Support for partners of people quitting smoking

[Saffron]

Does anyone have a partner who is quitting smoking? I've never been a smoker. Hubbie has smoked since he was knee high to an ant. He's quit a few times in the past. This is his 2nd try since we had our daughter 2+ years ago. I'm finding it really stressful. Just wondered if anyone else had been in the same situation and how you coped?

[theasidonio]

What is he using to quit out of interest?

My other half quit two years ago using Champix. He was a 30-40 a day smoker and was intolerable for the first 3 weeks -being in a bad mood or just generally complaining.

Having quit myself 5 years ago I was able to empathise with him but nonetheless found his mood swings hard work.

Make a list of all the odd-jobs you've been meaning to sort and get him to focus on one of those things if he has had a particularly bad day - I found my OH needed to keep himself (in particular his hands) busy! I also found having a few packs of sugar free mints lying around for him was pretty handy!

[Saffron]

He is also using Champix. He was not a heavy smoker, but he had been smoking from a very early age... about 10 years old! Naughty little sausage used to steal cigarettes off his older brother.

Yes, it's his bad moods / mood swings that are really difficult, esp'y in the evenings when everything seems to pile up on me: dinner, dishes, toddler bath & bed time, and general tiredness. I'm not good at taking the brunt of a bad mood. I tend to be quite reactionary which doesn't help. (Plus he's normally such a chilled and nice person, I have trouble reconciling it all in my head. It's like Jekyll and Hyde round here now.)

I think the best thing would be if I could leave the house for a while in the evening, but that is not so easy with a toddler in tow! I may need totally to rethink our evening routines.

[Gooders79]

My partner finds the electronic cigarettes very helpful...

[Mrs TP]

Just keep away from him and let him get on with it. You busy yourself with the tasks not him, he's got enough on his plate. My hubbie quit 5yrs ago properly after endless attempts. Was on 30 to 40 a day and none of his friends thought he could do it but he did. He was unbelievably moody whilst going through it and I just kept taking deep breaths, not rising to anything and thinking would it ever end and it did and he was eventually restored to his laid back self.

It is tough in the evenings, we were both working full time with two wee ones but your support in not rising to his moods will be really helpful to him. He will know he is not being rational.

Good luck to both of you.

[Sonners]

Has he tried reading Allan Carr's book on giving up smoking? I found it a bit patronising but it definitely helped me go from 20 a day for 10 years to having none without any bad side effects/mood swings or replacement therapies. It was like a shift in thinking, which was pretty peculiar but also effective. Worth a go!

[apenn]

When my Mom quite smoking my Dad used to take us out for ice cream a lot! But we lived in suburbia and had a car and Carvel was open late . . .

I recall the mood swings lasting about a month. Good luck and hang in there!

[buggie]

Just been on hols & a couple of our friends had quit but were using the electronic cigarettes, gave them the nicotine without any of the other crap & interestingly they found they'd only need one or two puffs to head off the craving (unlike having to have a whole cigarette as not wanting to "waste" any).

[Saffron]

He's gone totally nicotine free with the Champix route. He hasn't had a cigarette in about 5 weeks, which is fab. It's mainly as Mrs TP and theasidonio say, the bad moods are an issue. He says the evening Champix gives him insomnia, but the nurse only said take Nytol which doesn't do much. I feel like he should go back and talk to a GP about it. I think a short course of Ambien (zolpidem) would make a big difference. As it is now, he doesn't sleep well, has a hard day a work, and is in a profoundly bad mood most evenings. It's starting to affect me and Little Saff, which isn't fair or right. Wondered if anyone else had sleep issues with Champix?

[theasidonio]

Yes, my other half had really bad nightmares with Champix but peservered and it paid off! also had really bad rash on his forearms for a couple of weeks!

[theasidonio]

How did your partner get on in the end, Saffron?

[Saffron]

Well he's still smoke-free, so that's a good result. I think there is probably a long way to go to change the psychological side of things. When he's feeling grumbly he can't just go sit on the back step and have a smoke anymore! Plus during all the time he spent being moody on his nicotine detox, it seems to me that he got used to me doing everything around the house while he sat on the sofa being moldy in the evening (dinner, toddler, cleaning, organising, bathtime, bedtime etc)!! Now I'm starting full time work, so I can't do everything in the evening anymore. I think he's finding it all very difficult. ...it's enough to make a man want to take up smoking!

But seriously, it's great that he quit, and Champix was very effective.

[Saffron]

So, just when I thought we'd turned a corner at 6 months, DH has started smoking again, complete with nicotine-induced mood swings and denial. Great. I have no idea what to do, and I'm rapidly running out of sympathy. Grrr.

[EGL]

My other half is using an electronic cigarette which has been a bit of a revelation. He has smoked for years and tried to quit many times. This really seems to be working. Of course, it's still giving him nicotine, but that's a damn site better than sucking all that tar into his lungs on a daily basis. Also means there have been no mood swings. One step at a time. PM me if you want more details. It's a particular brand of e-cigarette and it's not the cheapest one, but has so far been well worth it.

[Saffron]

Thanks, EGL, I will mention it to him. The champix was very effective for quitting physically, but it's a psychological relapse at this point. Getting over the physical addiction wasn't so hard for him it seems. It's falling back into old habits that seems to be most troublesome.