Quiet room...

[Michael Palaeologus]

Horrible smell of sulphur in here. Has the fragrant Dulwichmum been in?

"Muley! Wake up your incorrigble drunk!"

"Here, have a Bloody Mary, that will sort you out"

Opens windows wide, gazes at glorious ED sunshine and the pod of pilot whales happily swimming in the pool

"All is well with the world"

[red devil]

*Puts up 'Keep Out! Building Works In Progress, Closed Until Further Notice' sign on door*...

[EDKiwi]

*wakes up in skip*

*brushes self down, settles down next to the pool to try and teach the pilot whales to fetch drinks*

[Muley]

Cheers Mr P, most refreshing.

By the way, you do know those pilot whale chaps are still wearing their flying jackets and goggles, and they've landed their sea plane in the swimming pool? Perhaps as senior officer here you should have a word...

[Michael Palaeologus]

OH GOD! Havent they read the club rules? Typical of your Pilot Whale that is.

Why are the builders installing round tables with poles in the middle in the bar?

[Brendan]

Well they are Polish builders after all.

[red devil]

''Yes that's right Doctor, Muley's still having acid flashbacks...

Ok, that's 3 of the large pink pills and 2 of the small shiny black ones. Will do...''

*Attaches poster 'COMING SOON! - SHENANIGANS - PRIVATE MEMBERS CLUB'

*Attaches second poster 'VACANCIES - MANAGER/BAR STAFF AND 'WAITING ON TABLES' STAFF REQUIRED - MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE OF WORKING WITH LIVE ANIMALS - APPLY WITHIN'...

[red devil]

*Receives letter of complaint from animal rights group*

*Amends poster - '...MUST HAVE EXPERIENCE OF WORKING WITH FRUIT AND VEG - APPLY WITHIN'...*

[Muley]

"Excuse me, Mr Devil? Mr Red Devil? Do you have Planning Permission for your intended building work? And has it been submitted to Building Control? And isn't the EDF Manor a listed building? In a Conservation Area? And didn't the United Nations list it as a World Heritage Site? And...

Erm, excuse me, but I don't think those large pink pills are intended as suppositories"

"Oi, Gerroff me...let go...gerroff me tail... right, 'ave some of this..."

*kicks like a mule*

[red devil]

*wipes away tear as animal rights group take away Muley to the Devon donkey sanctuary for 'early retirement'*...

[Muley]

No no no, I'm not booked in to the donkey sanctuary for the holidays 'til the last two weeks in August. Now, if you'll have a large absinthe & carrot juice ready at midday please barman- I'm off to the pool to practice eskimo rolls in my kayak.

[red devil]

* Hands over to Muley a 'Kiss Me Quick' hat*

* Attaches poster - 'SPECIAL OFFER DURING BUILDING WORKS - DONKEY RIDES BY THE POOL! ?1 A GO!*

* Leaves 'medication' drink for Muley on table...*

[????]

*Strolls in wearily, collapses on Chaise lounge, kicks of 'Hunters' covered in Dorset mud ( smashing 1920s vase on mantlepiece0 takes out earplugs*

Billiards anyone?

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Baggsy the spotted ball.

[EDKiwi]

I'll keep score....who's got first serve?

[Michael Palaeologus]

When is bully off? Come on. I am getting bored and my Ginsters pie is getting cold.

[bigbadwolf]

Crumbs Mike, you've certainly brought some memories flooding back. I used to love staying up to watch Bullseye with my grandparents. The best bits were the dodgy haircuts but the funniest parts were when some oik that lived on the tenth floor of a council block in Birmingham would win a speedboat or some other bizarrely impractical prize.

[red devil]

*Checks broken lock on door. Follows muddy boot trail on new Axminster carpet to bar, careful not to trip over broken vase. Finds note on bar written on bookies slip - 'Dear DulwichMum, sorry for finishing off your last bottle of gin'*...

[KalamityKel]

bigbadwolf Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Crumbs Mike, you've certainly brought some

> memories flooding back. I used to love staying up

> to watch Bullseye with my grandparents. The best

> bits were the dodgy haircuts but the funniest

> parts were when some oik that lived on the tenth

> floor of a council block in Birmingham would win a

> speedboat or some other bizarrely impractical

> prize.

"staying up" wolf*? Thought it was an early evening show :p

*sneaks back to dark place from which she emerged*

[bigbadwolf]

I watched it on Meridian T.V in Brighton smarty pants (Kel). Much later than on the now defunct LWT.

[Muley]

Shh, keep the noise down you two!

*Shoots through Quiet room on a pink plastic microscooter, leaving a small, sobbing child behind in the distance*

[red devil]

*Walks in with trolley load of gin to stock up bar for Grand Opening night*

*Noises off: crash, splash, splutter!*

*Throws Muley a lifebelt*

*Angry looking parent enters room...*

[Muley]

"Of course this isn't your scooter, it's mine. In point of fact this particular one happens to be the original, the prototype invented and hand crafted by my Swiss great-grandfather Karl-Heinz Engelbert Von Microschuuter back in 1877. Made the family fortune, it did; of course, we Anglicised the family name to Microscooter later, when we fled here from the largely forgotten Swiss Marxist revolution of 1904. No choice, y'see- back then anything other than rollerskates was considered dangerously counter-revolutionary y'know, up against the wall and shoot 'em, what?.

Anyway, the Quiet room is for members only- kindly leave, and take your mewling offspring with you.

Bloody cheek..."

[red devil]

*picks up Muley's broken glasses and hands over pack of frozen peas for Muley's swollen right eye...*

[Muley]

Thinks...

"maybe Lenk had it right all along. Soddin' kids..."