At what age should your children fly the nest?

[TillieTrotter]

Discuss please.

[bishop]

Depends on the child/family. My parents asked me several times a

week when I was 16ish when I'd be "finding a place..." as that is what they did. This was the summer between my GCSEs and A-Levels starting. Yeah, thanks.

When I moved out for good, they made sure I knew I was welcome back for visits ONLY.

My OH's parents on the other hand, have what I think of as an "open door policy". Never had any expectations of when they're kids would/should leave home and their children know they could move back any time, if needs be.

I hope mine never leave, but hope they sleep through sometime in the next 25-30 years.

[Otta]

I couldn't wait to get away from home and away from London at 18. Nothing against home, but I wanted to go and live a bit.

[Townleygreen]

My 3 left at 18/19 for uni, and two of them came back after uni for 2/3 years, and then "bomeranged" (spelling?) back for another year when rental arrangements/relationships died. Our youngest came back briefly after uni, and has been away since.

Personally, I am happy if they want to come back for a year or two!

[pebbles]

We all left home at 18 to go to uni but then returned afterwards (when we paid rent - not normal rent but enough to know we weren't having a free ride). The 3 of us then probably all left at about 24. However all to return at some point with wives/husbands/kids when we were finding somewhere to rent, buying a place and waiting for it to go through or doing a place up. I can't thank my mother enough for being so hospitable..... UNTIL now. She's currently homeless (has sold up in Herne Hill and waiting for place to go through) so she's living with us and although I love her to pieces suddenly being an adult with a family and having your mother living with you is a little bit difficult.

So note to everyone, don't use parents as a hotel unless you are prepared to repay at some point

[oimissus]

my parents pretty much cleared my room out when I left for uni, whereas Mr Oi's parents gave would send him money to come home at the weekends for YEARS, and kept his room exactly as it was! (only his though, not any of his 3 siblings, oddly.) But he didn't actually live at home past 18.

I don't really know with regard to Miss Oi. I would hope that she'd want to experience living away from home with friends (and I would really rather she wasn't at home for uni, should she go), but I don't think I'd actively show her the door! Everything is so much more expensive for young people these days. She's also a one-and-only, and we're older parents, so that will probably make a difference too.

Who knows? She's only 2!

[oimissus]

xpost with Pebbles - my parents definitely didn't let us use the house as a hotel - and equally my mum would HATE to live with either my sister or me - happy to see us and the grandkids, but to live with - nooooooo!

never the most maternal, my mum ;)

[Lochie]

I'm studying at the moment and my tutor told me this week that babies born this year will be predicted to live at home until 32, pay off student debt at 52 and have a life expectancy of 90 with one in three living til 100. Not sure where she got her stats but if true quite sobering stuff!!

[Pickle]

I left home at 19 to move into a student flat in my 2nd year of uni (in NZ). When I broke off an engagement (aged 23, what was I THINKING?!) I moved home, but hated it so much that after 4 days I moved back into the flat I had shared with my ex-partner and we both lived there for a month or so while we sorted out other options.

My sister (10 years younger than me, and the you gets of 3) seems to have moved home at every opportunity and I think would quite happily live there forever, although she has just purchased her first house so perhaps this is her moving out for good.

My little boy burst into tears a few months ago, saying he didn't want to live in his own house, having had a discussion with my Mum about the fact that you leave home once you are grown up. I've reassured him that 6 isn't grown up ;-)

I think there's a real cultural difference here compared to NZ, driven mainly by rental and house prices in the uk, but it does seem a lot more "normal" here for people to move back home after uni, which doesn't (or didn't when I was there) happen so much in NZ.

[Pickle]

Sorry, after all my waffling, personally I think around 19/20ish depending on what they do after they finish school. Meaning Mr Pickle and I will be close to 60, scary!

[bluesuperted]

Haha Pickle, I was engaged at 25, didn't think that was particularly child-bride-esque although amongst the first of my friends (married at 27 and a bit)! We did get together at 18 though...

[Otta]

I was engaged at 19. Thank Christ (for both of our sakes) that didn't work out!

[juno]

Me and most of my friends followed a similar pattern - moved away to uni at 18, came back in the holidays and briefly once finished then got rented places with friends....seemed like a nice natural progression....

Anyways. These days 3.5 is the new 18, right? He certainly acts like a teenager....

[Pickle]

Bluesuperted, engaged at 25 is fine!

