TV Comedy Series One Liner Insults

[Ridgley]

There does not seem to be any good comedy series lately, and I was thinking of the past comedy that has been on TV over the past few years.

I tend to like a good comedy when it has great one liners my favourite was Blackadder II especially when Edmund Blackadder, Rowan Atkinson says to the unremittingly dim Lord Percy: ?The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn?t he, Perce??

[Dopamine1979]

Edmund: Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed man-eating haddock fish-beast of Aberdeen.

Baldrick: In what way?

Edmund: It doesn't exist.

[the-e-dealer]

Hurry up or you will be late.

What do you mean

Late as in the "Late Arthur Dent"

[jumpinjackflash]

Only Fools & Horses..

Trigger: ?This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles?

[the-e-dealer]

Its rather like being Drunk.

That sounds fine.

You ask a glass of water!

HHGTTG

[Ridgley]

Great stuff:)

[El Pibe]

Not quite a one liner but the build up and pay off to the final line....

Brian: What are you playing?

Tim: Tomb Raider 3.

Brian: She's drowning.

Tim: Yeah.

Brian: Is that the point of the game?

Tim: Depends what mood you're in really.

Brian: What sort of mood are you in then?

Tim: Well, I got a letter from my ex-girlfriend this morning, 3 months too late, explaining why she dumped me. It was full of 'you'll always be special' and 'I'll always love you' platitudes designed to make me feel better whilst simultaneously appeasing her deep seated sense of guilt for dumping me, running off with a slimy little city boy called Duane and destroying my faith in everything which is good and pure.

Brian: So it didn't really work then.

Tim: No, it made me wanna drown things! [turns around, sees Brian dressed as a painting] You've got paint on you.

Brian: It's a literal tribute to the self reflexivity of Rembrandt.

Tim: Did he like it?

Brian: He's dead.

Tim: Bloody hell, that really backfired.

[Help-Ma-Boab]

"He's got two O-levels and he thinks he's Bamber Gasgoines vest"

Del-boy about Rodney - Only Fools & Horses

[Loz]

"One more facelift on this one and she?ll have a beard"

- Ab Fab

I'd also put forward the entire "History Today" sketches from Newman & Baddiel. Brilliantly funny.

[jacks09]

The thick of It starts again on Saturday. Most brilliantly written swear words you will ever see

[jacks09]

Malcolm Tucker: How much fucking shit is there on the menu and what fucking flavour is it?

Glenn Cullen: It is, as my dear old mother would have said, double wank and shit chips

Hugh: That was quite funny.

Glenn: I didn't think it was funny.

Hugh: I'm an elected representative of the people. It was funny

Peter: Well, I don't know, am I? Because I get people stopping me in the street and saying "Are you still for locking up yobbos?" and I say "Yeah, of course we are!" and then I think 'Are we?' because maybe I missed a memo from you. Maybe I should understand yobbos, or not even call them yobbos. Call them young men with issues around stabbing

Ollie: Malcolm, you're bullying me and... y'know...

Malcolm Tucker: How dare you. How dare you! Don't ever ever call me a bully. I'm so much worse than that.

Jamie: You take the piss out of Jolson again, and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano sheath and push it up your cock! And then I'll plug some speakers up your arse and put it on shuffle with my fucking fist! And every time I hear something that I don't like, which will be every time that something comes on, I will skip to the next track by crushing YOUR balls!

[Ridgley]

Ebenezer Blackadder: I would explain, my dear, but I fear that you wouldn't understand - blessed as you are with a head that is emptier than a hermit's address book!:)

[the-e-dealer]

Drink Girlz Booze Fags.

[northlondoner]

"You're as much use as a croissant as a dildo" - Veep

"You must be one of Selena's gay dwarves" - Veep

" I could stab you in the neck for hours and still not feel tired" - Veep

"I've sweated, I've strained I've pushed. But I STILL can't give a shit what you think." Uhhh Veep again.

[DirtyBox]

- that's a honey fly...see, you grab it there and squeeze and get a little drink out of it...go on give it a go! (in an Australian accent)

- grab it there and squeeze?.....euurgh! thats's f****ng disgusting!

- oh sorry mate, my mistake...that's a shit fly

[SCSB79]

jumpinjackflash Wrote:

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> Only Fools & Horses..

>

> Trigger: ?This old broom has had 17 new heads and

> 14 new handles?

I think you missed the "insults" bit of the thread title.