i really don't think that's the problem), so we are trying another class tomorrow, which by the sound of it is less about "ballet" and more about "magical dancing" (run by a ballet teacher who is also a former nanny!) which sounds more fun. And then come easter I may be able to drop it without my daughter feeling that she has done wrong.... As I did make a big deal if it, it is only in retrospect that I realised she had just been a bit bored and not naughty at all - it was just everyone elses reaction that made me feel that - so I am really ashamed of myself - learning curve again!

Would ideally like to have summer free of classes to play outside - but I can't bear going to the playground in this weather. We don't do anything after school and have two mornings a week completely free aside from the occasional playdate (and quite chilled out weekends) so I'm hoping I'm not doing the "overscheduling" thing. We've always done loads, I couldn't bear to be a SAHM and literally stay at home all day. And afternoon nursery rather curtails nice days out.

Susypx

ps I've read The Slap. Brilliant book. And I really hope I am nothing like that little boys parents!

[Marie81]

Good Luck for the class tomorrow, I hope your daughter enjoys it. It does sound more fun, sometimes it takes trying a few different classes out to find the one she enjoys the most. Plus you won't have any horrible parents to deal with...hopefully :))

[Otta]

I think a real issue is that some parents who send their 3 year olds to ballet classes actually expect them to be doing serious ballet, rather than being 3 year olds and having fun, which is what 3 year olds should basically be doing.

Frankly, I wouldn't want my daughter at a class where she was expected to behave beautifully.

[pincushionqueen]

Well said Otta :)

[bluesuperted]

I was just about to say well said pincushionqueen... And Otta well said too!

It's all linking back to 'do you want an obedient child at the cost of everything else?' thread. Against evidence that children develop at different rates and should be accommodated, especially at 3; like someone else said (can't see now on my phone) it's quite nuanced to understand that dancing with mummy or sisters/brothers in the kitchen and grinning inanely is not quite how it's done in a ballet class... Realistic, evidence-based expectations of preschoolers' abilities are vital for all such classes.

[dulwichgirl2]

Madmum, thank you for that quite extraordinary vignette. I could feel the tension rising as it continued. I expected someone to throw a pot of paint over the teacher at some stage. I especially loved the bit about the ballet teacher standing in first position the entire time. Of course she did and would! A perfect character detail. Whartonesque.

[minder]

You say your daughter loves gymnastics (45 mins) but not so much the ballet (30 mins). Maybe she likes the rough and tumble of gymnastics but not the slower pace of ballet? So maybe she isn't ready for this yet.

I do feel for the teacher though, as 30 mins isn't a long time for a 3 and a half year old to take instructions? It's different in a nursery as the teacher has 2/3 hours a day to sort this out.

Sorry, but I'm just thinking back to when my own 3 were that age. I would have been mortified and would have gone into the class and taken them out.

I don't agree with other parents shouting at your child.

[SR]

i thought you were upset with the other mum's unnecessary shouting. I feel a bit sorry for the teacher, she could lose her job if you are complaining to her boss, was she really that bad.

[Kath243]

I am also beginning to feel a little sorry for the teacher. I hope you don't follow through with your threat to post your letter of complaint on-line. I think that what happened was unfortunate, but to pursue some sort of vendetta against the teacher would be an over reaction. Your decision to find a new, more suitable class for your daughter sounds very sensible.

[susyp]

just got back from the other class we tried which was entirely charming and wonderful, teacher and children smiled all the way through and was full of lovely stories, and wands etc!

Unfortunately the timings meant my daughter eating her lunch in the car and literally being thrown in the school gate so I don;t think it's going to work out timewise, poor love was shattered. I suggested we do "ballet mornings" at home based on the class today and she seemed quite up for that. Hoping the one today has expunged the memories from Wednesday a little - she was brilliant, and it was longer - 40 mins rather than 30. Interestingly taught by a former nanny - and the children could wear any costume they wanted so was really quite a lovely sight. No ballet mums in sight either - just normal people!

Susypx