I got engaged at 19, having met him a year earlier in my 1st year at uni. We finally accepted that at 23 given we both kept avoiding having a conversation about marriage, it wasn't going anywhere. Probably the biggest regret I have in life, as it meant during my uni years I was in a serious relationship. It was further complicated by the fact that we did the same degree, and were both recruited from uni by the same firm, meaning we then shared an office for our first two years at work, and broke up during that time.

My best friend also got engaged at 19, to someone she had met 6 weeks earlier, and they were married within 6 months. 19 years on they are still happily married with 3 kids :-)

[midivydale]

32???!! Lets hope reflux has cleared up by then:) and that baby ivydale sleeps through the night in his 20s:)

[etta166]

That's a tough one. I can't imagine having properly lived with my parents past the age of 16/17, but I did spend a lot of Uni holidays living in their house. I still go back now for as long as I can every summer (say 4-5 weeks, work permitting).

However, I can't imagine my 18 year old friends being able to afford to move out the same way that I did, so I expect that they will go back home after Uni for at least 2-3 years.

It's very much a cultural thing, tho. I have friends form whom it is perfectly normal and expected to stay at home (with their new spouse) until after the 2nd or 3rd year of marriage. It wouldn't have suited me though.

[GSJ57]

One of mine left at 20 and at 22 has just moved back home.....not sure how long for - he can't afford a place by himself and his friends have either moved away or moved in with girlfriends.

[????]

I am hoping for about 9 :)

[GinaG3]

I had been 18 for 2 months when I moved to London. I moved into my own place when I was 19. Now at almost 23 most of my friends still live at home with their parents. My mum and dad were never fussed what we chose to do, my sister left home to become a traveller, squatter etc at 15/16/17 but made a regular appearance back home. My 21 year old sister is still at home, she is not budging till she's 70 I don't think, rent free and all! My other sister left for uni at 18 and continued to live away, before moving to Ireland with her fianc?. My brother is too young to consider yet doubt he will move out till he's 70 either. I only moved out because I was pregnant, but I doubt I could of lasted being there still now at my age, although it was easy to feel like you were living in your own in my mum and dads house anyway, except for the miracle filling fridge, warm radiators and non stop electric. I would of had a deposit saved up to buy by now, but I wouldn't change my choice.

I'd say 18/19 but realistically it not affordable for anyone I know my age for at least another 5 years. So I say about 27 'realistically'

[womanofdulwich]

perhaps the question should be " at what stage do retire, sell your house and leave london- releasing the equity as your pension to live on?" and do you buy a small 2 bed property so they can only come and sleep on the sofabed...............??

They don't fly the nest- the nest is moved.

[Pugwash]

Daughter No 1 left home for uni in Preston and stayed up there after degree as working, got a council flat as local council could not find any tenants. Within a year moved back to London complete with partner and 2 cats as fed up having their door and car trashed and torched by local mobs. Crime rate in area was very high and police had given up with the local teenagers. Stayed with us and paid towards bills for a few months then got flat themselves as went with partner's job. Split up with partner and came back home with toddler for few months, made up with partner some months later and moved to Orpington where still living. She was about 24 when came back to London.

Daughter No 2 Brighton Uni, came home during holidays for first year and has lived away from home since - she is now 26.

Stepdaughter was kicked out by her mother at 16 whilst still at school, could not live with us as school in Essex and has never lived at home since that time.

Hubby left home at 18, went back for a few months, went into supported lodgings following several months in hospital. When first marriage broke up, moved back to parents but lived in seperate flat in their house for 2 years, themn moved in with me. I was a residential child care worker and lived with the kids 6 days a week so only home for a couple of days. Moved into own flat (in Ondine Rd) when 21, got mortgage at 25 and moved into own house.

[ClareC]

I left home for Uni at 18. Went back for the first and third summer holidays, did an additional year at Uni and never went back after that.

My parents kept my bedroom for me but at some point my younger sister moved into it. She left home @ 21 I think.

Always know I can go back if I needed to, get on well with my parents but definitely wouldnt choose to live at home!

[susyp]

My 4 year old and I have a pact to live together for always.

sigh.

susypx

[ClareC]

susyp Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> My 4 year old and I have a pact to live together

> for always.

> sigh.

> susypx

Like :)

[maritap]

My first daughter left at 18 into council accommodation. My son bought a property at 27, that was 10 years ago. My 29yr old daughter is still living at home with her 8yr old daughter. She contributes to household bills, but it's very hard to get on the property ladder or even get council accommodation and she works in estate agents. And my 17yr old is home too. I wouldn't have it any other way. They have a home here for as long as they wish. It's very hard for the youngsters to afford property, council tax, gas, electric etc: and still have a decent standard of life.